A Very Naughty Gal and A Very Bad Gal

Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page and I am delighted to announce that the first two full volumes are now available for purchase at the brand, spanking new Woodettes Storefront! Electronically downloading is the cheapest and quickest means of getting to read hundreds of pages of spanking good fun!

“I’m a very naughty gal but I’m not a bad gal,” claims Lisa Sutton, an inmate of the Woody Back to School Unit.

In the Woody stories Lisa is a good-natured and scholarly cove who just happens to suffer from the unfortunate affliction of perennial naughtiness; a character trait that does not bode well for her bumbags.

Prior to her transfer to the Woody facility Lisa was minding her own business and serving out a two year sentence at the low security Radcliffe Back to School Unit for Misdemeanor Ladetting when she is wrongly accused of writing applications for her fellow inmates to enroll in universities as mature students upon completion of their custodial sentences.

When she denies the charge the Principal of the unit procures a cane and gives Lisa three strokes across her left hand. The innocent Lisa is justly outraged and files a complaint with her Court Appointed Guardian. To her astonishment Dark Agents of the covert government agency known only as the System swoop down and she is carted away in handcuffs to a haberdashery where she is fitted out for Woody Clobber.

She quickly learns a painful lesson about her new environment when, on only her second day at the unit, she is required to bend over her bed and treated to six of the best by the Dorm Raider.

Lisa immortalizes the moment with her observation that, “three strokes across the left hand hardly prepares you for six hot ones across the seat of thin pajamas”.

Unfortunately for Lisa she is just one of life’s hapless individuals who can’t put a foot out of place without the Brass and the Elite being all over her like badly fitted clobber. She quickly finds her navy blues bumbags besieged by an array of canes, straps and slippers. After an unfortunate incident where she climbs over the compound wall to avoid getting six of the best for cutting curfew and inadvertently stomps all over Ms Lawton’s prized seedlings she is designated as Public Enemy Number One. At the behest of the principal she is targeted as an Extreme Hostile and begins to acquire whops at a record-breaking pace.

Unlike many of the mega-minxes who boldly risk their bumbags to maintain their prestigious rankings amongst the upper echelons of the Bottoms Up Table of Troublemakers Lisa has no such lofty aspirations. She constantly regales anyone who will listen with her plans to reform. Of course her efforts at reform are a total failure causing her to constantly lament that, “I’m a very naughty gal but I’m not a bad gal”.

By contrast her best chum, Bernadette Summers (aka the Bounder) revels in her reputation as the facilities Bad Gal. She smokes like a trooper, drinks like a fish and runs the units gambling syndicate. She operates an underground network supplying contraband to the inmates which causes her to be surly and secretive. She claims to have been caned in Cairo, slippered in Singapore and whacked in Washington but contemptuously remarks that, “they can’t hurt me because I’m the Bounder”.

The character of Bernadette is based on a young lady who once worked for me in the capacity of administration assistant (known as my secretary back in the day of political incorrectness), a role she was amply unqualified to perform. She was fastidiously unpunctual, slothful, often quite rude, and spent most of the brief working day that she bothered to turn up for in the pub drinking vast quantities of vodka and lime. That might make her sound rather obnoxious but in fact she was actually totally charming in a wily manner and was an unbelievably fast and accurate typist when she put her mind to it. She was not merely tolerated but widely adored.

She was extremely well-educated and like the Bernadette of my stories her father was a Sri-Lankan (Ceylonese at the time) diplomat and a well-known fraudster. Due to the complexities of diplomatic immunity he did not actually go to prison but he was forced to flee the country barely one foot ahead of the posse.

On the infrequent occasions that she deigned to bless us with her presence she generally had hookey goods for sale, courtesy of her reprobate of a brother, which had generally, as they say in the old country, fallen off the back of a lorry.

I would love to report that R Humphries was allowed the opportunity to turn her over his knee and spank a more suitable work ethic into her, but sadly not. Even in nineteen-eighties liberal London spanking your secretary was generally frowned upon. This was of course a shamefully narrow-minded view of correct office conduct in my opinion, doubtless perpetrated by the ogres of Human Resources, because if ever a gal was born needing a regular spanking it was this young lady. Oh well! Opportunities lost are the bane of the spanking classes, but she was a beautiful inspiration for a spanking writer.

Bernadette Summers gets her nickname of ‘the Bounder’ from a Frank Richards character from his Greyfriars stories, Herbert Vernon-Smith. Like ‘Smithy’ my assistant was an inveterate gambler with a fondness for betting on the gee-gee’s. By all accounts (mostly her own) she was quite successful so she seemed ideally suited to inherit the moniker.

The character of my stories, Bernadette, is as tough as nails and prides herself that she can take the soundest of whoppings without a wriggle or a squirm. When she confronts her disciplinarian in the aftermath she always curls her upper lip and treats them to her signature contemptuous sneer as she shrugs back on her blazer.

Bernadette also shares another trait with her literary namesake, that beneath her glowering veneer she has a heart of gold and many of the weaker inmates at the facility have been grateful to her after she has fearlessly intervened when they are being bullied by the more unsavory elements of the community.

When the Bounder takes the stand during the Snobs and Rotters Tribunal she describes herself as a rough diamond. Debs Morton, acting as counsel for Woodys corrects her and describes her as a ruby in the dust.

Bernadette and Lisa are two of my favorite characters so I hope that you enjoy them as you continue to purchase my books, which will allow me to continue publishing … thanks for dropping by … Bottoms Up … R.

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.