The Punishment Room

First a big thank-you to the visitors who have purchased copies of my books from the Woodettes Storefront! Two books ‘Whops and Clobber’ and ‘Operation Scorched Arse’ are currently available and it is my intention to publish the complete saga as finances allow (self-publishing is not free!). The books are available in both print and by electronic download. Obviously electronic download is the cheapest and quickest means of getting to read hundreds of pages of spanking good fun as there is no manufacturing cost involved. Extracts from these books and all the others are available free at the Woodettes Publications Page.

So thanks again to those of you who have taken the plunge and started to read the complete Woody Back to School Unit saga, I hope you enjoy and come to know, love and even hate the characters as much as I did creating them.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to congratulate Garth over at ‘Behind the Barred Window’ for his own successful publication of Institutionalized Volume 2 … way to go bro!

And speaking of institutions lets segue back to the Woody Back to School Unit.

No institution of the nature of the Woody Back to School Unit would be complete without a special Punishment Room. At Woodys this room is situated in a remote wing of the sprawling campus in an annex to the library.

Members of the Elite dispatch the inmates to the Punishment Room by theatrically flashing their red cards and instructing them to, “Step up to the library, I’ll be along to beat you shortly”. In yesterdays post (see ‘Outside the Punishment Room Waiting to be Caned‘) I discussed how in my stories I have tried to imagine how the gals feel as they dismally make their way through the labyrinth of corridors and stairwells until they reach the landing that houses the Punishment Room. Once they arrive they are required to stand hands on head with their noses touching the wall while waiting to be caned.

The wait will be a minimum of fifteen minutes (which may not sound long but you try doing nose and toes for a quarter of an hour! Go on I dare you!). However, naturally the more heinous members of the Elite, especially the thugs from the Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers, like to leave their victims to sweat for extended periods. A tactic guaranteed to give even the most stoic of souls a serious dose of the pip.

Eventually the gal will hear the ominous clicking of heels in the wood floored stairwells as the member of the Elite makes her approach and swings open the door of the library curtly instructing her prey to, “Follow me” .

During the great renovations of the Woody campus Mr Humphries transformed the front room of the library to an airy place of learning with dormer windows and views across the sweeping Sussex Downs. He has installed wireless technology and purchased on-line subscriptions to the great libraries of the world. If anybody is in the study area as the prefect leads her hapless victim towards the annex they politely gather their books and leave. It is considered bad form to hang about trying to overhear the activities that are about to transpire.

Behind a heavy oak door the punishment room is kept dimly lit and although there is a huge ornate fireplace at the far end it is never lit and the temperature in the room is kept to the minimum. The Woody Wags are fond of observing that heating of the room is unnecessary as they’ll be getting warmed up soon enough.

The errant inmate is required to walk down the Brazilian wood floor and take up position beside the fireplace with her hands on her head while her disciplinarian prepares herself.

The prefects remove their blazers and hang them up. They roll back the cuffs of their blouses and loosen their collars and ties so they feel unrestricted for the forthcoming exertions. The prefects make their preparations in a somber silence and take their own sweet time in a contrivance designed to heighten the tension in the room and to increase their victim’s anxiety.

Once her apparel is suitably re-arranged the prefect will then proceed with the scolding. According to the ‘Guidelines for Extreme Scolding’ the prefect may not resort to personal abuse or insults. However, Patty Hodge, the units cruelest and most vile Dame trains her operatives from the Serial Spankers, or the SS as they are better known, to skirt the limits of these definitions and a well-delivered scolding can be a most disagreeable experience. Of course the recipient must remain standing in strict military attention, with her hands on her head and is forbidden to respond while she is forced to chow down on this most unsavory helping of tongue pie.

Punishments administered in the library fall into two distinct categories. The first are conventional canings delivered by the mainstream of the Elite with their whippy ashplants. The ashplants they use are cut from saplings of mountain ash and are specially seasoned in a chimney by the O’Hara family of Dublin, long-established purveyors of fine canes. The ashplants come with the assurance that they are one hundred percent pre-tested for weight, balance and suppleness. Names of the participants in the quality trials are not identified in the associated literature.

Although the ashplants are lighter and less punishing than the number one canes wielded by the Brass or the senior canes used by the principal when applied correctly the ashplants can prove very effective and will generate considerable quantities of smart and sting.

The second style of punishment administered in the austere back room is the strict domain of the gal known amongst the community as the ‘Red-shirt’. The Red-shirt is the most powerful inmate at the facility and is distinguished from her subordinates by her distinctive red blouse, black tie and blazer. She is authorized to administer over the knee, bare bottom spankings with a wood-backed hairbrush in an unpopular procedure known in Woody parlance as ‘dangling’.

Finally the miscreant will be instructed to remove her own blazer and prepare for her punishment.

Canings with the ashplant are delivered across the seat of the navy blue bumbags with the recipient bent forward in front of the fireplace touching her toes. This is an unpopular position amongst the inmates due to its difficulty to maintain. There are strict ‘no jerking’ regulations in place that dictate that a gals fingers must be physically touching the tips of her shoes throughout the swishing (there are strict regulations regarding most aspects of the inmates lives at the facility). Jerking up can result in the stroke being discounted.

The majority of the kindlier prefects acknowledge the difficulty of the inmates maintaining the toe-touching position while a whippy stick is rebounding off their bumbags and cut them some limited slack. Naturally, the cruel bullies from the SS, such as Yvonne Godfrey and Mitch the Bitch, are not in the slack cutting business and take advantage of the discount system. They regularly take the opportunity to give their luckless victims extra strokes.

Danglings are delivered with the Red-shirt seated on the tall spanking stool. The over-sized bar stool was commissioned by the odious Katie Beck during her tyrannical stint as the units most powerful inmate. The stools are designed with the cross bars secreted inside the legs. Due to the extended height of the stool once a gal is over and up even the tallest inmate is unable to touch the floor on either side. She is literally dangling and totally reliant on the Red-shirt to keep her tucked in tightly to the crease of her lap to avoid her toppling off and bumping her noggin.

The Woody Gals consider being dangled a miserable and rather undignified affair but they do not have too long to contemplate their untoward circumstances before the over-sized back of a hard and unyielding hairbrush is colliding with their naked nates.

In the early days of the unit these danglings were limited to a long, slow and juicy six of the best. However, once Ms Lawton unleashed the regime of Operation Scorched Arse she stunned the inmates by authorizing a revision to the ‘Dangling Protocol’s’ instructing the Red-shirts to double the amount of spanks.

Predictably the revision to the protocols was deeply unpopular with the inmates as the hairbrushes that Katie had selected after extended trials were perfectly design to adequately redden even the most voluptuous orbs with just six spanks. The additional spanks on an already sore and swollen behind were considered unnecessary by the Woody Gals but needless to say they were not consulted on the matter.

Once the punishment has been completed it is post-processed which entails it being registered in the small punishment record book that every inmate is required to carry at all times in the breast pocket of her blazer. This allows the wicked prefects to take the opportunity to offer further snide remarks designed to increase the gal’s discomfort before she is finally thankfully dismissed.

All in all a trip to the Punishment Room is not high on the agenda of the Woody Gals!

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Outside the Punishment Room Waiting to be Caned

It’s always nice on a Saturday morning to find a blog that I haven’t previously spotted so many thanks to Chross Spanking Resources for turning me on to the MarQe’s Study pages.

In one of MarQe’s posts he comments on the old British cartoon comics such as the Beano, Dandy, Topper and Beezer that featured such colorful rogues as Dennis the Menace and Rodger the Dodger and their female alter-ego’s Minnie the Minx and Beryl the Peril. It is pretty obvious that the cartoonists such as David Law and Leo Baxindale must have been closet spanko’s as the last frame of every story featured Beryl or Minnie turned over their father’s knee getting a healthy dose of the slipper. And I thought I was the only one who remembers such things … those were the days!

Minnie the Minx and Beryl the Peril were archetypical Extreme Ladettes and would doubtless have grown up to be sentenced to spend seven years in a social rehabilitation program at the Woody Back to School Unit without the possibility of parole. Which niftily segues me back to the subject matter at hand.

At the Woody Back to School Unit the inmates face adversity at every turn. The members of the Elite prowl the compound with whippy ashplant’s tucked under their left arms waiting to pounce on gals indulging in excessive goofing, gabbing, larking or pranking.

A perfectly good day can be ruined by an Elite member producing a red card and loudly announcing, “Step up to the library, I’ll be along to beat you shortly”. This type of snooty, autocratic behavior generally gives the Woody Gals the pip but in the austere environment that they inhabit they have no choice but to cut along sharpish.

The library is located in an isolated corner of the vast main building on the Woody campus so the inmates are faced with a long walk as they trudge morosely through the labyrinth of corridors and stairwells with nothing much to think about other than their impending caning.

As I have mentioned (quite frequently) I am fascinated by the rituals that surround corporal punishment. Heavens only knows why I am so obsessed by rituals but I suppose we all have our idiosyncrasies, although it does occasionally occur to me that I might have more than most. As a writer of stories of a very specific genre I constantly challenge myself to avoid the ‘Bend over! Whack! Whack! Whack!’ style and strive to bring additional layers of complexity to both my characters and the situations in which they find themselves.

I like the idea of the long walk, their sense of trepidation increasing as they climb the final stairwell that leads to the corridor where the library is situated. Of course that is only the beginning of their ordeal. Once they arrive outside the large oak door of the library they are expected to turn and face the wood-paneled wall and assume the position known by the Woody Wags as ‘nose and toes’.

Like everything at Woodys there are strict protocols regarding nose and toes. The tips of a gal’s shoes must be in contact with the skirting board, her nose must physically touch the paneling, her hands must be linked on top of her head, and at no time may her elbows make contact with the wall.

Despite their headstrong and willful ways nose and toes becomes second nature to the inmates and not even the most recalcitrant member of the community would consider failing to comply with this requirement.

Once appropriately positioned the gal now has nothing else to do other than wait for the arrival of the prefect who is scheduled to beat her. This is an element of the ritual that I find the most interesting.

We find ourselves with the protagonist alone and isolated from the rest of the community, assuming a somewhat ignominious position. She is fully aware that there is no escaping the fact that she will shortly be getting six of the best. So what is she thinking?

Now bearing in mind that with a few notable exceptions (Lady Derby Huntington for instance, who may well be certifiably barking) the Woody Gals may be spank-hardened veterans but they are not die-hard spankettes. Even for the gals who have engineered themselves into their untoward circumstances to improve their competitive ranking on the Bottoms Up Table of Troublemakers and have got themselves caned out of necessity the actual reality of shortly being obliged to walk about sporting stripes in their bumbags might not be all that appealing.

Is she frightened, anxious, angry, grumpy, pouty, petulant or all of the above? Does she want the prefect to come quickly or does she hope that the prefect is delayed so that the punishment is postponed as long as possible?

I have broached this subject with my beloved Jojo who is generally a very helpful resource on subjects of this nature, but she is unusually unaccommodating with regard to this particular matter. She claims that she is a busy person (both in real-life and in her fantasy role) and that she would be far too distracted by important affairs of the day to waste her time worrying about the minor inconvenience of whops even when she is standing nose to the wall awaiting the arrival of her nemesis. I am not sure I totally buy this thesis but it is all she is willing to say on the subject.

I suppose over the course of my writings I have come up with a combination of solutions. There are the dark and belligerent coves such as Nixdown Nixon, the Bounder and Lady Victoria Brompton who most likely spend their nose and toes time contemplating the wisdom of hacking the prefect in the shins. Then there is the ditzy, free-spirited Cassie Cassy who couldn’t give a tinkers about whops just as long as she maintains her high ranking on the Big BUTT. Finally there are other gals who will be pre-occupied with the knowledge that the temperature inside their bumbags is going to be radically altered in the near future and have to struggle to keep from getting into a blue funk and making a muff of themselves. As I say this is a subject that preoccupies R Humphries.

However one thing is certain. Eventually their thoughts will be disturbed by the click-clacking of heels in the empty corridors and stairwells below before the prefect sweeps onto the landing and swings open the door of the Punishment Room and orders her victim to “Follow me” .

I am taking My Beloved Jojo out for dinner so I shall have to leave the subject of the Punishment Room until tomorrow, so thanks for visiting and hopefully I’ll cya again … Bottoms Up!  … RH

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

There Is No Problem That Can’t Be Solved By a Sore Bottom

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first two full volumes are now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront! Electronically downloading is the cheapest and quickest means of getting to read hundreds of pages of spanking good fun!

”There is no problem that can’t be solved by a sore bottom”, so goes the mantra of Ma Brooks, the pro-spanking advocate and mother of the Woody Back to School Unit inmate, Miss Claire Brooks.

The spanking tradition in the Brooks household dates back several generations and Ma still regularly warms her twenty-nine year old daughter’s buns with the heirloom known as ‘Brooks Brush’.

Now before I continue I would like to make it extremely clear that I do not condone any kind of miss-treatment of kids. Chez Humphries of my youth was a spank-free zone with the exception of the odd clip around the ear. Both my parent’s believed that we got more than enough discipline at school. As a graduate of the Last Cane Generation I personally don’t believe it did us much harm. In a wonderful nugget my old friend Debbie’s mother observed that “it was always Debbie who needed to be spanked”. Debbie’s unconcerned response was that she had turned out okay and there’s no denying that she has. She is a successful career businesswoman and a perfectly well-rounded individual. I shall leave it to others to debate the pros and cons of such matters and move right along without further ado.

The character of Claire Brooks was inspired by a snippet of conversation when a work colleague commented that “we used to get swished by the prefects at school”. As I recounted in the post ‘Did Claire get the cane? – Another Vanilla Nugget’ that potentially tantalizing conversation was disastrously interrupted by a barmaid taking last call. That is one of the few times in R Humphries life that I have ever been truly irritated by a buxom blond offering alcoholic refreshment.

As a writer I am fascinated by the language of spanking and I found the word ‘swishing’ to be a delightfully feminine description for a length of rattan slicing ominously through the air aimed at an upturned pair of buttocks. My personal favorite term is whops, which I think resonates of the beautifully rotund sound of the cane rebounding off tautened bumbags.

I once participated in a lengthy discussion with some on-line spankettes debating the use of the word beating in my writing. Some of them found the phrase uncomfortable and commented that it had unpleasant overtones. I have discussed this matter with My Beloved Jojo and although she sympathized with their feelings she convinced me that in the context within which I write the traditional words of beating and thrashing are perfectly appropriate.

My colleague was a rather well-bred and refined character so it always amused me that she had a penchant for ribald pith and regularly interjected her observations with surprisingly blue language. She was exactly the type of gal who fits in perfectly at Woodys.

Because of her use of the phrase “we used to” I have no real idea whether my colleague was referring to the fact that she actually got swished herself or that it was just a general commentary about the school she attended. I, of course, prefer to believe the former.

Bearing in mind her refinement I have always imagined that she attended a polite establishment that specialized in etiquette and deportment. It made sense to me that the rituals surrounding Claire getting the cane at school should reflect these elements so I devised the quaint tradition of the six o’clock swishings.

I thought it would be rather nice if the Head Prefects sent the gals polite notelets inviting them over to their studies for a six o’clock swishing. Of course, as would be expected in any polite society, the gals are requested to RSVP. I rather like the idea of gals cutting though the corridors to keep their appointments after spending much of the day waiting to be caned.

When Claire keeps her first appointment the Head Prefect explains that in her opinion Miss Brooks is spending far too much time in the detention room and suggests that it might be time to try a swishing. Claire, who has been brought up head down, arse up over her mother’s knee, offers no objection to the suggestion and compliantly bends over the back of a convenient sofa. Claire later tells her Woody chums that she only received three strokes which she points out “is only half a swishing”. Clearly it did not have the desired effect as she is invited back a few days later for the other half.

Throughout her school life Claire’s potty mouth and penchant for pith results in her receiving enough invitations for six o’clock swishings to elevate her to the distinguished position of the nation’s second most caned schoolgirl in history.

Ultimately she distinguishes herself further when after being caught in flagrante delicto with a stable-lad she becomes the first gal to be horsed and birched since the end of the Second World War.

The tradition of horsing and birching is now largely obsolete, at least in the circles that I travel in. However, at one time it was extremely fashionable, especially in British reformatories. There are a number of variations of how a birching is delivered including the infamous birching horses that can be viewed at various museums specializing in such items. However, for Claire’s birching I elected the more interesting variation that was widely practiced at the famous Houses of Flagellation such as Theresa Berkeley’s salon in Charlotte Street.

Claire is instructed to remove her bumbags and is forced to mount up on a burly prefect’s back as if she is competing in a piggy-back race. The prefect bent forward and her assistant grasps Claire’s wrists and holds her arms out straight. Once properly arranged in this somewhat undignified position the skirt of her gymslip is pinned back so that the birch could be applied. The birch was constructed of a bundle of twenty Betula Pendula twigs bound together with a leather handle with a total length of twenty-eight inches.

“It was a weird sensation,” Claire reported, “the first three strokes seemed relatively harmless. I was far more dismayed at being horsed than I was at being birched. It is the most humiliating feeling. However, as we progressed the cumulative effect of the birching was getting pretty intense. Thankfully, the Grand Dame stopped at six and I was allowed to dismount from the prefects back.”

I have no idea why I selected Claire to be the recipient of this somewhat grim punishment but it must have made sense when I was writing the episodes. In a later story, while Claire is serving her sentence at the Woody unit, the evil Patty Hodge decides to subject her to a reenactment of her notorious punishment. As with many of Patty’s Machiavellian plans it all goes pear-shaped in a heartbeat and it is Patty and her sycophantic cohorts, Katie Beck and the Wart who find themselves being horsed and birched by Mr Humphries for the delighted enjoyment of the whooping and foot-stamping Woody Gals.

Based upon her fondness for colorful humor, in my stories Claire, becomes the world’s first stand-up spanking comedienne with her acclaimed Caned Laughter Revue. This is an area of humor that I have found sadly lacking in the circuit of comedy stores. R Humphries, for one, would certainly part with a few of his hard-earneds to spend a comedic evening in the company of an attractive spankette regaling the audience with tales of their spanking experiences. Food for thought all you spankettes out there!

Of course Claire Brooks is totally fictitious and she is solely based upon that previously mentioned single nugget of information. I suspect that my former work colleague is now happily married (actually I think that she was at the time) with a brood of kids and a small SUV. Who knows? But I thank her for sowing that seed that sparked the creation of an enduring character. Bottoms Up to you “Miss we were Swished” wherever you are.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Poor Beleaguered Bum’s

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first full volume is now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront!

First I would like to take the opportunity to thank Bonnie from My Bottom Smarts for including my site in her list of new spanking blogs. Bonnie hosts the MBS Spanko Brunches on Sundays and is an extremely popular blogger who has been posting since September 2005! That is one helluva lot of blogging … thanks again to the generous Bonnie.

As I posted last night I am in the process of releasing the second full volume of the Woody Back to School unit saga, Operation Scorched Arse, at the Woodettes Storefront.

This volume focuses on the introduction of the austere regime known as Operation Scorched Arse by the resident principal Miss Lawton. The Grand Dame has become increasingly vexed by the seemingly unstoppable surge of inmates subscribing to Cathryn Cassidy’s Manifesto of Mega-minxdom and embarking upon a lifestyle of mischief and mayhem. She is determined to put a stop to the anarchic revelries of the inmates and instigates a zero-tolerance program that abolishes any alternative forms of discipline to corporal punishment.

The book opens with Debs Morton up to her bumbags in trouble. As I have gone through the laborious process of making the final edits to the thirty-five volumes (soon to be thirty-six and still counting) that comprise the saga I can’t but help noticing that poor Debs is often the unfortunate recipient of the most heinous punishments. I think that this is because Debs was the first character I fully developed when I started writing spanking stories all those years ago. She is my most mercurial protagonist. She is bright and articulate, an outstanding academic, musician and sportsperson but she can also be willful, truculent and somewhat bratty.

In this episode she is hauled up before the Red House Council and charged with bringing the house into disrepute as a result of being nominated as the facilities Public Enemy Number One. It is a kangaroo court perverted by her sworn enemies from the Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers. She is found guilty and sentenced to a Formal House Beating.

In a grim ceremony, filled with my beloved rituals, she is paraded through the main building before being taken to the gymnasium where she is subjected to a formal house scolding. Finally she is bent over a beam and thrashed by her chum, the House Captain, the beautiful and statuesque Rastafarian, Patsy Butcher. She is subjected to a twelve-stroke Running Bender.

I first witnessed a running bender back in the day. We had a rather hapless chap at school who for inexplicable reasons was widely disliked by the Master’s. He was by no means the worst behaved or even particularly rude or obnoxious but he was constantly singled out for special punishment.

On this occasion he was hauled up before the class to be berated. He was instructed to shove the front desk over to close by the door, remove his blazer, pull the shirt-tails ot of the waist of his trousers, and bend over. The geography master was a loathsome cove and always quick with the cane (it’s not surprising that I made the odious character known as the Wart the geography dame at Woodys). He had threatened to give the lad a thrashing he wouldn’t forget. Well I certainly haven’t! The Master took a ten-step run-up before lashing the cane across the hapless fellow’s bags with explosive cracks. Even though under the protocols he was only allowed to deliver four strokes in the classroom it was a fearsome beating.

Technically running benders are difficult to deliver so at the Woody Back to School unit Ms Lawton insists that members of the Elite are certified on the practice range before they are authorized to deliver them. Patsy Butcher is an athletic gal with almost perfect cane-hand coordination and is fully qualified to deliver Deborah’s gruesome punishment.

However as Debs inspects her stripes and begins her slow, painful recovery she is grateful that it was someone who is as skilled with a cane as Patsy who has delivered the ceremonial beating. All twelve strokes have landed in the safe zone known to the Woody Wags as the ‘sweet spot’. She ruefully acknowledges that Miss Lawton is correct in her observation that ‘women are born broad of beam and perfectly designed to absorb six of the best’, and that no lasting damage has been made to her poor beleaguered bum.

Deborah’s harsh treatment does not bode well for the bumbags of the inmates and they quickly discover that even the most minor goofing, gabbing, larking or pranking will result in six of the best.

Of course the Woody gals refuse to be daunted by the minor inconvenience of wearing stripes under their bumbags and anarchy prevails.

Deborah features in another high-profile incident known in Woody lore as the ‘fabulous fart’ (see ‘Bent Over the Piano Stool and Beaten with a Violin Bow’ for a free extract), the Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers unleash a campaign of extreme prejudice on the inmates bumbags (see ‘The Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers’ for more info)   and Jojo Heyworth and Nixdown are caught by surprise and subjected to extended hairbrush spankings up in the library. Throughout the book I introduce new and I hope colorful and interesting characters into the cast.

I hope that anybody interested in the subjects that I choose to write about will feel inclined to belly up to the bar and part with the paltry sums that will help cover my publishing costs. Note that downloading electronically from the storefront is the cheapest option.

Enjoy! Bottoms Up! R.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Operation Scorched Arse, Ptolemy the Twelfth and the Spankings of Cleo

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first full volume is now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront!

Previously unreleased research materials reveal that the first Operation Scorched Arse was unleashed by Ptolemy the Twelfth in order to discipline his recalcitrant daughter Cleopatra. Apparently, Toly, as he was known as around the forum was a bit of a wag in matters of spanking. When he needed to distract the Great Roman Unwashed, from the expensive and abortive scorched earth policies that he had ordered to be unleashed on neighboring countries, he regaled with them stories of spanking his willful daughter.

According to the records, Cleo did not share his sense of humor and responded to being spanked with a wood backed hairbrush by hacking her father in the shins. Several Roman chroniclers of the day allege that on his deathbed Toly willed his collection of Cleo hairbrushes to her husband Gaius Julius Caesar resulting in her infamous cranky behavior. Some conspiracy theorists even blame Cleo’s permanently red-bum and resulting poor disposition as the cause of the fall of the Hellenistic empire.

Of course that was just an idle historical observation to allows me to segue to proudly announce that Volume 2 – Operation Scorched Arse will be available at the Woodettes Storefront from tomorrow!!!

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The Curious Case of Debs Disgrace and the Collar and Tie Protocols

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first full volume is now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront!

I don’t know whether it is common to other countries but in Britain enormous importance was placed on the ritual of morning assembly. The entire population of the school was required to attend and listen to boring announcements. The only announcement of any interest was the list of pupils required to visit the Headmasters study “immediately after assembly”. Although on rare occasions this might be for administrative purposes it was generally the rogue’s gallery of pupils needing to be beaten.

The rules regarding ‘ingress’ and ‘egress’ (how quaintly British) dictated absolute silence in the hall. This rule was strictly imposed by the prefects and anybody who goofed, gabbed, larked or pranked was sent to stand at the front. This delinquent behavior was rewarded with a mandatory caning and a lecture about how it was not too much to expect for us to spend a short time each morning in silent contemplation.

After my old friend Debbie had recalled her trials and tribulations at school (see Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets) I subtly tried to coerce further information about her from my cousin who had attended the same school. Mainly my cousin remembered her for her tennis ability (Debbie was county champion and nationally ranked) but added that Debbie was by far the naughtiest girl in the school and was always being chucked out of assembly.

I was unable to ascertain the consequences of her getting chucked out and I doubt that it attracted punishments of the severity practiced at my own school. However, this nugget of information would inspire a story thread that recurs throughout the Woody Back to School unit stories.

In the Woody stories Debs Morton holds the units record for being ejected from the assembly hall. Debs suffers from compulsive, impulsive behavior syndrome and finds the tedium of sitting quietly in the hall waiting for the Brass to arrive to be a challenge. She regularly indulges in mindless activities involving annoying the other gals by poking and prodding them or tapping the underside of their canvas seats with her foot. It is dangerous duty and if she is spotted by the prefects she is shown a red card and instructed to ‘step up’.

Jojo came up with the suggestion that the Brass and Elite should carry red cards after watching the European Championships for the first time. I concurred that it would add additional spice to the chucking out ritual and introduced a yellow card/red card system into the life of the Woody Gals.

Having personally suffered an ejection from the hall at school I can remember having to struggle past my seated classmates and make my way down the central aisle and take up position beside the double doors. For the next few minutes I was aware that I was the focus of attention of over six hundred bored pairs of eyes. Of course bravado and feigning nonchalance was the order of the day but it was actually quite a disquieting feeling.

The regular Brass arrived first and some of the more prudish and unpleasant Masters would find it necessary (in my opinion unnecessary) to stop and make snide observations. When the Headmaster arrived, his black gown billowing, he would instruct you to “cut along to my study,” ominously adding that he would “be along to beat you shortly”. These rituals fascinated me and having learned of Debbie’s predilection for misbehaving during assembly it became a character trait central to Debs Morton’s character.

At Woodys one of the central characters is the mean-spirited and evil Dame named Patty Hodge. Patty is the Commandant of a small group of Dames known as the Radical Right who are intent on making life miserable for the inmates. Of course when she finds a hapless gal standing at the front of the hall she takes the opportunity to add to her discomfort by stopping to make predictions regarding the future of the luckless gals bumbags.

Deborah is particularly at risk from Patty. Debs is notorious for her laxity regarding obeying the strict collar and tie protocols. As usual this thread has its source in my own experiences.

We were constantly at war with the Masters regarding out neckwear. At the time button-down collared Ben Sherman and Brutus shirts were all the rage. Anybody with an ounce of fashion sense knows that they are designed to be worn with the top button unfastened and the knot of the tie rakishly loosened (anybody ever see Frankie Sin with his collar fastened?). Unfortunately the Masters were not of a fashionable inclination and regarded our chosen look to be slovenly and we were forever being instructed to button up.

My school was certainly not alone in this respect. At my girlfriend’s school, which did not practice corporal punishment, an unfastened top button attracted a twenty-five pence fine.

At the Woody Back to School unit collar and tie abuse is a zero-tolerance protocol and failure to comply is rewarded with a mandatory six of the best.

On numerous occasions Debs compounds her troubles by being sent to stand up at the front of the hall with her collar unfastened. This gives Patty the golden opportunity to reach theatrically into her jacket and produce a second red card, loudly announcing for Debs to make herself an appointment for a slippering from Katie Beck for collar and tie abuse.

In Volume 1 - Whops and Clobber Debs suffers a giddying fall from grace from her role as golden gal, which is caused by her failure to comply with the collar and tie protocols. At the time the inmates have just returned from summer furlough and Deborah has started Phase Five of her seven year sentence.

Deborah is shocked when she is unexpectedly publicly harangued by Ms Lawton, the residing principal, and evicted from the hall for collar and tie abuse. Now over halfway through her social rehabilitation program Debs is considered to be a senior inmate. There had always been an unwritten protocol that the more senior members of the community would be treated with slightly more decorum and one such privilege was that they were generally not unceremoniously chucked out of the hall.

Debs is furious at what she perceives as inappropriate treatment and behaves badly. She refuses to take up the time-honored position of ‘nose and toes’ outside the Grand Dames office and acts in a most belligerent manner. As a result she first suffers the indignity of being turned over Ms Lawton’s knee and soundly spanked. She is then subjected to six of the best for her initial collar and tie abuse which is followed by a second six for her belligerent behavior.

Debs is by now apoplectic and plans to get revenge for her spanking and the double bare bender. It all goes pear-shaped in a heartbeat. She smuggles a pony into the chemistry laboratory and the unfortunate animal panics and causes considerable damage. Deborah is forced to fess up to being the culprit and is publicly flogged for her trouble.

Unbeknownst to the Woody Gals Ms Lawton has spent the summer wrestling with how to respond to the ever-increasing rise of mega-minxdom amongst the inmates. She had pored over the rules, regulations and protocols and made changes that would become known amongst the Woody Wags as the ‘radical revisions’. Deborah’s disastrous behavior finally provokes the Grand Dame to institute the radical revisions and to implement an austere regime code-named ‘Operation Scorched Arse’. Debs Morton is declared Public Enemy Number One and is targeted as a hostile and treated with extreme prejudice.

The first four books of the saga deal comprehensively with the year of Operation Scorched Arse and chronicles the last days of Lawton era when the corridors of the facility are constantly filled with the echoes of the sounds of canes, straps and slippers rebounding from tautened navy blue gossamer bumbags. 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Rear of the Year, Bookers Bum, and It’s Only Whops

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first full volume is now available for purchase at the brand spanking new Woodettes Storefront!

Central amongst the characters that populate the Woody Back to School Unit stories are a group of notorious mega-minxes known as the Famous Four. To add balance to the flamboyant Jojo, the wildly promiscuous Nixdown, and the mercurial Debs, I introduced Rosemary Booker to the mix. She has always been a hugely enjoyable character to write about, a sweet and jovial cove who is always keen to apply her mystical balms to the sore bottoms of her chums when they are suffering the after-effects of whops.

Prior to her incarceration Rosemary ran a successful on-line business selling natural remedies known as ‘Bookers Balms’. During the impoverished days of her start-up she is spotted by an enterprising photographer while she is innocently playing Bottom the Weaver in an all-female amateur rendition of a Midsummer’s Nights Dream and her extraordinarily shapely derriere is brought to the attention of the Great Unwashed. Her remarkable protuberance earns her the accolade of Rear of the Year. In a marketing coup Rosemary secures sponsorship from a jeans manufacturer and regularly appears on television chat shows bending over to display ‘Bookers Bum’ embroidered across the seat of her skin-tight denims for the delight of the viewers.

(Note : Rear of the Year is a venerable British institution that dates back to 1976 when the wonderful actress of Carry On movie fame, Miss Barbara Windsor was given the accolade and the history and list of winners can be viewed at www.rearoftheyear.com. Of course the fictional Miss Booker does not appear on this list but that is the pleasure of poetic license).

As a result of Rosemary displaying her greatest attribute to the world at large her business booms and she is voted ‘Young Internet Entrepreneur of the Year’. She finds herself being aggressively raided by the sinister Melissa Forsham-Smythe and her dodgy lawyer, Armanisuit. But when Rosemary discovers that Melissa plans to reduce quality control on her products and sell them cheaply to the unsuspecting Great Unwashed she rejects the offer. Melissa retaliates by using her power and influence to mobilize the Dark Agents of the covert government agency known only as the System to arrest her. Rosemary is dragged from her bed and paraded down the street in her jimjams before being summarily sentenced to seven years at the Woody Back to School Unit without the possibility of parole.

Rosemary enters the Big House sporting a virgin arse, never having been previously spanked or caned. At Woodys this is not a situation that is likely to last long and her amply filled bumbags make her a natural target for the Whop Junkie elements of the Brass and Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers.

After receiving her first spanking she astonishes her new chums at the Back to School unit by nonchalantly telling them that she can’t see what all the fuss is about and offering the immortal observation that after all “it was only whops”, (this would be a rare moment to take the opportunity to interject the wonderful word insouciant into the proceedings but as it might appear pretentious I shall move promptly along). The Woody Wags immediately take this up as their mantra as they refuse to howl or blub even when their bumbags are subjected to the most hostile fire. Many a Woody gal has touched her toes while buoying her spirits by muttering “it’s only whops, it’s only whops” under her breath … My Beloved Jojo assures me that it helps and she should know. 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

A Spanking Writer’s Personal Nirvana

R Humphries is stoked! The first full volume of the Woody Back to School Unit is finally published and available at Lulu.com – Whops and Clobber. I hope to have several more full volumes available in the next few days.

Self-publishing might sound an attractive proposition but attempting to publish a saga spanning forty books is an act of fiscal buffoonery more normally practiced by the wizened mandarins who oversee western nations (ever noticed any of them?). So Spanko’s and Spankettes belly up to the bar without further ado and buy, buy, buy! … lol … Bottoms Up and keep safe and well … R Humphries

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Whops, Clobber and the Last Cane Generation

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

As I have said on several occasions I consider myself to be the product of the environment that I grew up in. I like to call us the Last Cane Generation who lived through a time when corporal punishment was not the ‘ultimate deterrent’ but dispensed liberally on a day to day basis. Personally I did not much care for being whacked with whippy sticks but considered it an unfortunate bi-product of the self-amused pleasures of degenerate delinquency. Nonetheless I grew up with a life-long fascination with corporal punishment and the rituals that surround it.

I am not here to give an opinion on the rights and wrongs of that regime except to say that most of the kids I grew up with were remarkably well-educated and well-rounded human beings albeit that truth were known we were a somewhat riotous bunch of thugs, hooligans and hellions. I don’t claim that everybody who graduated from the Last Cane Generation shares my fascination with corporal punishment in fact I suspect that the opposite may be the case. That is the subject of a different forum of discussion that holds little interest for me, so enough of that.

Although I find all spanking-associated material of considerable interest my own personal tastes are dominated by the disciplining of women in uniform. In my first research investigations of spanking magazines I observed that the pictures and stories to which I was most attracted featured women dressed in uniforms, adult school-girls, police women, nurses, air-hostesses and women from the military.

As I say, without question, I am a product of the environment I grew up in. My earliest associations with girls were at school at a time when school uniforms were de rigueur. My first stolen snogs were with girls dressed in white blouses and striped ties. While I attended senior (high) school I always picked up my long-term girlfriend from the neighboring school and she was always waiting in her spiffy uniform.

The rules and regulations regarding uniform were numerous. At my own school the wearing of brown shoes was forbidden and the Brass and prefects had the right of confiscation. This could mean having to plod about the place all day in your socks including the walk home as your shoes would not be returned until you appeared wearing regulation blacks! My girl-friends school did not practice corporal punishment so contravention of the uniform rules resulted in a financial fine. She hated wearing her school hat but she hated even more the fine of twenty-five pence if she was spotted out and about without it perched on her head. Personally I thought it was quite cute but she despised it … lol.

In ‘Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets’ she recalled the caning that she received as a result of being caught in her boyfriends open-topped sports car with her uniform in disarray. Now I suspect that this punishment had nothing to do with her wearing sunglasses while dressed in her uniform and was an artifice to make an example of a high-spirited, (interpreted as willful) pupil by a cruel and malicious Headmistress. Nonetheless it does demonstrate the importance that was placed upon the wearing of school uniform back in the day and that we could be (and were) punished for even the most minor contraventions of the rules. As I have observed previously the UK was (and still is to some extent) a byzantine society filled with arcane rules and rituals. All of which completely fascinate me!

It made sense therefore that the inmates of the Woody Back to School unit in my stories would be required to wear uniforms similar to the girls I grew up with. Box-top gymslips, white blouses, striped-ties, white socks, well-shone shoes, and, of course no such outfit would be complete without a pair of navy blue gossamer bumbags. At Woodys this is known as ‘clobber’.

It also made sense that a strict regime should be imposed so that the inmates aren’t wandering around looking like hobo’s so I developed a set of rules known as ‘The Politics of Clobber’. Rules need to be imposed so I assigned the task the heinous unit matron Miss Katie Beck. Katie is a fully paid up member of the Radical Right and a certified Whop Junkie. She loves nothing better than to kick start the inmate’s circulation in the mornings with her leather soled slippers when she finds them guilty of clobber abuse.

At various times I have managed to weave the odd police-woman and members of the military into my stories but have yet to include an air hostess … I’ll have to work on that.

I acknowledge that this post might read like the rambling meanderings of a refugee from the Home for the Bewildered but I am greatly fascinated by the Whops and Clobber environment that I grew up in and am an unashamed graduate of the Last Cane Generation so there … lol.

Bottoms Up and thanks for visiting … R

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The Silent Howl

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

In my stories the Woody Gals are remarkable stoic. They subscribe to the philosophy that ‘only muffs howl’, but more accurately this should be ‘only muffs howl out loud’.

In a series of recent posts published by Ms Niki Flynn on her Not-Blog she has generously offered up some delightful pictures of the facial contortions of both herself and her friends during various phases of being spanked.

Obviously there are three stages to any spanking. Before, during and after. In my experience the recipient (or the soon-to be recipient or just-has-been recipient, as the case may be) will progress through a number of interesting facial transformations.

In the case of My Beloved Jojo, when she first arrives in my office she always appears somewhat cock-sure. She seems to think that she will be able to bewitch and beguile me by fluttering her eyelashes and making appropriately remorseful excuses that will distract me from the business in hand. Considering that this particular ruse has a poor track-record of success it amuses me that she continues to employ it, but Jojo is nothing if not an optimist. When we visit the race track she always bets on outsiders.

I consider myself a just and fair man so I always listen patiently to her often outlandish explanations regarding her acts of mischief and malfeasance. Jojo is quite extraordinary in her earnestness and she can be divinely animated during her eloquent deliveries.

Nonetheless, there comes a time in the proceedings that I feel compelled to burst her bubble and inform her that she is soon to get her just desserts. Even after all these years there is always a moment of disbelief that her concerted efforts have fallen on stony ground. Now Jojo is the epitome of a Woody Gal and cut from sturdy stuff. She is not about to do anything crass like show fear or disappointment. However there will always be almost imperceptible signs that she realizes that the game is up. A flicker of the eye, a tiny twitch of the corners of her mouth, or her fingers drumming against the sides of her legs indicate that she fully understands that we are done with the preliminaries and are moving swiftly on to the main event.

I call this the “oh shit” moment. Anybody who has been even remotely around the spanking scene (which I can only assume includes most visitors to this site) will know what I am talking about. Some of my all-time favorite photo-stories have featured not just the spankings themselves but the lead-up, and some of my fave pix have just been focused on that very distinct moment when a gal acknowledges that she is bang to rights and all that’s left is whops. 

In an earlier post ‘Remove Your Blazer and other Punishment Rituals’ I wrote of my personal love of rituals in the spanking theater. The ceremonial removal of the blazer goes back to my own schooldays. For some reason it was deemed inappropriate to be beaten while wearing a jacket displaying the school coat of arms. Presumably being caned was seen as bringing disgrace to the good name of the hallowed institution. It has to be said that in some ways we Brits are a rather curious bunch. Nonetheless I have used the ‘remove your blazer’ technique to great effect during my spanking adventures.

Even the ever-stoic Jojo can’t help taking on an air of resigned weariness as she finally takes off her blazer and hangs it up. The moment of reckoning is upon her and in the next few seconds she knows that she will either be head down, arse up across my knees, or otherwise draped across whatever piece of furniture that has been deemed appropriate for her ‘punishment’.

I bet that I am not the only spanker who has artfully positioned the recipient facing a mirror. As a writer this is strictly for research purposes so that I will better be able to describe reactions (if you believe that you’ll believe anything!).

As I have said Jojo is the epitome of the Woody Gal and is not the least bit inclined to show me that I am causing her any discomfort, unless of course she is positioned facing a conveniently placed mirror. At the Woody Back to School unit howling is considered muffish and would attract considerable derision from a gals fellow inmates. Some degree of low-level gasping, panting, moaning, grunting and groaning is considered acceptable.

In my stories there are some notable exceptions amongst the generally whop-hardened inmates. Holler James is the unit’s most notorious muff. She is incapable of getting through whops without kicking up a brouhaha. The Brass are frequently forced to resort to summonsing members of the Elite to forcibly hold her down. Beating Holler can be a hazardous business, she often responds to the lick of the cane by frantically kicking back her heels and catching her chastiser with painful hacks on the shins. In one episode Ms Phyllis MacAllister, the legendary martinet known to the Woody Wags as the Dyke, (see The Dyke, George W and Reverse Defenestration), suffers several painful hacks while attempting to tawse Holler, but as a diligent disciplinarian she is determined to complete the punishment. She sends for several of the more athletic members of the Elite and has Holler secured over a lab stool with her wrists and ankles secured with Bunsen burner chords so that the thrashing can proceed.

My Beloved Jojo is the antithesis of Holler James. She is extremely brave and remarkably resilient. However, as I have observed in the mirror even Jojo cannot refrain from indulging in the occasional silent howl. If I land a particularly hot and sensitive stroke her head jerks back, her eyes squeeze shut and her mouth opens into an ‘O’. Clearly she would love to empty her lungs and scream the walls down if she did not consider it beneath her and undignified. Nonetheless, even though her beautiful face is contorted into a ghastly grimace, as an unashamed spanko, she still looks divine to me

The final phase of a spanking is of course is the aftermath. The inmates of the Woody Back to School unit regard post-whop rubbing to be a sign of weakness and refuse to give the enemy the satisfaction that they might have actually hurt them. Jojo, of course, subscribes to this school of thought and always straightens her clobber without even a hint of rubbing. She has been known to flap her skirt furiously after a particularly hot and sweaty session but she argues that flapping is not the same as rubbing and regards it as a perfectly legitimate activity. Personally I feel that I would be churlish to split hairs over such subtle intricacies of a spankettes personal protocols.

Jojo and I religiously record all our sessions in her ‘Punishment Record Book’ which she carries in the breast pocket of her blazer. During the post-processing phase she generally favors sporting a look of brazen defiance as if to say ‘so what you caned me, what does that make you, the big cheese on campus?’ For my part I tend to ignore this part of her act. I can tell from her flushed cheeks and pursed lips that her rear end is burning beneath her bumbags. We all get our satisfaction in our own way.

So once again thanks to Ms Flynn and her fellow spanking models for their drama class and Bottoms Up to the rest of you.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The Agony and the Ecstasy, and the Rasmussen Principle

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Yesterday I read a fascinating post by the delightful Pixie over at Spanking Pixie in which she discusses whether she actually likes being spanked. She concludes that she does not actually like the pain but understands it as a necessary ingredient to achieve the overall sensations she seeks in her fantasy.

Over the years I have had this conversation with numerous spankettes, including on many occasions with my beloved Jojo, and in general they all seem to share the opinion of Miss Pixie.

A notable exception is the young woman upon whose character I based Nixdown Nixon in my Woody Back to School unit stories. Nixdown has a very interesting background. She is the eldest daughter of a successful film producer who specialized in European movies of an adult flavor. Not exactly porn but certainly films more likely to be viewed in the art-houses of Paris and Amsterdam than in the Cineplex’s of the more conservative United States. I can only assume that the rather curious environment within which she was raised had a considerable influence on her remarkably unorthodox and liberal view of the world.

She attended a well-reputed boarding school which she despised and by her own accounts she was an anarchic influence and all-round degenerate. She was caned on numerous occasions and did not respond well. She was eventually expelled as a result of retaliating to getting six of the best by fire-bombing the Headmistress’s car. Following this act of arson she completed her education in a reformatory, which by all accounts was nowhere near as fun as the Woody Back to School unit. Much as I would like to report otherwise this real-life reform school did not practice any form of corporal punishment (spoil-sports).

Nix has told me repeatedly that she hated being formally punished, particularly by prefects who were only marginally older than she was. This has always fascinated me as Nixdown is one of the most active, dedicated and hard-core spankettes that I ever encountered.

In my book ‘Volume 33 – A Formal Outing’ Nixdown is asked by her grubby whether she actually enjoys being beaten. Nix responds that under the right circumstances and with the right partners she enjoys the physical pain. However, she does admit that she feels that she is in the minority and that most gals on the spanking circuit subscribe to the Rasmussen Principle.

Dagmar Rasmussen is a well-known Danish masochist who says that she enjoys the build up and the aftermath but that it’s a shame about the few minutes in the middle.

I first encountered Nixdown back in the seventies when she was a rather flamboyant, post-punk princess. I met her when I was guest deejaying at a nightclub, colloquially known as the Cock and Banana, where she hung out with her leather friends. We became good pals.

On the face of it she was an unlikely submissive. She was rude, belligerent and of a deeply cynical nature. She had a liking for rough trade and was openly promiscuous with both sexes. She talked openly about her many sexual dalliances and experiments. I am not sure whether this is the right phrase but she was the first ‘woman of kink’ that I had personally encountered.

However beneath the veneer of outer darkness she was sweet and loving and overly trusting. The latter trait regularly got her into unfortunate scrapes from which I was compelled to extricate her.

When I met her she was already working in television and she went on to make several noted documentaries. Unlike the Nixdown of my stories her films were not of a risqué nature but dealt with very socially conscious themes.

She was the first person with whom I felt comfortable enough to share my growing repertoire of stories. Considering her declared dislike of formal punishment and her unpleasant experiences at school she was an avid reader and soon became a collaborator. Over the years we wrote many stories together, some of which can still be found elsewhere on the net as she freely dispensed them like cough candy.

As I have said Nixdown made no secret about her predilections and back in the day she was involved in the spanking party circuit and often posed for private photo collections. Unfortunately Nix was adamant that I played no part in any of these activities. So ironically my first encounter with a true spankette involved no spanking for R Humphries!

In my books Nicola Jane Nixon helps out her chum, Debs Morton, who is struggling to understand her inner spankette. I have been writing the character of Debs for many years. She evolved from the real-life Debbie (see Writing my First Spanking Story and Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets). Obviously I had a good starting point. Firstly I had overheard her being spanked by her mother, then I later learned completely by accident that she had been slippered and caned at least twice at school, and finally my cousin confirmed that Debbie was by far the naughtiest girl in the school. More than enough to create a mega-minx like Debs Morton.

However, I can say with some certainty that the real-life Debbie does not possess an inner spankette. In fact on that tantalizing night of unexpected revelations in Montreal Debbie was clearly still embittered about getting the cane and the English school system in general. She believed that she had been unfairly singled out and made an example of by a cruel and vindictive Headmistress. I strongly suspect that any chaps offering to spank her in a recreational setting would risk having their eye poked out with a sharp fingernail.

So the early fictional Debs Morton shows no signs of having an inner spankette. She regularly laments her misfortune of being born with an over-active naughty gene and blames her trials and tribulations on an alter-ego who she calls the Imposter. During the Snobs and Rotters tribunal (Volume 12 – The Tribunal) designed to close down the Woody Back to School unit and chuck the Woody Gals in chokey Debs is accused of being a conspiracy theorist who refuses to take responsibility for her own reckless actions.

The relationship between Nixdown and Debs is multi-dimensional. On one level they are the best of chums and form two corners of the notorious mega-minxes known as the Famous Four. On another level their relationship is acrimonious as the darkly cynical Nixdown constantly accuses Debs of being a show-off who only gets herself into trouble to satisfy her constant craving to be in the spotlight. An accusation that Debs strongly refutes.

In my stories Nixdown has always prided herself on being the house degenerate, a character trait promoted by the real-life Nix. She has a reputation for rampant promiscuity and entertains herself by boffing her way through the members of the prefectorial body known as the Elite. Finally she finds herself in a monogamous relationship with the shy and retiring English rose, Penelope Ann Evans. They regularly engage in recreational spanking trysts in the units stables. Nixdown likes to tease Debs by inviting her to join them but Deborah always emphatically refuses and considers Nix to be borderline barking.

However, one of the joys of transforming my original short stories into a longer saga is the opportunity for broader character development. Along the way I introduce new characters which can result in me embarking upon new plot threads that I had not previously anticipated.

In the stories Debs is reacquainted with an old school-friend called Christy Cranfield. Christy had been an influential player in Debs earlier life. Despite a two year age difference they had been best friends at school and had competed for the honor of being known as the naughtiest girl at the exclusive academy. In a curious twist of fate Christy is appointed as the President of Posh (the Head Prefect) and she is forced to cane the errant Deborah on thirty-nine consecutive Fridays.

When Christy reemerges as a paying weekend guest at the Woody Back to School unit she confesses to Debs that she secretly loves to be caned and avails on her old chum to take her up to the library and beat her. At first Deborah is uncomfortable with the arrangement but slowly she finds herself becoming immersed in the private world of pain and pleasure created by Christy and her chum Miss Spanky Botts. At first Deborah’s role is as the disciplinarian but eventually, in a slightly inebriated state, Debs volunteers to bend over her own bed for six on the silks, (the phrase used by the Woody Wags for being caned across the seat of thin silk pajamas), from Christy. She awakes the following morning alarmed to find six throbbing stripes across her bottom. As this plot thread reveals itself Deborah confronts the possibility that her inherent naughtiness that she had previously believed to be a cruel trick of genetic fate has actually been sparked by a secret desire to be punished all along.

With the help of Nixdown and some of her other chums Debs explores the burning question of whether she really likes to be spanked. She finally concludes that although she subscribes to the Rasmussen Principle she would experience none of the ecstasy of being a very, very naughty gal if she was not forced to endure the associated agony in return.

I have not heard from Nix for some years. She was last heard of embarking on her third and hopefully permanent and successful marriage and had moved to Cape Town. So Nix, if you happen to be lurking out there in the cyber-ether drop me a line and let me know how your degenrate life is progressing. Winks and Bottoms Up, R.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Birthday Spankings, the Fine Art of Warmers, and a Magic School Hat

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Yesterday was R Humphries birthday so I was naturally compelled to put My Beloved Jojo over my knee and give her a damn good spanking. Now I know that is in conflict with US tradition but that’s the way it works at Chez Humphries.

I have to say that I am blessed. Not only is Jojo a confirmed and dedicated spankette but she has embraced my fantasy world of the Woody Back to School unit. She is of a theatrical bent which lends itself to role playing. When she presents herself for the evening’s activities she is immaculately dressed in full Woody clobber. She wears a pleated box-bibbed gymslip with a ‘J’ embroidered onto the front over a white blouse and red and black striped tie. She is bare-legged except for white ankle socks and a pair of highly-shone shoes. She is the model of a Woody Gal.

Jojo is an advocate of ‘warmers’. This is what we call a preliminary over the knee hand spanking that is designed to warm her up and help her get into the zone before the main event.

R Humphries is particularly fond of this ritual. There is nothing more intoxicating than Jojo offering me her left wrist, allowing me to guide her slowly downwards and maneuver her into the time-honored position. I love to savor the moment when she is head down and arse up, her arms and legs fully extended and the skirt of her gymslip still covering her shapely rear end.

After an appropriate interval I very carefully fold back her skirt and the tail of her crisp white blouse to reveal her tautened navy blue gossamer bumbags. I am a leisurely chap by nature so I take my time, giving her an initial dusting with her bumbags in situ. I have always liked that quintessentially British metaphor which I came across many years ago in a fanciful piece of seventies pop-lit. The book’s narrator complained that ‘the brute yanked me over his knee and dusted my drawers with a riding crop’. An unforgettable phrase in an otherwise entirely forgettable book.

Once I feel that Jojo is sufficiently initiated I proceed to roll down her bumbags. Of course this every red-blooded spanko’s Holy Grail. My personal preference is to lower them down all the way, until they are concertinaed around Jojo’s ankles. Once she is properly prepared, with her bottom bared to the elements, I like to leave a little time before proceeding so that she can give some consideration to her predicament. During a spanking I think that it’s important to mix things up, so I intersperse leisurely slow smacks with an occasional unexpected blitz attack.

I like to interject the proceedings by occasionally chiding her that she is a very naughty gal and then asking her “what are you?” and ‘what happens to naughty gals?” This rather amuses me as being bent like a bow over the old man’s knee is hardly the most conducive setting for pithy conversation. Nonetheless, despite her unfortunate circumstances my ever faithful wife always manages to respond in the most delightful manner.

Unlike other spanking situations a hand-spanking does not have a pre-determined duration so it is at my discretion to determine when I deem Jojo to be suitably warmed up. Jojo and I might have differing opinions in this regard but as I have her pulled in tightly to the crease of my lap she is at something of a disadvantage to exert much influence in the decision.

Having been brought up in the culture of six of the best my magic spanking number is six (or multiples thereof). I think that six sets of six on the bumbags and another similar quantity on the bare is an appropriate amount for warmers but I do not share this information with Jojo. When I have reached my target I do not immediately turn down her skirt. I like to leave her for a short time while she wonders whether we are finished or just taking a brief interlude before the next deluge begins. I am an amusing fellow in this regard and I like to keep Jojo guessing.

Discussing spanking is very much part of our dynamic, so once I have returned her to the vertical and she has adjusted her clobber we share a hug and have a debriefing. I believe that it is important to gauge her mood and state of readiness before we proceed. Spanking is an intimate partnership and in all the years I have been playing with Jojo we have never found the need for a safe word and we have never over-extended our games beyond her personal thresholds of combining pain with pleasure.

To keep things unpredictable Jojo’s spanking destiny is dictated by a random drawing from out of a straw boater. I have written a litany of ‘punishments’ on scraps of paper and placed them, neatly folded, in the boater, (for the uninitiated a straw boater is a flat-brimmed hat that was commonly sported by schoolgirls back in the day. While personally I considered them to look rather spiffy they were extremely unpopular with the girls who were required to wear them).

For the main event the magic hat determines that Jojo’s fate will be to receive twelve spanks with a leather paddle followed by six strokes of the cane. Jojo accepts this news with admirable stoicism.

The paddle that I select for the mission is shaped like a ping-pong paddle. The leather faces are secured over a delrin core making it quite stiff and unyielding. It is ideally designed for bare bottom, over the knee work. The advertising literature describes it as capable of producing a unique combination of smart and sting. Jojo is generally remarkably resilient but from the outset she is uncharacteristically responsive, kicking her ankles and pummeling her fists in the air. This particular paddle makes a deliciously juicy and rotund sound upon impact, which I find rather gratifying but I suspect that Jojo does not appreciate the sounds exploding in her ears. In an earlier post, ‘The World’s Naughtiest Gal and the Loud One’s Don’t Hurt’, I recall my old friend Penelope making this unlikely claim after she had been soundly slippered by an irate gym-mistress. Jojo is quite emphatic in her opinion that Penny must have had a few bats loose in the belfry.

At the halfway mark we take a breather. I can tell that Jojo is feeling rather whop-weary as she hangs upside down panting. I leave a full sixty seconds before embarking down the home straight. Jojo and I have discussed this technique of breaking up a spanking extensively. A minute might not sound like a long time but she assures me that prone face downwards across my knee with her bottom throbbing like a police beacon it feels like an eternity. She also says that is most somewhat emotionally bewildering as one half of her desperately wants to get it over with and the other half of her dreads the thought of another smack landing. We both agree that it is an effective ingredient in the overall anatomy of a spanking.

If I had not had a tight hold around her waist I am fairly sure that Jojo would have made good her escape, she showed definite signs of her desire to make a bolt for it. I had to adjust her position several times to make sure that she was teed up nicely for the next spank. Kudos to Jojo, though, despite her obvious discomfort she did manage to put it up and keep it up throughout the spanking and not a single howl crossed her lips.

As always I gave Jojo the option to bail-out of the second part of the event but she insisted that after a short break we should continue as planned. Half an hour later she bent over the bed with her hips propped up by a pillow and her bumbags around her ankles

I have been assured by the most respected and learned authorities that six strokes across the bare bum is tough duty under the best of circumstances. Jojo, of course, is not in the best of circumstances. Her bum was glowing a rather delectable shade of red and looked like I could have cooked the birthday steaks on it. I gave her a last chance for a reprieve but she steadfastly refused. I didn’t lay it on too thick but she wriggled and squirmed in consternation. Nonetheless, despite the furious fire obviously burning in her poor beleaguered bum she put it up and kept it up like a trouper.

So to my beloved Jojo, you are truly a superstar spankette and the best birthday present anybody could ever ask for. Bottoms Up, with luv from R.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Put it up and keep it up, the Sweet Spot and the Partnership of Spanking

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I think that we are all agreed that a good spanking is a partnership with both participants having well-defined roles and responsibilities. Whether the spanking is for punishment or recreation the top priority is always safety.

When I use the word spanking I am using it in the more global sense to include caning, tawsing, slippering and all other forms of corporal punishment.

Ms Lawton, the former Grand Dame of the Woody Back to School unit, declares that, “Women are born broad of beam and perfectly designed to absorb six of the best.” I can hear my beloved Jojo muttering that Ms Lawton would be well-advised to keep her opinions to herself. No matter.

At the Back to School unit the inmates are thrashed with a wide range of instruments including slippers, straps, wood-backed hairbrushes, violin bows and sundry kitchen utensils. However it is primarily the cane that is used to warm their backsides.

When the Woody unit was opened Ms Lawton’s first order of business was to abolish caning across the hands which she considered dangerous. She argued that it was pointless to cane a gal across the palms of her hands so that she would barely be able to hold a pen, type at her lap-top or work in the kitchens due to her fingers being swollen up like a bunch of bananas. She convinced the Ministry of Extreme Social Rehabilitation that six across the bum may be disagreeable but is hardly incapacitating (this is of course good news for R Humphries as there is little scope for writing erotic literature related to the caning of hands as far as I know).

Using the cane requires particular attention to safety. The safe target area across the buttocks, known as the sweet spot to the Woody Wags, is relatively narrow on even the most curvaceous of rear ends. It is imperative to avoid miss-hits such as wraparounds, or high or low riders, which are unnecessarily painful or even dangerous.

Personally I think that cane technology has come a long way in recent years. The conventional crook-handled cane served British school masters and ma’ams valiantly for hundreds of years but they are slowly being phased out in favor of the modern super-canes.

Purveyors of fine canes, such as Adam and Gillian and WhypDancer at Canes4Pain, now sell quality rattan canes with crafted handles for a more comfortable grip. More importantly the modern canes provide added accuracy and control. According to the literature they provide ‘twice the sting with half the swing’. This again increases the ability for the disciplinarian to deliver a safe caning.

So if it is the responsibility of the disciplinarian to deliver the spanking in as safe a manner as possible, what is the responsibility of the recipient?

At the Woody Back to School unit the gals know that it is their responsibility to ‘put it up and keep it up’ so that whoever is punishing them can get a good shot at the sweet spot.

The Woody gals pride themselves that they can take a whopping and keep on bopping. One of the central characters Miss Rosemary Booker enters the unit sporting a virgin arse (in other words she had never previously experienced corporal punishment). After her first spanking she astonishes her new chums by telling them that she didn’t see what all the fuss was about and that it was ‘only whops’. “It’s only whops” becomes the mantra of the Woody Gals as they struggle gamely to put it up and keep it up under the constant bombardment of the contents of the formidable Woody armory.

In Cathryn Cassidy’s Manifesto of Mega-minxdom she tells her disciples that “only muffs howl” and warns against rubbing in the aftermath of a punishment in case the enemy perceives this as a sign of weakness. When a Woody gal is spotted striding across the quadrangle of the compound with her hands thrust into her blazer pockets it’s a good bet that she has just been whopped.

Over the years I have spoken to many women who have voiced understandable reservations about experimenting with the cane, but it should not be dangerous. If both partners play their part six of the best can be delivered perfectly safely. I am blessed that my beloved Jojo puts it up and keeps it up in the best tradition of the Woody Gals. It’s no wonder that at the Back to School unit she holds the prestigious title of the Big BUTT, the gal at the very pinnacle of the Bottoms Up Table of Troublemakers!

Bottoms Up to Jojo with love from R Humphries, Grand Master

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Bent Over the Piano Stool and Beaten With a Violin Bow

I have added a Bonus Extract related to this post to the Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga already available at the Woodettes Publications Page. [Useful tip: if you hit the back button on your browser it will take you back to the menu of chapters instead of rudely kicking you out of the page].

In the meantime onto this post’s eclectic topic without further ado!

“On Monday morning, Ms Whitton bent Debs Morton over the piano stool and beat her with a violin bow”.

Sometimes I write a phrase and find myself embarking on a totally new and unexpected thread of a spanking stream of consciousness … (lol .. how pretentious is that?)

From that simple phrase the theme of Debs being beaten in the music room became a recurring topic throughout the Woody Back to School unit saga.

When I first started writing spanking stories (see Writing My First Spanking Story), I generally confined myself to short episodes with a neatly-bundled beginning, middle and end. However, when my beloved Jojo suggested that I should take those stories and merge them into a saga containing a central core of characters that exist and interact in a familiar environment the challenge was to establish relationships both between the inmates, and the inmates and the various members of the Brass. Hopefully I have been successful. The relationship between Debs Morton and Ms Whitton (aka the Wacky Whackster) is one that I have constantly revisited and the episodes that I have written chronicling their rocky times are amongst my personal favorites.

As usual the characters and incidents featured in these episodes have some semi-biographical provenance. The protagonist Ms Whitton is largely based upon a school-master of my acquaintance whom I shall refer to as NCB. He was a former concert pianist whose brilliant and lucrative career was ended in an unfortunate car accident. He was a pretentious type of fellow and clearly begrudged both his reduced circumstances and being forced to try and educate a bunch of yobs and yahoo’s as he called us.

NCB did not actually cane anybody himself but he was fond of saying, “I’d like to bend you over the piano stool and beat you with a violin bow, but I’d be letting you off lightly so I’m sending you up.” The latter reference was to the fact that the Master’s were only allowed to deliver four strokes in the form-room and by sending us up to the Headmasters study we would suffer a full six of the best.

NCB was an unpleasant and malicious cove. He singled out individuals and persecuted them. There was one chap in my class that he particularly hated and I’m sure that NCB was personally responsible for this poor lad’s entry into the ton-up club (see Competitive Caning and the Big BUTT).

On a semi-humorous biographical note. NCB largely left me alone, I had no talent for singing, playing instruments or the rudiments and theory of music. Nonetheless at one point it was considered appropriate that I should take lessons in the bassoon. Why? I have no earthly idea. Firstly my hands were too small for the contraption and secondly I had no ear for such a complicated instrument, (the fact that I had neither the interest or inclination to learn the confounded thing was largely over-looked by the powers that be). Anyway, on one of my end of term report cards NCB wrote “R Humphries continues to play the bassoon”. NCB’s script was not good and my father interpreted this as, “R Humphries continues to play the buffoon,” and promptly gave me a clip around the ear! I have been aggrieved by the pompous snob ever since and of course I have used artistic license to ensure that his alter-ego Ms Whitton gets her appropriate comeuppance eventually.

As I have mentioned in a number of earlier posts the character of Debs Morton evolved from the real-life Debbie who inspired my first venture into spanking writing. Debbie was an academic wunderkind, first-rate sportswoman and prodigious musician. In the Woody books Debs is a similar over-achiever. She has an IQ that can be measured at 158 on the Cattell III B, before being sentenced to Woodys she reached the semi-finals of the women’s singles at Wimbledon, and she has played clarinet with a number of prestigious orchestra’s. Not surprisingly her musical gifts make her the apple of Ms Whitton’s eye. Of course in a spanking saga this also makes her the perfect foil for a giddying fall from grace.

The cause of her fall from grace results from what is known in the Woody books as the ‘Incident of the Fabulous Fart’.

During this notorious incident Debs is at choir practice rehearsing for an imminent recital of Handel’s Messiah to be performed by the inmates. Ms Whitton, who is conducting the piece, notices that Debs is distracted and does not appear to be singing. She summons Deborah to step up before the choir and provide an explanation. It would have been an easy matter for Debs to make an excuse about a sore throat but instead she unexpectedly breaks wind to the merriment of the members of the choir. Whether the release of this gargantuan guff was by design or simply an unfortunate case of bad-timing is a subject of debate amongst Woody historians. Anyway, the Wacky Whackster pounces on her, drags Debs over her knees and flails her bare bottom with a conductor’s baton.

The Dame’s at the Woody Back to School unit are not authorized to publicly beat the inmates on their bare bottoms and they are limited to delivering six strokes with whatever instrument that they may have chosen for the business in hand. Ms Whitton had clearly exceeded her authority and Deborah is given the right to file a complaint with the covert government body known only as the System.

In my stories the last time Deborah had come to the attention of the Great Unwashed she was being publicly hand-cuffed and marched off the center court at Wimbledon. She was subsequently subjected to a vicious anti-Debs media campaign and branded a national disgrace. Debs knew that the System would potentially make the results of her complaint hearing available to the public and she did not relish returning to the attention of the Great Unwashed as a result of an unfortunate dose of flatulence. She broker’s a deal where the Dame in charge of music is not authorized to beat her for a six month period.

I feel a little guilty of portraying Debs in this somewhat unladylike setting. However the incident does have some kind of biographical derivation. I remember this lad letting one rip in the classroom. We had an Irish gal in the class and for some reason this audible gaseous emission sent her into a fit of the giggles. I’ll always remember this incident as it was the poor gal who was made to stand up and hold out her hand so she could receive three whacks of the ruler. It struck me as somewhat unfair at the time but that was the classroom justice that we were brought up on.

On the sixth month anniversary of the fabulous fart Ms Whitton bends Debs over the piano stool and beats her with the violin bow. It is the first of a series of run-ins between Debs and the Music Dame. I notice that many of the kind visitors to my blog have viewed the free sample chapters published on the Woodys Publications page so today I have decided to add an additional bonus extract to the page ‘The Fabulous Fart and Bacon Slicers’ for your hopeful enjoyment.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I have generally tried to make the inmates at the Woody Back to School unit lovable minxes and sympathetic characters. After all, they have been dispatched to the austere social rehabilitation facility by a corrupt government determined to divert the attention of the Great Unwashed from their fiscal malfeasance. The Woody Gals are just trying to make the best of the unfortunate circumstances that they find themselves in. Gals just need to have fun!

However Woodys would not be a very interesting place if there weren’t a few bad apples floating about in the barrel so I felt compelled to create the Secret Society of Serial Spankers. A heinous group of gals whose sole raison d’être is to make life unpleasant for the other inmates.

The Serial Spankers (aka the SS) were the creation of the warped mind of Miss Katie Beck. Katie was originally an inmate at the unit and she ended her sentence in the all-powerful role of Red-shirt (the equivalent of a Head Prefect), presiding over the Elite.

During the final year of their sentences the inmates are appointed to a body of prefects known as the Elite. Members of the Elite have special privileges including having a ‘grubby’ assigned to them as a kind of serf and most importantly they have the authority to cane inmates in the earlier phases of their sentences. It is a system fraught with potential for abuse, especially when a gal like Katie was in charge.

The Elite is broadly based on the systems employed by fee-paying independent boarding schools such as Eton, Rugby, Winchester and Harrow. Numerous biographies recall the trials and tribulations of luckless pupils who incurred the wrath of these august bodies. The most famous corps d’elite is the Eton Pop, a self-appointed body of ‘Great Men’ or ‘Gods’ as they insisted on being referred to. Beatings by the Gods were known as Pop Tannings and were greatly feared. The unfortunate recipients of Pop Tannings were required to report to the gymnasium and to wear ‘old bags’ (trousers) in case the cane slashed the material to tatters!

The most notable literary account of life under this system appears in Thomas Hughes’s semi-autographical novel, Tom Brown’s Schooldays. Tom has the misfortune of ‘fagging’ for the notorious cad and bully Harry Flashman, who memorably roasts him on a spit in the fireplace of the prefects study. Nice type of chap!

At the Woody Back to School unit inmates in the first year of their sentences are known as Grubbys (aka Little Brats) and are assigned a member of the Elite as a mentor who is known as her ‘Personal Draper’. The mentor has full spanking rights and can drape their grubby’s over their knees and dust their bumbags whenever they should feel so inclined.

I came across the term grubbing in a biography of an English female aristocrat who had been sent away to a private boarding school. She recalls that as a punishment gals were often ‘sent out to grub about in the gardens’. She was once sent out to grub about in inclement weather and ended up in the school infirmary after catching a chill. Tantalizingly she commented that a dose of the ‘twig’ would have been preferable. Sadly this nugget was her only reference to corporal punishment.

In my stories Nicola Jane Nixon was assigned to grub for Katie Beck. Nicola Jane is a belligerent and cynical cove by nature and not well suited for the assignment. Katie takes advantage of her charges wilful personality and Nicola Jane establishes the record as the ‘Most Spanked Brat in History.’ Katie often illegally yanks down Nicola Jane’s bumbags and warms her naked buns. This earns NJ the nickname of Nixdown (as in ‘knickers down’, a very English reference).

Katie encourages her Elite force to indulge in Sporting Spanking, basically draping their grubbys apropos of nothing. It was not a good time to be a grubby. It is not only the grubbys who suffered under Katie’s cruel regime. Upon learning of her appointment she promises to thrash every eligible inmate at the unit during her first hundred days of office. She delivers on her promise in half the time and goes on to cane and spank the Woody Gals at a record-breaking pace.

After completing her sentence Katie returns as the unit matron determined to create mischief and mayhem inside the tautened navy blue gossamer bumbags of the Woody Gals.

Katie conspires with Patricia Hodge and Ms Wharton (aka the Wart) to recruit a new SS. When the nefarious and irredeemable Yvonne Godfrey arrives at the unit the three cronies covertly recruit her as the future Commandant of the Serial Spankers and together they plot and connive to establish an SS more heinous than any that had existed before.

When Yvonne is finally appointed as a member of the Elite, in collaboration with her sycophantic cohorts, ‘Mitch the Bitch’, ‘Ivan the Terrible’, Spanker Spage’ and ‘Undies Underly’, she embarks upon an unprecedented frenzy of serial spanking and caning.

Yvonne is greatly helped by her promotion coinciding with the imposition of a harsh regime known as Operation Scorched Arse at the facility where the Brass and Elite are instructed to subject the inmates to a regime of zero-tolerance. Even minor breaches of the rules, regulations and protocols are rewarded with a very hot and sweaty six of the best.

I don’t often post pictures on this page for reasons of potential copyright infringement but these two superb line drawings beautifully compliment an episode from the book Operation Scorched Arse. I have no idea where I found these pictures or who the artist might be. If anybody can assist I would be more than happy to post an acknowledgement.

In the particular episode the character Debs Morton has just been declared Public Enemy Number One at the facility and the Brass and Elite have been instructed to target her as a hostile and treat her with ‘Extreme Prejudice’.

In a cunning plan conjoured up by Katie Beck, Deborah is summonsed before a Council of the Red House and charged with ‘Bringing the House into Disrepute’. Debs is stitched up like a kipper. Yvonne and her cohorts hold the majority on the Red House council and are able to rig the vote. Deborah is sentenced to a Formal House Beating delivered in front of the assembled other members of the Red House. I think these two drawings offer a representation of Deborah’s hearing in front of the council and her subsequent thrashing in the gymnasium quite deliciously. I particularly like the condescending expressions of the faces on the gals in the background and can easily imagine them as Mitch the Bitch and the others secretly hiding their coprophagic smirks at Deborah’s ignominious disgrace.

Of course, Yvonne and her cronies don’t have it all their own way. First, Spanker Spage is caught delivering an illicit slippering and is sacked and dispatched to chokey. At the conclussion of the  The Inmates Strike Back volume of the Woody Back to School unit saga, the heinous SS are ambushed by the Woody Gals and dragged off to the punishment room at the back of the library where they are subjected to  a series of lengthy hairbrush spankings and extended canings. It is one of My Beloved Jojo’s favorite sequences.

The following year, when the popular unit heroine, Lady Victoria Brompton, is elected to the role of Red-shirt she pledges to stamp out the SS and abolish sporting spanking, collaring, sweating and the many other dastardly tricks employed by Yvonne. Despite Katie’s vain efforts to resurrect an SS Lady Vix proves a worthy foe and Katie is thwarted. More on the aristocratic Lady Victoria in later posts.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The Dyke, George W and Reverse Defenestration

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I had great fun developing the character of Ms MacAllister, a.k.a. the Dyke. She is a combination of two people I encountered along life’s highway, who had little in common other than they were Scottish.

The first was a teacher named Miss MacF. She was younger than most of the other teachers and rather popular. Nonetheless she was a fearsome disciplinarian and liked to scare us with stories of her own schooldays in the Highlands where the infamous Lochgelly tawse was in daily use.

The provenance and history of the Lochgelly tawse is widely available on the web but in summary, the original lethal tawses were designed by a saddler named Robert Philp who owned a store in the town of Lochgelly. He originally cut the tawses for his son and daughter who were both employed as teachers in the town. The stinging straps soon became famous and Philp was commissioned to provide custom made tawses for schools throughout the Scottish Education System. Later, a former apprentice, George W Dick, would purchase the business and dedicate his life to perfecting the aero-dynamics of the split-ended strap.

The two-tailed tawse in the picture is available from M C Customs at 

http://www.mccustoms.co.uk/main.php,

along with a fine collection of custom tawses and paddles. 

 In my stories it amuses me to refer to the Dyke’s tawses as George W’s. I wonder whether the inept and pompous British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, was ever whapped with a George W. Delicious thought.

In the Scottish Education System the tawse was delivered across the palms. A 1977 survey by the Educational Institute of Scotland (the teachers’ trade union) found that 36% of 12-to-15- year-old boys were belted at least once in 10 school days; 21% of these were strapped three or more times in the same period.

However according to Miss MacF use of the tawse was far from limited to boys. She used to tell us that first thing in the morning a boy or gal would be randomly selected and brought before the class to hold out there hands so that the remaining pupils would be reminded what would happen if they misbehaved. Now that could give you the serious pip!

A friend of mine’s wife who was brought up in the rough Clyde area of Glasgow (and who I suspect of being a latent, if dormant, spankette) confirmed that the tawse was widely used on gal’s during her schooldays and is unashamedly eloquent on the subject. She has provided me many nuggets that have resurfaced in my stories.

Miss MacF was a brilliant teacher, her only failing was her unfathomable brogue, especially when she was vexed. She was actually not allowed to use the cane (or the tawse) and was fond of telling us, “Ah’d love to cane ya maself but ah’m sending you up” (or oop, as she pronounced it). She was tough but fair and if you were sent ‘oop’ you knew that you deserved it. I tried to write this judicious character trait into the Dyke.

In my stories the Dyke is known for her stylish attire and is much given to wearing tailored men’s three piece suits with collar and tie. She wears her hair cropped short and chain-smokes unfiltered Camel cigarettes through a variety of vintage cigarette holders. She occasionally sports a top-hat, monocle and spats.

This unlikely sartorial taste is actually derived from a young lady who I worked with many years ago in a fishing port in the North East of Scotland. The port had a deepwater dock where we could bring our floating hotel in for commissioning and testing before taking it offshore.

Phyllis was the human resource director and always dressed in a three-piece suit. The more flamboyant accessories favored by the Dyke are a result of Phyllis arriving at a fancy dress party dressed as Fred Astaire. I have actually no idea as to her sexual predilections or whether she was ever thrashed with a George W, but she helped me create a fun (and hopefully funny) character.

As I said earlier the tawse was predominantly delivered across the hands at Scottish schools but I personally think that they are ideally suited for bottom work.

The currently available Lochgelly tawses are constructed from dense British Harness leather which is guaranteed to become supple with age and use and their nineteen and a half inch length is designed to wrap perfectly across a well presented bottom. The ratio of the tailed and untailed ends of a perfectly cut George W tawse is exactly one to two and according to the literature accompanying the ‘George W OTK Collection’ the business end is designed to safely wrap around a matured buttock. They are designed to have a disconcerting effect when applied to the naked bottom. Although the delay between the impacts of each tail is barely discernable recipients are unequivocal about the intensity of the experience. To avoid undue discomfort the edges of the tails are marked with a saddlers crease line and fully beveled, burnished and finished.

Apparently outside of the education system the tawse was commonly applied to recalcitrant off-springs behinds. I remember a particularly compelling letter contained in the correspondence sections of one of my spanking magazines written by an unfortunate Scots lassie.

She recalled that she took regular trips across her father’s knee to be corrected with the tawse. At school she had worn a traditional Royal Stewart Tartan Billie kilt secured above the left knee with an ornate crested pin to stop it from flapping open in the bitter Highland winds. When she had been punished by her father she was required to remove the pin and her bumbags and hand them over to her mother for twenty-four hours. This resulted in her being forced to constantly clap her hands to her thighs to hold her kilt in place to avoid the embarrassment of full frontal exposure caused by the hostile climate. She complained that an added inconvenience was that the kilts were cut from a heavy and coarse yarn to give them weight and flow. The heavy wool chaffed the naked flesh of her well-tawsed bare behind unbearably.

Of course I have no idea of the veracity of this letter but it certainly offered inspirational fuel. This brings me neatly to the subject of defenestration.

The strict dictionary definition of defenestration is the throwing of a person or thing out of a window. In the Woody stories, during her own schooldays, the Dyke was subjected to reverse defenestration. She would be sent to a cold room known as the Ice Chamber to await the tawse. Relieved of her bumbags she would be forced to bend out through a third-floor window and subjected to the harsh external elements. The window would then be lowered across her back to stop her from defenestrating when the wicked two-tailed tawse started to lick her behind.

Now who would dream that up? Well actually the derivation of this macabre ritual can be found in David Niven’s, “A Moon’s a Balloon”. According to Mr Niven, while he was at Dulwich College this was a method employed by one of the master’s. So don’t be pointing fingers at me, all I do is collect nuggets and piece them together to create my characters and the situations that they find themselves in.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Competitive Caning and the Big BUTT

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Thanks to Paolo in Dublin for his kind remarks (note that he has migrated his erudite blog to the WordPress community so update your links!)

It seems like a lot of bloggers were lurking about in the Janus bookshop in London. Richard Windsor  has made posts about his early forays and now Paolo fess’s up to his Soho sorties.

It was also pleasing to read Paolo’s comments about the school system that we were brought up in (must be the same cane-generation ‘ish). Although the Woody Back to School Unit is entirely fictional and a product of my eclectic imagination the more biographical events that I self-indulgently ramble on about on this page are pretty much accurate. Which brings us niftily to the subject of competitive caning.

At the Woody Back to School unit the resident mega-minxes pass their time by competing for status on the Bottoms Up Table of Troublemakers. The inmate who has accumulated the most punishments holds the prestigious title of the Big BUTT. The current title holder is the world’s greatest über-minx, My Beloved Jojo!

The concept of competitive caning is not unique to the Woody unit. The British author and journalist Auberon Waugh wrote proudly that he held the school record for being beaten for six consecutive terms. My own grammar school practiced its own Big BUTT known as the ‘ton-up’ club where the goal was to accumulate 100 hundred strokes of the cane.

Canings were delivered in four’s (by the Masters) and six’s (by the Headmaster) so you only needed to be caned twenty times to join the club. This is not as much as it sounds. A 1977 survey by the Educational Institute of Scotland (the teachers’ trade union) found that 36% of 12-to-15- year-old boys were belted at least once in 10 school days; 21% of these were strapped three or more times in the same period. So  by comparison scoring a proverbial century we were not setting ourselves particularly ambitious or extravagant targets.

By contrast at the Woody Back to School unit Jojo has been caned over two hundred and fifty times in her pursuit of the coveted title of Big BUTT. Hey, I write spanking stories so in a series of books that are comprised of nearly 4,500 pages, or 4.5 million words, it is not unreasonable that one of the central characters scores a few whops along the way!

Jojo faces some tough competition and always has a plethora of mega-minxes snapping at her bumbags and trying to take her title. Another nifty segue into allowing me to introduce you to some of the characters featured in my stories in future posts.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Not Quite Such a Naughty Gal But She Still Got the Cane

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

In an earlier post ‘The World’s Naughtiest Gal and the Loud One’s Don’t Hurt’, I recalled the trials and tribulations of an old school chum, Penelope. Obviously threading the personality and antics of Penny into my characters was not exactly a great challenge. She was the quintessential mega-minx.

However, as I have said previously, I am a product of the last caning generation where regardless of gender it was almost impossible to navigate the education system without experiencing some form of corporal punishment. You didn’t have to be as naughty as Penny to be subjected to one kind of walloping or another. It was an accepted part of daily life.

One day I was seated beside a gal, who for the purposes of this post I shall call Michelle. She was the anti-thesis of the tomboy Pen. She was a quiet type, studious and very clever as I remember. Her mother was a teacher at the school which probably explained why she was generally well-behaved.

On this particular day the class had been put on ten-minute silence for reasons long forgotten. For some reason Michelle and I evaporated into uncontrollable giggles and when we failed to suppress them we were summarily ejected from the room and dispatched to the Headmaster’s study.

On the way Michelle became increasingly agitated and distressed. She confided that she was terrified because [note this is not a verbatim quote but you will get the drift], “I think I’m going to get six. I’ve only ever had three before but Mrs W. said if I was sent up again this term she’d give me six.”

This brings to mind a passage from one of the Frank Richards Billy Bunter collection where Bunter is in the office of the very strict, gimlet eyed Mr Quelch.

Quelch tells Billy, “The last time that you were in this study I gave you three strokes of the cane, it clearly did not do any good,” to which the hopeful Bunter responds, “Jolly good sir, then shall I cut along?”

Peering over his pince-nez Quelch coldly informs Billy, “You shall certainly not cut along, Bunter, on this occasion I intend to give you six. Now bend over the chair.”

Ever the chivalrous gentlemen the young R. Humphries assured Michelle that there was little prospect of us getting caned for the minor misdemeanor of giggling. She was not in the least bit consoled and was proven correct in her assessment. We were lambasted by the Headmaster for contravening the golden rule of imposed silence and Michelle was dispatched along the hallway to visit Mrs W. the Deputy Headmistress’s office, who would ‘attend to her’.

After I was dealt with I waited at the bottom of the stairs to offer sympathy and consolation (such a gent). Finally she emerged, slightly tearful and rubbing the seat of her skirt furiously. Nonetheless the good news for Michelle was that Mrs W. had forgotten her former threat and only subjected her to two cuts of the cane. Painful, of course, but nothing compared to the effects of six of the best.

As I said earlier in the piece it was near impossible to avoid experiencing some form of corporal punishment but I was still surprised to discover that Michelle had ever been caned. She was rarely sent to stand in the corner, never kept back for a spanking and on the few occasions that she was sent up we assumed that she escaped with a scolding. She had participated in the occasional ‘mass rulerings’, where everybody in the class was required to form a line and hold out their left hands for a couple of whacks with the wooden rule but that was unavoidable.

There were hundreds of Michelle’s, quiet, modest, academic and generally well-behaved but regardless of their stellar records the system favored expediency rather than convolution. Short-sharp shocks produced the desired results.

Was the system just? I don’t know, but we were certainly not fearful. The rules of engagement between staff and pupils were clear and the consequences were explicit. Did it do us any harm or leave lasting scars? I doubt it. The corporal punishment pages at Friends Reunited generally end with the cheery salutation of “Those were the days”.

Did it turn me into a proud and life-long spanko? You can bet your arse on that!

So, Bottoms Up … R Humphries

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

The World’s Naughtiest Gal and The Loud One’s Don’t Hurt

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I expect every school has one. The one pupil who is constantly in trouble. My first school had plenty of reprobates and I suspect that these days the majority of us would be put on some mind-altering drug to eliminate our high-spirits. The naughtiest pupil at that school was a girl named Penelope. Now when I say naughty I do not mean bad. Penny did not have a mean-spirited bone in her body. She was the quintessential tomboy who climbed trees, was the first girl I knew who could actually kick a football with skill, and she could run like the wind. She was kind of pretty, quite charming and had a fantastic sense of humor. She was very popular and I suspect that even the teachers who had to deal with her shenanigans were secretly fond of her.

It is hard to describe how she was so naughty as most of the time nobody ever really seemed to know why she was always being scolded, told to stay behind after school, or being sent up to the Headmaster’s office. Despite her generally sunny and out-going character I have no idea how often she was subjected to corporal punishment as she rarely discussed the outcomes of her upstairs visits, but there is little question that she was caned frequently by the Deputy Headmistress.

I do know that she was regularly spanked. It was commonplace for the boys to be called up in front of the class to bend over to receive a spanking but girls were treated differently.

“Penelope, I think that you’d better stay behind this evening,” was the common clarion call. We all knew this to be code that she could expect a spanking. Many afternoons after we had placed our chairs on the desks and filed out of the classroom Penny would be left behind to await her fate.

Her appointments upstairs, the after-school spankings and her frequent dismissal to stand in the corner were supplemented with cracks across the palm of the hand with a wooden ruler. Pen was not alone or singled out for punishment. I doubt that there was a boy or girl who left that school without receiving some kind of corporal punishment but she was notable for her frequency.

Getting whapped across the left hand with a ruler was commonplace and really didn’t hurt that much. It was greatly preferable to being sent up for six with the cane which as most of you will know hurts like crazy.

Pen was the first girl I ever saw getting spanked (slippered actually). We were in the gymnasium and Penny decided to entertain herself by careering down one of the pieces of apparatus in a rather reckless manner which could have resulted in causing herself a quite severe injury. The teacher went ballistic and dragged her across the gym and bent her over a vaulting box. She yanked off her plimsoll and gave Pen a really good whacking across the seat of her gym-shorts. Amazingly Penny didn’t howl or holler. I don’t know how many spanks she got but it was certainly more than six.

As I say Pen was generally very tight-lipped about her trials and tribulations but on this occasion she made one of the most bizarre comments that I’ve ever heard … “everybody knows that the loud one’s don’t hurt”. In all my years of spanking I have never met anybody who would agree with this curious claim but the phrase struck a chord with young R. Humphries and I have never forgotten it.

Later I witnessed poor old Pen get a second spanking. This time me and my chums were partly to blame for her unfortunate circumstances. Our school stood adjacent to an art college. A new modern building had been constructed with large dormer windows. To avoid the windows being broken by our footballs a tall wire mesh fence had been erected. If our footballs went over the wall we were supposed to wait for the art schools caretaker to return them. We rarely obeyed this rule and were forever finding ways to retrieve our valuable balls. On this particular day the ball had gone over the fence and landed on a ledge. This was a difficult rescue operation as the mesh fence needed to be climbed. Somehow Penny was persuaded to scale the fence. She was nimble and athletic and carried out the mission in admirable time. Unfortunately she did not go undetected. As she made her return descent her mother, who acted as a school dinner monitor in the playground, was waiting. She marched her daughter across the recreation area and we suspected she would be hauled up before the Headmaster. Instead her mother reached a wooden bench, plonked herself down and dragged Penny over her knees. She gave Pen a damn good spanking over the seat of her skirt. This time Penny did kick up a hell of a hullabaloo but I suspect her dignity was hurt more than her bum. She was finally released and dragged up to the Headmaster’s office where I have no doubt she was sent next door for the cane.

Penny’s antics have always been a source of inspiration for my stories and her character permeates through all the mega-minxes at the Woody Back to School unit. Pen’s perennial naughtiness is particularly prevalent in the character of Debs Morton. Deborah constantly struggles with the inexplicable urge to be naughty and I can only assume that Pen suffered the same struggles. Another characteristic of Penny’s that surfaces in Debs is that she always seemed to be the one that got caught. Debs chum Nixdown calls her the worlds most inept minx.

Nonetheless Pen remained admirably cheerful, playful and remarkably unaffected by her semi-permanent position of being in disgrace. A true inspiration for the wannabe mega-mixes out there in the community.

When we changed schools Pen went off to a local convent school. I saw her occasionally and on one occasion she offered a beautiful nugget of information. “The nuns cane really hard”, she told me. That was all, but it was a wonderful nugget.

Interestingly as a footnote, my mother who knows about all things, later told me that Penny had married an overseas gentleman much against her parent’s wishes. She and hubby moved to a farm in Scotland where they had a large brood of children. I feel certain that they were brought up bare-footed, mischievous and to be wonderfully naughty by the inimitable Penelope.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

New Free Spanking Chapters on the Woodettes Publications Page

In a spurt of techno-creativity I have added the remaining opening chapters of the Woody Back to School unit saga books on the Woodettes Publications Page, bringing the total free sample chapters available to 35.

I am currently writing Volume 36 and my beloved Jojo is diligently editing the previously completed books in preparation for our foray into self-publishing.

I hope that anybody who has taken the time to visit the publications page has enjoyed reading the chapters as much as I have enjoyed writing them. Readers may even be tempted to purchase the full volumes as they become available.

Thank y’all for visiting (that’s my London-Texas twang) … R Humphries

“Remove Your Blazer” and Other Punishment Rituals

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

“Remove your blazer and bend over the chair.” At the Woody Back to School unit these seven ritualistic words are enough to send chills up the spines of errant inmates who have been dispatched to the Principal’s office.

Defenses have been entered and all manner of excuses made but once an inmate is instructed to remove her blazer any vague notions of escape and forgiveness are dispelled and it is on with the business of whops.

These words are a paraphrase of the Headmaster of the grammar school I attended in London so I feel amply qualified to attest to emotions that they could arouse.

My fascination with corporal punishment has always been dominated by rituals. Without question that is why my stories are set in an institution where rules, regulations and protocols must be obeyed and consequences firmly established.

One of my characters, Christy Cranfield, is so obsessed by rituals that she comments that perhaps she should have been born a catholic. I had great fun developing the Christy character, who is quintessentially English and a product of the fee-paying, boarding school system that existed not so long ago.

In my saga Christy is a regular guest at the Woody Back to School unit and acts as Mistress of Discipline at Café Woodys. She learned her trade as a martinet while attending (the fictitious) Queensgate Academy where she served as President of Posh and was responsible for administering discipline.

At the fictitious school the Dames are far too refined to administer discipline themselves and employ a system where recalcitrant pupils are ‘Put on the Menu’. Gals on the menu are required to report at six o’clock to plead their cases in front of a prefectorial body known as ‘The Posh’.

When they arrive at the Posh HQ they are required to wait in the Tank, an external ante-room until they are summonsed. Once all gals on the menu have entered their defenses or agreed to plea bargains they return one by one for sentencing. Punishments range from impositions, detentions and community service to being thrashed with the ceremonial ‘popping stick’.

This system is an adaptation of the methods employed by famous schools such as Eton College, Rugby, and Winchester. The ritualistic nature of these institutions are brilliantly demonstrated in (1) The caning scene in ‘If’, Lindsey Anderson’s anarchic take on the private school system which can be found simply by typing ‘If Caning Scene’ into YouTube and (2) the caning of Guy Burgess (played by Rupert Everett) in Another Country directed by Marek Kanievska. Both films demonstrate the hypocrisy and snobbery of the private school system but more importantly to me the rituals employed by the prefects provided me with the inspiration to create the Christy character and helped me develop many of the rituals that are a prominent feature of my stories.

The two films mentioned above are of course set in male environments so the question is did the same systems exist in girls boarding schools. Although I suspect that they were not so prevalent the body of evidence suggests that the answer is yes.

In an interview I read years ago but that I have never been able to find on the internet the wonderful actress Juliet Stephenson was asked whether she remembered a certain member of the royal family from school. She tantalizingly replied that they were several years apart at school (Juliet being older) and that she would only have had reason to associate with her if it had been necessary to give her a thrashing. Make of that what you will.

A famous journalist, Eve Arnold, wrote about her boarding school days where she said the nun’s regularly ‘stormed the dorm’ and the girls were required to lower their pajama bottoms and bend over their beds so that they could be whacked with hairbrushes for not settling down after lights out.

A review of the Corporal Punishment section of the Friends Reunited web-site has hundreds of recollections of female corporal punishment and Margaret Stone documents the subject in her well-researched book the Corporal Punishment of Schoolgirls.

Of course the austere disciplinary regime at the Woody Back to School unit is an extreme extension of any of these systems and is entirely fictitious. One of the central characters Deborah Morton holds the record as the most caned pupil in recorded history having been caned on eighty-three occasions. This is a highly implausible statistic. Even my old friend Nixdown was only caned on half a dozen occasions and from what I can gather she was a menace to the boarding school community that she inhabited (more about Nixdown at a later date).

In my post ‘Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets’ I recall that I was able to glean that she was caned at least twice and also slippered. Hardly record breaking stuff by Woody standards. Although I have often wondered whether she doesn’t actually hold some kind of record?

Back in the summer of seventy-six much was made of the Lynne Simmonds case. Miss Simmonds was caned by her Headmistress, Miss Janet Dines, and became something of a cause célèbre when sponsored by the Society of Teachers Opposed to Physical Punishment (STOPP) her parents brought a private case of assault and beating.

It transpired that Miss Simmonds was a troublesome cove and the charges were dropped and the Headmistress vindicated. This case garnered considerable publicity and helped STOPP accelerate the abolition of corporal punishment.

To the best of my calculations Debbie was caned nearly a year later so I have often wondered whether she was the last girl to be caned on the bottom at school. I doubt I will ever find out but it is a delicious thought.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

12 New Free Spanking Story Chapters Posted in Woodettes Publications

As I have said in an earlier post the term six of the best originates from 18th Century England when flogging houses were all the rage and was used by the infamous dominatrix Teresa Berkeley. Therefore it made sense to me that when the inmates of the Woody Back to School unit are subjected to the longer punishment of twelve strokes the Woody Wags dubbed it as having received a ‘Double Berkeley’.

I have added a Double Berkeley of chapters from the Woody Back to School unit saga to the Woodettes Publications Page (nifty segue I thought!), bringing the total sample extracts to eighteen.

Establishing this blog has offered me a new dimension to my passion for writing on the subject of spanking. Historically I have always written stories which by their nature require a spine, a beginning, middle, and end, without too many superfluous diversions. I regularly find myself compelled to edit out passages that were written out of personal interest but distracted from the story at hand. Writing this blog gives me a justification to muse upon the ‘back-stories’ behind the characters and environment of the eclectic world I have created at the Woody Back to School unit. Perhaps that sounds self-indulgent, but nonetheless I shall publish and be damned.

Six of the Best

My favorite phrase! It immediately conjures up delicious thoughts of the sound of swishing rattan rebounding off tautened bumbags. As best as I can tell it was Theresa Berkeley, the famous nineteenth century dominatrix, who first decreed the limitation when the cane was used. At her popular house of flagellation at 28 Charlotte Street the birch was the instrument of choice. The famous London Flogging girls such as Miss Ring, One-eyed Peg and Ebony Bet could take dozens of strokes of the birch but complained that extended sessions with the cane took too long to recover from and reduced their business opportunities. Accordingly Berkeley allowed visiting floggers’ six strokes at a fixed price if they chose to beat the girls with the Nilgiri canes she had imported from Eastern India. Additional strokes could be purchased at increasing ad valorem duties. In an obituary, published in the London Times, following her death in 1836 she was described as ‘Six of the Best Berkeley’.

However, I am refering to a different kind of six. I feel quite elated for quite another reason. I successfully overcame technological hurdles and managed to post six extracts from the Woody Back to School Unit saga on the Woodettes Publication tab. Buoyed by this achievement I shall add chapters from the remaining books and then all that needs to be done is to finish editing and try my hand at publishing them via lulu.com which is surprisingly painless. It is a wonderful feeling to actually receive a book through the mail with a proper cover, professionally bound, your name on the cover and your words in print. Onwards and upwards into the world of self-publication. Lulu is truly a wonderful thing! 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Writing My First Spanking Story

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I first put pen to paper and wrote a spanking story way back in the early nineteen-seventies. I had always known that I had a deep-seated fascination with corporal punishment. I come from the last generation where the cane was not just a deterrent but an every-day way of life. My memories of school in the late-sixties and early-seventies London undoubtedly form the basis of almost all my stories.

However, my first story was inspired not in the school setting but from an incident of domestic discipline involving my best friend’s sister that occurred in the spring of 1973.

Although we attended a well-respected grammar school I must confess me and my friends had little time for the dull academic curriculum and dusty post-war refugees that were tasked with educating us. We played hookey a great deal. My best friend’s house was a safe haven for truants as both parents were full-time workers.

On the day in question my pal and I had taken the afternoon off to listen to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon which had recently been released. My friend’s chaps were relatively well-heeled and owned a Bang and Olufsen Beocenter 1400 which was ideal for young hipsters to blast out our new musical discoveries. Unfortunately we were disturbed by the mother of the piece returning home unexpectedly.

It has to be said that she was a very cool woman (and still is) and did not interrogate us as to why we were loafing about her living room instead of poring over Latin text in the classroom. She merely told us to turn down the sound and somewhat enigmatically informed us that ‘Debbie will be home in a moment’.

Debbie was my friend’s younger sister by two years. Due to her youth cool cats like us generally ignored her. She attended a different and rather exclusive school to us. We considered her as something of a Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes as she appeared to excel at everything from academia to sports and music. I had observed that she appeared to be the apple of her parent’s eye.

As I have said the mother was a very cool woman and I was somewhat surprised to hear an altercation coming from the kitchen. My pal merely rolled his eyes and put on his father’s head-phones.

After a few minutes mother and daughter emerged from the kitchen and crossed the living room, completely ignoring me. Debbie was being very firmly marched towards the stairs. She was not going quietly.

The school Debbie attended was considered the best and most prestigious in the area and prided itself on old-fashioned values. It continued to impose a strict code of uniform. To this day I can still conjure up the image of Debbie being hustled across the room. She was dressed in her striped blazer, gymslip with a ‘D’ embroidered on the chest, white blouse and striped tie. This uniform would become the ‘clobber’ that the inmates of the Woody Back to School Unit would be required to wear at all times.

They disappeared upstairs and a door-slammed shut. I have no specific details of what transpired in the upstairs bedroom save to say that the sounds that emanated from behind the door left me in no doubt that Debbie was getting a spanking. I had seen and heard so many spankings at school that the sound was unmistakable.

A short while later the mother emerged and returned to the kitchen. Nothing was said.

For reasons that I shall not dwell upon my relationship with my parent’s was not as going as smoothly as might have been desired (my fault entirely!) and I regularly stayed for supper at my friends house.

Around six o’clock we were summoned to table and Debbie was called down from her room. It was another defining moment for the young R. Humphries and I shall never forget that meal.

Debbie came down looking slightly flushed and embarrassed. She stared down at her plate and toyed with her food, determinedly ignoring her brother and I. Momentarily she must have sensed me watching her and she looked up. I can still see her face. She glared at me, defying me to say something or make a joke. Her cheeks were slightly red but her eyes were blazing. She quickly looked away and returned to pushing her fish fingers around her plate with her fork.

That evening I wrote my first spanking story, I was short on details so I had to imagine what could have happened to provoke her mother into putting her over her knee.

The following day my chum, somewhat disinterestedly, imparted the information that Debbie had been suspended from school for a week but didn’t give any further details. I would not learn the truth for some time to come.

Over the years I have had only limited contact with Debbie but as the of result two crucial vanilla-based conversations she would unwittingly become transformed into the character of Deborah Morton.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Did Claire Get the Cane? – Another Vanilla Nugget

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Another vanilla nugget allowed me to create the character of Claire Brooks. I was working in London and had been employed by the board of directors of a small engineering consultancy to assess whether there was any opportunity to turn its fortunes around. It was the mid-eighties and we were in the midst of an oil crash. It was clear to me that there was absolutely no work and little or no chance of securing any projects in the immediate future. I was given the unenviable task of wrapping the operation up.

At the time the consultants had one outstanding bid in the market-place so I was able to persuade the board to keep the staff for a few weeks that would at least give them a chance to find alternative employment.

Every lunch-time we repaired to the local pub as there was nothing happening in the office. One day we were having a few beers and one of the engineers was giving out about one of his off-spring who was causing pandemonium at school. The engineer lamented that a dose of the cane (which had been outlawed) would be the ideal way to sort things out. There followed a general (vanilla) conversation about the pro’s and con’s of corporal punishment. The only girl in the group was our Girl-Friday. She was a somewhat ‘Sloane Rangerish’ individual but she had a wicked and coarse sense of humor. During the conversation she admitted that “we used to get swished by the prefects at school”. My attention was immediately piqued, my spanko-radar on full alert, but fate intervened. In those days the pubs closed during the afternoon and just as Girl-Friday had imparted this nugget the barmaid came over to take last orders. By the time drinks were arranged and paid for the conversation had moved on and the subject changed.

On the day that we closed our doors I took her for lunch, wondering how to get the conversation around to the subject of ‘swishing’. Sadly despite no end of Machiavellian ploys and conversational maneuvers I was unsuccessful but that one innocent comment was enough for me to create the character of Claire Brooks.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

In my last post I alluded to two ‘vanilla-based’ spanking conversations that I had with my best friends sister, Debbie. These conversations were both very important in my development as a spanking-writer and occurred nearly thirty years apart. They taught me the importance of the nuggets that can be discovered in vanilla conversation if you just keep your ears open.

In 1976 my best friend’s family immigrated to Toronto, Canada. I did not see them for the next two years. When I went to visit Debbie had matured into a fine young woman and was clearly happy in Toronto. She was dating an ice hockey jock and had won several major tennis tournaments around Ontario and the adjacent provinces. She was quite the success and had been voted Class President. We became quite close but the matter of the spanking was never addressed. I also chose not confide in her that she had become the central character in my many spanking yarns.

I began to work offshore in the North Sea, doing two-week on, two-week off rotations and had plenty of free-time and money. I quite often took trips to Toronto to visit my pal and his family. Debbie had enrolled at Concordia University in Montreal, taking advantage of her fluency in the French language. My chum and I occasionally took road-trips to visit his sister and I was charmed by the city.

On several occasions I visited Debbie on my own. She was a charming hostess and lived a busy student life; there was always a round of parties and other activities. In the winter of 1979 I visited her during the winter. At the time she had completed her degree and was taking her Masters. The visit was memorable for two reasons. First the weather was truly appalling and I had never been so cold in my life. The second was an impromptu conversation that would capture my imagination and remain as a milestone in my development as a writer of spanking stories.

First though, I would like to assure you that this was a vanilla conversation that had absolutely no spanko undertones. To the best of my knowledge Debbie has no interest in spanking or corporal punishment and, in fact, the manner she told me of the following incidents were delivered with some anger and bitterness. I very much doubt that she would appreciate being a central character of over thirty-five years of my spanking stories.

Debbie had moved into a small townhouse her father had wisely purchased. On the last day of this visit we were finally defeated by the unrelenting wind and snow and decided to stay home and cook. It was a convivial evening, greatly enhanced by several bottles of cheap red wine.

I have to admit that despite my knowledge of her spanking several years before I had always been of the opinion that she was something of a Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes. Like Debs Morton, the character upon whom she is based, she was an exceptional over-achiever and I had always thought that the spanking and her suspension from school was just ‘one-of-those-things’.

I was still pretty young and still liked to gloat over her brother and I’s adolescent delinquency. I don’t remember exactly how the conversation began but I assume I was recalling some great moments of my miss-spent youth when she interjected with the comment that ‘at least you were never expelled’ (referring to ‘from school’) and then astonished me by saying, ‘I was, twice’.

As I say, this conversation was in a vanilla context and she was responding to my youthful boasts. To say that she was actually expelled is not entirely accurate. She was not summarily marched to the gates and dispatched but clearly she did twice become a persona non grata.

Before the family had moved to my area of London Debbie had been awarded an academic scholarship at a prestigious boarding school. It was by her account an unhappy period. Her parents were by most standards relatively wealthy but by the standards of the other girls at the school she was a pauper. She gave me almost no information save to say that she felt that she was picked on by the teachers and was always in detention. Apparently at the end of her first year her scholarship was mysteriously rescinded and her parents had no other option but to remove her from the school.

The family moved to my area where she was enrolled in an independent fee-paying school considered the best in the area. I have some knowledge of the school as my cousin was an attendee, along with my sister’s best friend and a number of other local girl’s I grew up with. I was aware that it infrequently used the cane as it was well-known in my family that my cousin had been caned for truancy. I remember my sister getting into trouble at her school, which did not practice corporal punishment, and her comment that it was lucky that she did not attend my cousin’s school as she would probably have got the cane (another nugget).

That night Debbie told me that she was ‘often’ in trouble at her new school. This was subsequently confirmed by my cousin although she said that Debbie was ‘always’ in trouble. Cuz was several years older than Debbie and remembers her mostly for her tennis achievements. Nonetheless she threw me another character development nugget when she remembered that Debbie was frequently chucked out of the assembly hall, an offense which I have used, hopefully to good effect, in my stories.

In explaining her second ‘expulsion’ I was treated to some scant but remarkable revelations. Although her expulsion was actually a letter to her parents indicating that it would be preferable that she took her sixth form studies at an alternative school there is little doubt that she was theoretically sacked. This incident was the main reason for her parent’s decision to relocate to Canada, where she would as best as I can tell be embraced by the education system and she made no mention of her past troubles following her across the Atlantic Ocean.

The final nail in her coffin was so quintessentially British that it is almost laughable. Apparently she was ‘called out’ during morning assembly to be publicly scolded for having been spotted the previous evening in her boyfriend’s open-topped sports car (bad), compounding her offence by (1) having discarded her blazer and school hat, and (2) having her collar and tie undone (reprehensible) and finally (3) wearing sunglasses while wearing school uniform (a hanging offense). According to Debbie her humiliation was completed when, before dismissing her from the hall, the Headmistress publicly humiliated her by announcing that she was going to get six of the best. Debbie did not dwell on the details of the caning but she fed me several pieces of crucial character-development information. She remarked that she had only ever been ‘swished’ once before and had only got three strokes and that they had hurt much more than the slipper.

Her real bitterness seemed to result not so much from the caning but from the hours that led up to the punishment being administered. Apparently the school rules limited canings to three strokes without express permission of the parents. These were the days before any form of electronic communication gadgetry and the only means of speaking with her mother was by telephone. Like most women of that generation Mother was out shopping and couldn’t be contacted for several hours. Debbie’s biggest grievance was that in the interim she was forced to stand facing a wall outside the Headmistress’s study in a busy thoroughfare. For a sixteen year old this was an even more unbearable humiliation than being whapped on the bum with a cane.

According to Debbie her mother initially disagreed with the punishment but was forced to concede when an alternative fortnight suspension was proposed. Debbie was at a crucial stage of preparing for her ‘O’-levels and the suspension could have been disastrous. In conclusion Debbie was caned (all she said was it hurt terribly) and went onto pass fourteen ‘O’-levels, primarily with ‘A’s’.

I only saw Debbie a few times after that and the subject of corporal punishment never came up. However, many, many years later I would dine with Debbie and her mother and I received one last nugget. Debbie’s mother was laughing about me and her son’s childhood antics when she dropped a beautiful ingot, ‘but it was Debbie who always needed to be spanked’, she said in a manner only a mother can. Debbie was unfazed and laughed and said that she hadn’t turned out too badly and the conversation sadly moved on.

Nuggets, nuggets, nuggets … the seeds of character creation.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Soho, London, Circa 1972-1975

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Soho in the nineteen-seventies was a playground for the Young Turk R. Humphries. Even though I was theoretically still legally enrolled in grammar school I had long given up making even a modicum of a display of attending. I doubt that in the prevailing ‘Nanny-State’ culture I would successfully get away with this sort of behavior. Interestingly my parents never suspected that I was a permanent truant and the authorities didn’t seem to care as long as I turned up to play football for the school and performed in gym displays and athletics meets.

An interesting note about Mothers. I was well-over forty years old and was visiting London. My mother had recently attended a funeral of one of my former teachers. Apparently somewhere over the sherries the wife of the piece had informed my mother that ‘you do know that your son never attended school.’

We were sitting down at a rather expensive restaurant over-looking the Thames when my mother considered it appropriate to bring this subject up and berate me over this matter. Well you’ve just got to love them!

Anyway back to Soho. The original Janus shop was in Greens Lane, not far from Greens Park tube station and it was a veritable spanko’s Aladdin’s cave. Now despite my youth I had access to funds. I was something of a footballer and although I was too young to sign professional contracts I was able to earn considerable sums of money for my services. The status of amateur sports has always been rather nebulous and open to abuse. I was recruited by an amateur club run by several local businessmen. It was a successful team and I assume they made considerable amounts of dosh out of the venture. To pay us they merely placed a pencil on the floor of the changing rooms and bet us fifty quid we couldn’t jump over it. This was a veritable kings ransom to a London teenager in the seventies. Do the maths … I could have purchased a hundred copies of Janus a week!

Owners of spanking magazine stores are not much interested in ‘Not for the Sale of Minors’ restrictions, especially if said minor has adequate funds to support his vices. I was never once questioned regarding my age as I proceeded to secure a large collection of spanking material.

My quest was not limited to the Janus outlet. Berwick Street, Dean Street, and Greek Street were filled with street vendors all selling a variety of adult material. I pored through their treasures and became on first name terms with many of them. Underage drinking was enforced about as strongly as the underage porn laws so I often drank with them and made sure they set anything promising aside for my next foray.

I discovered magazines like Slant, which was really off the wall but had the best letters ever written. I had original copies of ‘Bend over Bunty’ and ‘the Caning of Christine’. Classics never since repeated.

Sadly this era of my life came to a sad end. I had my collection stashed in my wardrobe in my parent’s house. My parents were fairly liberal in many ways and knew better than to poke around in an adolescent’s bedroom. Sadly my Nan had no such compunctions regarding youthful privacy. For reasons I have long forgotten I was evicted from my room to sleep on the living room floor in a sleeping bag so Nan that could stay over. The following day I was confronted with my illicit contraband that she had discovered and despite my protestations these now priceless treasures were ceremonially burned by my mother.

You’ve got to love them! 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Early Awakenings

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

When I first determined that I was a spanko and decided to dedicate vast quantities of my waking hours to writing spanking fiction my sources were quite limited. The internet was almost two decades away.

As I have said I am a product of the last bastions of the caning generation so I did have a vast amount of real-life dramatic instances to draw upon. I would like to make a couple of observations that I think are relevant:

My personal predilection is limited to the disciplinary interaction of male on female, or female on female. However, the majority of the punishments that I witnessed in my schooldays involved the punishment of my male classmates. Even in post-war Britain the public punishment of my female classmates was limited to them being given the wooden ruler across the palms of their hands (which happened rather frequently). There were three very specific exceptions to this rule which I intend to recount in future postings.

However, even though the punishment of males does not ‘turn me on’ per se the settings and rituals they were carried out in were enough for my fervent imagination and I was able to translate them into the all-female environment of the Woody Back to School Unit.

As I entered my teen years I discovered that my interest might be esoteric but it was by no means unique. In those days Gentlemen’s magazines were quite popular. Presumably inspired by Hugh Hefner’s success with Playboy and Paul Raymond’s famous revue bar glossy rags like Mayfair and Park Lane could be purchased at the local newsagents, albeit from a top-shelf and always carried from the store in brown paper bags. I was too young to make these purchases but I did find my father’s stash while rooting around in his wardrobe looking for dropped coins to subsidize my pitiful pocket money.

Of course the Amazonian beauties on display in glorious color were exciting but rummaging through the magazines I came upon the correspondence pages. I was delighted to find a number of letters that dealt with the adult world of spanking. I still remember a letter from a house-wife recounting that she was particularly at danger when she was making the bed as her husband would pin her down and spank her across the seat of her house-coat with a carpet beater.

Like most of my generation I was expected to take part-time jobs after school and secured a paper round delivering the Evening Standard and Evening News. I often used to check the top shelf to see whether new additions of my dad’s magazines were available. One evening, to my astonishment I spotted a magazine simply called ‘Spanky’. I was mesmerized and immediately set about establishing a plan to secure this as my personal property. I shall not dwell upon the details of this mission lest to say I was successful.

This was a defining moment. A complete magazine dedicated to the fine art of spanking. Many of the stories were a little beyond me. They were often written in a quaint 1970′s sci-fi meets James Bond and the Man from UNCLE style that was all the rage at the time. Lots of leather-clad female Russian spies being bound to wooden contraptions and whipped and cropped for their secrets. I was not quite sure what to make of this. However, a six-page center spread was more to my taste. It featured several mature schoolgirls indulging in some serious hair-brush spanking. They were fully adorned with St Trinian’s style gymslips and fishnet stockings. They sported a variety of exotic bee-hives and other fashionable cuts, along with thickly applied mascara on long false lashes and bright-red bee-sting lips. I carefully extracted these pages and surreptitiously returned the magazine to the newsagents the next day. Tough luck on the poor punter who shelled out his hard-earneds for the remainder of the magazine. In the clandestine world of porn-purchase the sale and return opportunities are quite limited and it takes a stout hearted fellow to pitch up and throw a hissy fit about the absence of schoolgirl spanking pictures from his recent acquisition. My overdue apologies to the unfortunate purchaser.

Having discovered Spanky I had my eyes peeled and was soon nosing about all kinds of newsstands and other outlets. To my delight I discovered that Spanky was not a lonely light in the publication business, I found numerous other magazines dedicated to my burgeoning fixation. I spent hours plotting and conniving the skullduggery it involved to even getting a peak between the covers, let alone acquiring these trophies for private consumption but I was relentless.

Finally I came across the Holy Grail. I discovered Janus. The magazine was smaller in size than the current version. It did not feature a glossy cover and advertised itself as ‘A Journal for the Modern Discerning Adult’. It sold for the princely sum of fifty English pence.

Having secured my first copy I was immediately introduced to a hitherto unexplored world. Soho, London, 1970’s.

More of this later.

        

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

Welcome to Woody World

Greetings

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.

I have been writing spanking stories for over thirty-five years. Some years ago my wife Jojo suggested that I should compile all these stories and parts of stories into a single saga. Neither of us expected that this would take me nearly a decade and result in forty reasonably sized books.

The theme I decided upon was a government institution called the Woody Back to School Unit where ‘Extreme Ladettes’ are dispatched for a period of Extreme Social Rehabilitation which is sensibly achieved by the implementation of a regime of corporal punishment. My goal has been to create an imaginative world peopled with a believable and consistent cast and set the stories in familiar surroundings within which the readers will become comfortable.

Many, many years ago I set many of my stories in a fictional school called the Woodland School for Gals. Some of these were written in collaboration with an old friend Nicola Jane (aka Nixdown). It still amuses me that some of these original stories found their way onto the internet and I continue to run across them sometimes (always without permission or acknowledgement.. but what the hell). Nix was charmingly liberal about sharing my/our work with our many friends from the spanking chat-rooms that emerged during the late nineteen-nineties.

I have finally nearly completed my mission and have decided to take the risk of self-publishing my spanking saga. I intend to publish the first chapters of each volume in the Woodette Publication area of the blog and although technology is presently defeating me I shall persevere.

The full collection of books will shortly be available at www.lulu.com, www.amazon.com, and www.barnesandnoble.com as finances permit.

The purpose of my blog-site is to have an outlet to post my general musings, memories (all names altered to protect the innocent, although not one of the people I mention was in the least bit innocent) and ramblings about the spanking world at large. Also, in the event that I am fortunate to find readers of my works I will use it to answer questions relating to some of the backgrounds of the events and characters I have written about.

Although I have a comprehensive collection of spanking pictures I feel that the community is already well-served in this area and do not intend to use this as an image site, (although I will happily share private copies of my favorite pictures, most of which I have edited from the originals, with dear friends).

I have only recently discovered many of the ‘spanking blogs’ that are posted. I am fascinated by the diversity of the spectrum of themes, tastes and interests that come together to form the greater ‘spanking community’ and I applaud all your pioneering, intelligent, amusing and dedicated efforts.

I am especially grateful to several bloggers (or not bloggers) who have inspired me. The ever-amusing and opinionated Niki Flynn, Adele Haze and Pandora Blake. The extremely articulate and erudite cunning linguists, Abel and Haron. The prolific and brilliant Richard Windsor, whom I suspect was exploring the Janus book store in London at around the same time as me. And no shout-out would be complete without including a round of applause to the assiduous Chross resources.

Greetings and Bottoms Up

R. Humphries and Jojo

 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.