French Spanking; Six du meilleur

R Humphries has always been a bit of a duffer at French but that doesn’t stop me from admiring Laurent’s work over at Le journal de la fessée (The Newspaper of Spanking if I’m not mistaken). There are plenty of videos, pictures and drawings to peruse and if you click the button in the top right hand corner you can even get a translation (not perfect but it supplies the general gist).

The Dame charged with teaching the inmates French at the Woody Back to School Unit is Mdme Diderot. Diderot you might remember was a free-thinking French philosopher and prominent figure during the Enlightenment. In contrast Mdme Diderot is a cranky cove and unlike her namesake she is singularly unenlightened.

In the extract below taken from, the soon to be published, Volume 7 – And Then He Kissed Her, Mdme Diderot demonstrates her lack of humor with regard to witty observations related to French culture on the squirming bumbags of Miss Lisa Sutton. Lisa, aka as the Minxster in the books, is a prominent character in the saga, who has an unfortunate reputation for perennial naughtiness.

Lisa’s character is loosely based on a young lady that I met through my old chum Nixdown. She was a cheerful and rambunctious cove and had a keen interest in spanking. She had an interesting back-story in so far as she is the only person I have ever met who discovered her inner spankette as a result of NOT getting the cane.

She confessed that she had been an unruly pupil at school and greatly amused me when she told me that she had spent a significant portion of her education standing in the corner. It was a tribute to her high intelligence that she went on to obtain an honors degree at a very reputable university.

One day, while still at school, she played truant with several boys. They were unfortunately caught and in her words ‘marched back to school and straight upstairs to the Headmaster’s office’. After a tedious lecture the miscreants were sent to stand in the corridor. The boys were called in one by one to be beaten. She was left until last and she was convinced that the Deputy Headmistress would be summoned to give her a caning. She recalled being very scared because she had never been caned before.

However, when her turn came to go into the study, it transpired that the boys had done the chivalrous thing and shouldered the full blame. Somehow they had persuaded the Headmaster that they had led her astray. After another unpleasant scolding she was told that she would be spared the cane and that she would be placed in detention for a week as an alternative. She told me that the cane was still lying on the desk throughout the interview and that she couldn’t take her eyes off it.

She told me that at university she had dabbled in a little hanky-spanky with several boyfriends but their efforts were generally half-hearted and had not proved as stimulating as she had expected. It wasn’t until she returned to London and met Nixdown that she fully embraced the scene.

She was an extremely liberated and experimental soul. While she was seeking full-time employment she even worked briefly at the delightful London spanking restaurant ‘School Dinners’, which, by the way, is a must visit venue for any Spanko’s who happen to be passing through the city. She often came to our local bar straight from her shift, still dressed in her St Trinian’s costume beneath her overcoat, which of course delighted RH. Sadly she quickly found a ‘proper’ job which put an end to that particular source of kinky pleasure.

I only knew her for a relatively brief time but she was beguilingly open and frank about her predilections and provided me with a shed load of inspirations to create the character of Lisa Sutton. I hope that you enjoy this extract.

Lisa Sutton was in no doubt that whops were about to come her way. She was eyeball to eyeball with Mdme Diderot, gasping for breath as the French Dame yanked her forward by the knot of her tie. Mdme was a fickle broad and was severely challenged in the humor department, particularly when it came to wise-cracks about her countrymen.

As soon as she opened her mouth Lisa realized that quoting Mark Twain’s observation that, “France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes,” might not have been well-received. Mdme Diderot had snatched up her cane.

She scrambled out of her seat and was about to bend herself over her desk when Mdme’s long bony arm reached out and grabbed her by the tie. Lisa had been desperately trying to avoid having to experience what the Woody Wags referred to as the ‘French Yank’.

In her youth Mdme Diderot had been considered something of a beauty. She had danced barefoot in nightclubs around the Algerian Quarter and developed a taste for Gaulloises and absinthe. She was married briefly to a refined nobleman but divorced him when he declined her invitations to handcuff him to their bed so that she could beat him with her favorite six tailed martinet. She returned to the Algerian Quarter where she found the North Africans far more amenable to her desires to mete out punition corporelle.

Corporal punishment had been officially abolished within the French school system in 1881 but many of the finer institutes circumnavigated the abolition by employing independent martinets to discipline delinquent pupils in private salons.

Mdme Diderot supplemented her generous alimony payments by establishing an agency of disciplinarians who were commissioned to fouetté over a thousand miscreants a year. It was lucrative work until one of her employees became over-zealous and Mdme was forced to close the agency down and have it on her toes with some expediency to avoid a potential spell in chokey.

Taking advantage of her degree in French Literature she crossed the channel and secured a position at an exclusive boarding school where she was delighted to find corporal punishment was still strongly encouraged. Unfortunately her liking for absinthe caused friction with the governors and she was obliged to tender her resignation. For several years she used bogus credentials to secure new positions at prestigious boarding schools. A reference from a dead French President praising her tutorial work with a fictitious daughter was particularly impressive. Nonetheless her drunken antics generally caused her to have to slink away at the dead of night to avoid being sacked.

She ended up at Dartington Manor where she was befriended by Patty Hodge who had installed herself as the Mistress of Discipline. Patty took a shine to the Parisian and would occasionally allow her to participate in her thrashing duties. Mdme Diderot had caned the backsides of both Cathryn and Cassandra Cassidy long before they were sentenced to Woodys.

When Patty was appointed Deputy Grand Dame at the Back to School unit she immediately handed Ms Lawton a copy of Mdme Diderot’s resume, supported by the usual stack of bogus credentials. Mdme was amongst the first recruits to the new Brass.

Sensibly Patty prevailed on her chum to cut back on the absinthe, particularly during the working day. It transpired that she was a natural and gifted educator. She was genuinely passionate about both the French language and her knowledge of French literature was staggering. Many of the inmates who had spoken passable French when they had started their sentences now spoke and wrote fluently. Her lectures and tutorials were generally quite popular.

However, as she was demonstrating to Lisa Sutton she could be a crabby cove. Her habit of yanking the inmates from their seats by the knot of their ties and then reeling them in across their desks was particularly unpopular. The face to face confrontations were extremely unpleasant. The Woody Wags speculated that she had secured a supply of absinthe flavored tooth-paste, her breath reeked of Gaulloises and her choice of perfume appeared to be largely influenced by the working girls on the la Rue Saint-Denis.

Once riled her sophisticated university educated accent gave way to guttural, Parisian slang. Even Lisa who was extremely fluent in French had difficulty deciphering much of Mdme’s diatribe, although she did not require any assistance translating the Dame’s persistent references to six du meilleur.

Mdme Diderot was slowly circling Lisa’s desk. She still had a tight hold on her victim’s tie and kept their faces only inches apart. Once she reached the far side of the desk she suddenly released her grip on Lisa’s tie, grabbed her by the back of the neck and unceremoniously slammed her chest down across the lid. Still holding Lisa down by the neck Mdme yanked back her skirt and sliced the cane downwards.

The Woody gals found being held down across the desk extremely undignified. However, Lisa had no time to voice her objections before her bumbags were under fire.

Unlike the other members of the Brass, Mdme had no time for meticulous set-ups. She was the only member of the Brass who did not require her victims to remove their blazers, took no practice swings and the only separation between the strokes was the time it took her to bring her arm back.

Surprisingly, her canings were remarkably effective. Lisa’s feet were stamping on the floor and her buttocks squirming wildly. Despite the speed of delivery the strokes landed safely in the sweet spot in very close proximity of each other. There was no time for the stripes to settle down, within the space of thirty seconds Lisa’s backside had been turned into a ball of fire.

She snatched back at the seat of her skirt and only barely managed to stop herself from publicly rubbing.

“Follow me,” Mdme Diderot growled and stalked back towards the front of the lecture room.

If you liked the extract go to the Woodettes Storefront and BUY THE BOOK’s! You will not be disappointed! Lol! Bottoms Up! Thanks for stopping by … RH

Don’t Forget – Free Chapters of the Woody Back to School Unit spanking saga are available at the Woodettes Publications Page.