The Curious Case of Debs Disgrace and the Collar and Tie Protocols

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first full volume is now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront!

I don’t know whether it is common to other countries but in Britain enormous importance was placed on the ritual of morning assembly. The entire population of the school was required to attend and listen to boring announcements. The only announcement of any interest was the list of pupils required to visit the Headmasters study “immediately after assembly”. Although on rare occasions this might be for administrative purposes it was generally the rogue’s gallery of pupils needing to be beaten.

The rules regarding ‘ingress’ and ‘egress’ (how quaintly British) dictated absolute silence in the hall. This rule was strictly imposed by the prefects and anybody who goofed, gabbed, larked or pranked was sent to stand at the front. This delinquent behavior was rewarded with a mandatory caning and a lecture about how it was not too much to expect for us to spend a short time each morning in silent contemplation.

After my old friend Debbie had recalled her trials and tribulations at school (see Conversations with Debbie and the Vanilla Nuggets) I subtly tried to coerce further information about her from my cousin who had attended the same school. Mainly my cousin remembered her for her tennis ability (Debbie was county champion and nationally ranked) but added that Debbie was by far the naughtiest girl in the school and was always being chucked out of assembly.

I was unable to ascertain the consequences of her getting chucked out and I doubt that it attracted punishments of the severity practiced at my own school. However, this nugget of information would inspire a story thread that recurs throughout the Woody Back to School unit stories.

In the Woody stories Debs Morton holds the units record for being ejected from the assembly hall. Debs suffers from compulsive, impulsive behavior syndrome and finds the tedium of sitting quietly in the hall waiting for the Brass to arrive to be a challenge. She regularly indulges in mindless activities involving annoying the other gals by poking and prodding them or tapping the underside of their canvas seats with her foot. It is dangerous duty and if she is spotted by the prefects she is shown a red card and instructed to ‘step up’.

Jojo came up with the suggestion that the Brass and Elite should carry red cards after watching the European Championships for the first time. I concurred that it would add additional spice to the chucking out ritual and introduced a yellow card/red card system into the life of the Woody Gals.

Having personally suffered an ejection from the hall at school I can remember having to struggle past my seated classmates and make my way down the central aisle and take up position beside the double doors. For the next few minutes I was aware that I was the focus of attention of over six hundred bored pairs of eyes. Of course bravado and feigning nonchalance was the order of the day but it was actually quite a disquieting feeling.

The regular Brass arrived first and some of the more prudish and unpleasant Masters would find it necessary (in my opinion unnecessary) to stop and make snide observations. When the Headmaster arrived, his black gown billowing, he would instruct you to “cut along to my study,” ominously adding that he would “be along to beat you shortly”. These rituals fascinated me and having learned of Debbie’s predilection for misbehaving during assembly it became a character trait central to Debs Morton’s character.

At Woodys one of the central characters is the mean-spirited and evil Dame named Patty Hodge. Patty is the Commandant of a small group of Dames known as the Radical Right who are intent on making life miserable for the inmates. Of course when she finds a hapless gal standing at the front of the hall she takes the opportunity to add to her discomfort by stopping to make predictions regarding the future of the luckless gals bumbags.

Deborah is particularly at risk from Patty. Debs is notorious for her laxity regarding obeying the strict collar and tie protocols. As usual this thread has its source in my own experiences.

We were constantly at war with the Masters regarding out neckwear. At the time button-down collared Ben Sherman and Brutus shirts were all the rage. Anybody with an ounce of fashion sense knows that they are designed to be worn with the top button unfastened and the knot of the tie rakishly loosened (anybody ever see Frankie Sin with his collar fastened?). Unfortunately the Masters were not of a fashionable inclination and regarded our chosen look to be slovenly and we were forever being instructed to button up.

My school was certainly not alone in this respect. At my girlfriend’s school, which did not practice corporal punishment, an unfastened top button attracted a twenty-five pence fine.

At the Woody Back to School unit collar and tie abuse is a zero-tolerance protocol and failure to comply is rewarded with a mandatory six of the best.

On numerous occasions Debs compounds her troubles by being sent to stand up at the front of the hall with her collar unfastened. This gives Patty the golden opportunity to reach theatrically into her jacket and produce a second red card, loudly announcing for Debs to make herself an appointment for a slippering from Katie Beck for collar and tie abuse.

In Volume 1 - Whops and Clobber Debs suffers a giddying fall from grace from her role as golden gal, which is caused by her failure to comply with the collar and tie protocols. At the time the inmates have just returned from summer furlough and Deborah has started Phase Five of her seven year sentence.

Deborah is shocked when she is unexpectedly publicly harangued by Ms Lawton, the residing principal, and evicted from the hall for collar and tie abuse. Now over halfway through her social rehabilitation program Debs is considered to be a senior inmate. There had always been an unwritten protocol that the more senior members of the community would be treated with slightly more decorum and one such privilege was that they were generally not unceremoniously chucked out of the hall.

Debs is furious at what she perceives as inappropriate treatment and behaves badly. She refuses to take up the time-honored position of ‘nose and toes’ outside the Grand Dames office and acts in a most belligerent manner. As a result she first suffers the indignity of being turned over Ms Lawton’s knee and soundly spanked. She is then subjected to six of the best for her initial collar and tie abuse which is followed by a second six for her belligerent behavior.

Debs is by now apoplectic and plans to get revenge for her spanking and the double bare bender. It all goes pear-shaped in a heartbeat. She smuggles a pony into the chemistry laboratory and the unfortunate animal panics and causes considerable damage. Deborah is forced to fess up to being the culprit and is publicly flogged for her trouble.

Unbeknownst to the Woody Gals Ms Lawton has spent the summer wrestling with how to respond to the ever-increasing rise of mega-minxdom amongst the inmates. She had pored over the rules, regulations and protocols and made changes that would become known amongst the Woody Wags as the ‘radical revisions’. Deborah’s disastrous behavior finally provokes the Grand Dame to institute the radical revisions and to implement an austere regime code-named ‘Operation Scorched Arse’. Debs Morton is declared Public Enemy Number One and is targeted as a hostile and treated with extreme prejudice.

The first four books of the saga deal comprehensively with the year of Operation Scorched Arse and chronicles the last days of Lawton era when the corridors of the facility are constantly filled with the echoes of the sounds of canes, straps and slippers rebounding from tautened navy blue gossamer bumbags. 

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.