Jojo gets a lesson in Aero-dynamics and Cat gives a Second Opinion

Thanks to everybody who has hung in here and been rummaging about the site while RH has been lost in business hell. I’ve noticed a lot of guests have been rummaging through some of the older posts and are hopefully getting to know the characters a little better and picking up on the story-lines. Of course if you popped over to the Woodettes Publications Page and bought the books you could read the stories in their full chronological glory!

Today’s extract is from Volume 5 – A New Regime and features My Beloved Jojo and Cat Cassidy getting an invaluable lesson in aero-dynamics.

This weekend we have a special two-part toon planned so mark your calendars … in the meantime … kick-back and enjoy this extract … Bottoms Up! … RH

Life for the mega-minxes had taken a turn for the better. Mr Humphries seemed passionately dedicated both to the facility and the best interests of the inmates. Ms Lawton had always encouraged the gals to participate in extra curricula activities but the programs had often seemed staid and archaic. Ms Lawton had opposed the gal’s access to the Internet in any form and had banned them from having cellular phones.

The new Grand Master had ripped out the antiquated computer server that had been in use at the facility for the past ten years, replacing it with a super-fast fiber optic system that had wireless connectivity to the gal’s laptops and work stations. He issued the Elite gals cell phones so that they could remain connected as they patrolled the facility and any gal who went into town was given access to a phone so she could call in an emergency. He handed out pda’s to all eighty-four inmates and allowed monitored Internet access to the whole unit. He espoused web-based learning and encouraged the gals to set up chat rooms and bulletin boards to swap ideas and information about common interests. Every gal had a homepage that was accessible via the GalGab intranet where she was allowed to post whatever she pleased within pre-set guidelines. He advocated self-sufficiency for the unit and instead of hiring high cost IT consultants he assigned the facilities keenest technocrat, Nicola Jane Nixon, to ensure the smooth running of the system.

He announced plans for weekly guest speakers and performers to visit the facility, ranging from lecturers and motivational speakers, to classical, jazz and rock musicians, poets and authors.

He organized forums where the inmates could bring ideas for in-house projects and he helped facilitate their incubation.

He encouraged the inmates to be more self-sufficient. He fired the outside catering staff and made Cassie Cassy Director of Culinary Services with a healthy budget. Every day she would be allocated a kitchen staff from amongst the inmates to provide exciting and nutritious fare to the dining hall.

He gave them carte blanche to make proposals for redecoration. He assigned Jojo the role of head of creative design with Lisa Sutton acting as her assistant.

The Grand Master slowly and painstakingly set about winning the inmate’s confidence and ensuring that there wouldn’t be any hiccoughs in their social rehabilitation.

The high jinx of the mega-minxes didn’t seem to disturb the Grand Master in the least. In fact they amused him greatly and he treated them indulgently, even when he was disciplining them.

The Grand Master was especially fond of Joanna Heyworth. Jojo had been one of the first gals to embrace his project forum concept and had already proposed a series of short plays she wanted to produce and had opened a master-class program in faux finishes and trompe l’oeil. He found her cheerful and earnest, clever and witty, and very, very naughty all at the same time.

Mr Humphries smiled at Jojo as she stood before him doing a woefully poor caricature of contrition as she explained why she had been called upon to visit him for fourth time in the space of three weeks. He rather fancied that the Dame who had chucked her out of the lecture room’s version of events might differ slightly from Jojo’s. Nonetheless he listened with patient amusement.

“So Heyworth, let me make sure I understand this,” he said finally. “The reason that you happened to take your ruler and use it to project a missile across the lecture room was just for research?”

“Well it wasn’t a missile sir,” she corrected him. “It was an artistic interpretation of a biplane. We had been discussing aero dynamics and I was just making sure I had things straight.”

“Aero dynamics huh?” asked the Grand Master.

“Yes sir,” confirmed Jojo.

“Well I think I have just the thing to show you the true physics of aero dynamics,” he said standing up. Jojo bit her lip. She didn’t like the sound of that. She watched nervously as he crossed to the tallboy.

Mr Humphries was anything but conventional. Mr Humphries had a veritable armory in the tallboy. Along with his selection of senior canes, gals returned from his study with tales of straps and slippers. Jojo gasped as he produced from the cupboard, a wooden paddle with holes drilled along its shaft. Jojo had read about American gals getting paddled and that the holes increased the aero dynamism producing a blistering effect.

“Oh good grief,” she muttered.

Jojo lay prostrate across the desk, her bumbags lowered to her ankles and her skirt turned back. Behind her Mr Humphries had laid the shiny wooden paddle across her naked bottom. Joanna stretched her arms out until they dangled over the edge of the desk and prepared herself for the onslaught.

Mr Humphries’s physics lesson was comprehensive. Joanna was relieved that she was bent across the heavy desk. The paddle was heavier than the cane and its weight seemed to push her forward when it made its juicy contact. As it pulled back the holes seemed to suck her skin in and pop it out again in a single momentary action.

Jojo figured that the next few minutes were going to be extremely hot and sweaty.

Mr Humphries was pleased with the new paddle. He had spotted it in a store that specialized in such commodities and had immediately recognized its potential for enhancing his artillery. It had a round wooden handle that had been neatly wrapped in calf leather. The twelve-inch wooden shaft had been drilled with holes that had been carefully sanded to avoid inflicting unnecessary damage. The wood had been oiled and polished with a dark stain.

Nonetheless despite its aesthetic beauty it was a weapon that needed to be applied judiciously and with dexterity.

He hardly raised his arm at all; using a sharp flick of the wrist and relying on the ingenious device to do exactly what it was designed for. The results were encouraging. At each sharp crack of wood against flesh Jojo’s left leg involuntarily crooked at the knee.

This was Jojo’s fourth visit to his office in less than three weeks. On the first two occasions he had given her conventional canings and on her third visit he had put her across his knee and tried out a two-tailed tawse he had recently acquired. He had admired the resilience she had shown on each occasion. However, from her agitated reaction he concluded that the new paddle was giving her considerable gyp.

Joanna smoothed down her skirt and straightened her tie. Her backside was roasting. The drilled wooden paddle was a formidable adversary even for the whop-hardened reigning Big BUTT.

Mr Humphries was grinning cheerfully, “Well I expect that was quite warm,” he chuckled.

“Yes sir, just a tad, thank you very much,” said Jojo sniffilly.

“Well perhaps you’ll behave yourself a bit better in the future?” the Grand Master laughed. “Although, somehow, I very much doubt it.”

“You never know sir,” grinned Jojo, “I might just surprise you.”

“Perhaps you’d better,” he grinned, “because you are now officially code red.”

He turned the computer screen so that Jojo could see. At the top of the screen the punishment number field showed ‘179’.

“Oh great,” grumbled Jojo.

The Grand Master had a habit of engaging the gals in informal conversation during post-processing. He appeared impervious to the fact that her bottom was currently hot enough to roast crumpets on and all she really wanted to do was flap her skirt and dance an idiot gig.

Despite the state of the art technology Mr Humphries had introduced post-processing actually took longer than before. The punishment was first typed into the database for publication on the GalGab web-site, and then it was entered into the punishment record book that the inmates carried in the breast pockets of their blazer pockets at all times. He had considered automating the process and beaming the information directly to their pda’s but he liked the little PRB’s so he maintained the manual process. Finally the punishment was recorded in the huge leather bound ledger, embossed in gold with the Woody shield and calligraphied with the words Punishment Record Book.

He was damned if he was getting rid of the ledger, electronic age or not. The ledger contained records dating back over a hundred and fifty years and on careful inspection revealed the nefarious pasts of such Woody luminaries as Susan Lawton, Patty Hodge, Ma Brooks and Ma Morton.

He chatted idly with Jojo while he typed and wrote. Asking her how her draft of the play was progressing and enquiring about the prospects of the riding team at an upcoming horse trial event. Jojo did her best to concentrate and answer intelligently. Her bottom was blazing beneath her bumbags and she felt vaguely disorientated. Finally he slammed the ledger shut, screwed on the top of his fountain pen and asked her if she fancied a drink.

“Pardon me?” gasped Jojo.

“A drink,” smiled the Grand Master. “You do drink don’t you? I understand that the Bounder keeps a rather large inventory of wines and spirits that I’m sure you avail of liberally. How does a glass of bubbles sound?”

Jojo gaped at the Grand Master. “That would be nice,” she spluttered.

The Grand Master smiled and crossed to the drinks cabinet.

Jojo was a tad lit and was giggling at the Grand Master. Despite the ferocious burning in her bumbags she was having a jolly time. The Grand Master was relaxed and friendly and seemed to have forgotten that less than an hour ago he had been flailing the skin off her butt with a lethal paddle. Mr Humphries had just opened a second bottle of bubbly when a tap on the door interrupted them.

“Come in,” boomed the Grand Master.

The handle of the door turned and the door swung slowly open. Cathryn Cassidy stepped into the room. She was dressed in an extremely short gymslip and high heels. She wore a boater on her head at a jaunty angle.

Cathryn smiled enigmatically. “Excuse me for intruding Grand Master,” she said in an unconcerned drawl, “but I’m here to be caned.”

Cat Cassidy was a Woody legend. She had been amongst the first of the Celebrity Ladettes singled out by the Dark Agents of the System to be sent to the Big House.

Cat was the elder daughter of Chris and Caroline Cassidy. The Cassidy’s were popular gossip column fodder. Chris was a music mogul, generally credited with reviving the British jazz scene. His wife, Caroline, was a former super-model who had been once listed amongst the five most beautiful women in the world. The manor house they owned on a sprawling estate was the venue for some of the most exclusive social events of the year. Cat was brought up in a world peopled by jazz musicians who wore dark glasses twenty-four-seven, beat writers and poets, and a multitude of artists, models and photographers.

During Cat’s days at the strict Dartington Manor school she had garnered a reputation as the epitome of cool. Her total disregard for the rules earned her a school record for being caned. At weekends she was a prominent feature on the burgeoning Ladette party scene.

After leaving school she split her time between working at her father’s recording studio, learning the ropes of the business she would one day inherit and studying International Business Law at university. She was regularly photographed dancing late into the night at exclusive night clubs. Tall, dark and beautiful Cathryn Cassidy was the papparazzi’s dream. Unfortunately for Cat she was also the System’s dream.

The Dark Agents followed her everywhere, looking for opportunities. When none were forthcoming they manufactured evidence and arrested her under the cover of night. Cathryn was charged with Extreme Ladetting and denied access to a defense counsel. In a closed hearing of the System she was sentenced to seven years at the Back to School unit without the possibility of parole.

Chris and Caroline were outraged and bank-rolled an anti-System and ‘Free Cat’ campaign. Within days they appeared to have won sympathy for the movement. However, the System was ready to strike back.

They effectively diverted the ‘Free Cat’ campaign with the high-profile arrests of the Butcher Twins. Patsy and Lindsey Butcher were sprinters who had been selected to represent the country at the forthcoming Olympics. It came to the attention of the Dark Agents that the Amazonian Rastafarian twins were partial to attending all night blues in Ladbroke Grove. It was a simple matter to set up a bust and Patsy and Lindsey were swept up in a drugs raid.

The morning papers castigated the twins and demanded stiff sentences despite there being no evidence of them having been in possession of narcotics. The Great Unwashed immediately turned their attention from Cat’s plight and brayed for the twin’s heads on a platter. Despite their innocence Patsy and Lindsey were sent to the Big House.

Once the twins had been dispatched the System announced yet another high-profile arrest. Penelope Ann Evans, captain of the Olympic equestrian team, was reported to have failed a routine drug test. The public were outraged, so despite Penny Ann’s defense counsel providing concrete evidence that the Systems sample did not come from the famed rider she was also sentenced to the Woody Back to School unit.

Cat’s best friend and fellow Ladette was Melanie White, the daughter of a prominent heart surgeon. Just for good measure the System arrested Melons and made an example of her too.

Chris and Caroline Cassidy continued to lobby for Cat’s release but they were swimming in treacle. The wily Dark Agents of the System had clearly won public support and the ‘Free Cat’ slogan had changed to an indifferent ‘Who’s Cat’ attitude amongst the Great Unwashed.

Cathryn Cassidy refused to be cowed by the harsh circumstances she found herself in and soon teamed up with old party friends from the Extreme Ladetting circuit and began to draft her influential treatise ‘The Manifesto of Mega-Minxdom’.

Cathryn Cassidy was no longer officially an inmate of the facility. She had completed her seven years and been released on probation. However, in top secret consultation with the Grand Master Cat and two of her chums, Melanie White and Penelope Ann Evans, had elected to stay at the facility and study for their degrees on-line.

For the most part the arrangement was attractive. Cat would remain in close proximity to her long-time lover, Mark, a successful local business-man. Penny Ann would remain eligible to ride on the unit’s highly-regarded equestrian team and could continue her affair with Nicola Jane. Melanie figured that it was better to stay and hang-out with her chums than to stay on a college campus where she would be years older than the rest of the students.

The initial round of talks went without controversy. The three Old Gals would be allowed to wear civilian clothes, would no longer be required to obtain passes to leave the compound and were granted a relaxed curfew. They would be given well-appointed apartments in a large house in a secluded section of the grounds. Although they had no official duties or title they would be issued with an ashplant and were entitled to thrash any gal they deemed to need thrashing. The Old Gals wouldn’t have prearranged curriculums, just informal tutorials and lectures to assist them as they studied for their degrees.

There only remained one unresolved item on the agenda; the protocols that needed to be put in place regarding the disciplining of Old Gals.

Penny Ann and Melanie designated Cat as their spokesperson to attend a meeting that would enter Woody lore as the ‘Old Gals Whops and Clobber Summit.’

Cat, Melons and Penny Ann had taken the pragmatic approach that some degree of seat-sniffing was inevitable. Cat was entrusted with the task of damage limitation.

Over several bottles of 1997 Louis Roederer Cristal, Cathryn and the Grand Master sat down to thrash out the new guiding protocols for Old Gal Discipline.

Cathryn negotiated hard on behalf of the Old Gals.

“I suppose it’s finally all just come down to whops and clobber,” drawled Cat, “the question is how many whops and how much clobber?”

It was late into the night before Cathryn finally signed her name at the bottom of the Old Gal’s Whops and Clobber Charter. According to the Charter, in principle, the Old Gals would be disciplined as if they were an extension of the Elite. Cat skillfully won a number of concessions.

After she screwed the top back on her fountain pen she picked up her glass.

“Bottom’s up,” she grinned.

The Grand Master extended his glass. “How much your bottom is up and how often is now down to you,” he smiled.

Cathryn winked and lit a cigarette.

The following day the three Old Gals went to lunch at a Woody-friendly wine bar in the nearby town to review the Charter.

“Some negotiator you turned out to be,” Melons teased Cathryn. “I’d rather hoped that my seat-sniffing days were behind me.”

“So spank me,” giggled Cat.

“Don’t tempt fate,” laughed Penny Ann, “me and Nix might just take you up on that offer.”

“Hey,” said Cat in mock indignation, “these were not just your average everyday peace talks in the Middle East, this was serious stuff! This was whops and clobber we were negotiating!”

Melanie and Penelope Ann laughed. They raised their glasses to Cathryn. “Bottoms up, sister,” they toasted, “you did good.”

After several bottles of chardonnay the three Old Gals repaired to a local haberdashery to be fitted for new sets of clobber.

“It’s just a precautionary measure,” Cat assured them as she sashayed around in a microscopically small gymslip. Penny Ann and Melons burst out laughing.

“Yeah, rock on, Cat,” hooted Melanie. “I’ll bet you’re back in clobber before the months out.”

Cat stuck her tongue out. “It might even be a whole lot sooner than that,” she said enigmatically.

The Grand Master offered Cat a pre-beating drink. Jojo was impressed when she calmly reached into her blazer pocket, extracted a cigarette, put it in the corner of her mouth and lit it with an expensive looking lighter. Jojo and Cat were fast friends and Joanna knew that her pal was the epitome of cool. But there were limits. The Old Gal winked at the Grand Master.

Mr Humphries smiled indulgently.

Politely Joanna stood up and made ready to leave.

“Oh don’t leave on my account Jojo,” Cathryn said nonchalantly. “Sit down and have another drink.”

Jojo looked uncertain but Mr Humphries was already pouring more bubbly.

Cathryn Cassidy sipped her drink and finished her cigarette. “Ready when you are, sir,” she drawled. “Where do you want me?”

The Grand Master went to the tallboy and retrieved the wooden paddle that he had tested out on Joanna. He showed it to Cat.

“I just gave this little critter her maiden voyage,” he told her. “Miss Heyworth seemed quite impressed but it’s always good to seek a second opinion. Why don’t you bend over the desk and let’s see what you think.”

Jojo watched as Cathryn slipped off her blazer and folded it neatly. She placed the jacket on a convenient sofa and then placed her straw boater on top of it. She approached the desk unhurriedly, stopping briefly to tie her long dark hair into a pony tail. She leaned forward and slid her upper torso across the surface of the desk until her arms were dangling over the far side. She raised her hips slightly to allow the Grand Master to turn back the hem of her gymslip and roll down her navy blue bumbags.

Joanna watched sympathetically as the Grand Master raised the paddle in the air and then brought it down with a resounding crack. The wooden paddle immediately transformed Cathryn’s right buttock into a hot, glowing sunset. Joanna resisted the temptation to reach back and rub her own throbbing behind.

Mr Humphries beat Cathryn Cassidy soundly. The wooden paddle smacked downwards on alternate cheeks making Cat wriggle and squirm. However, when she rose and rearranged her clobber she showed no signs of distress and smiled cheerfully when the Grand Master handed her a drink.

“So, how would you rate my new acquisition?” the Grand Master asked jovially.

Cat smiled. “You could have taken Jojo’s word for it sir. You really didn’t need a second opinion.”

Cathryn swallowed down her drink and picked up her blazer and boater. “I’ll be cutting along now, sir, if you don’t mind. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

The Grand Master nodded. “Enjoy,” he told the Old Gal.

Jojo accepted the Grand Masters offer of one last drink for the ditch. She was unable to ascertain the reason that Cathryn had been sent up to be punished, as she seemed to be communicating with the Grand Master telepathically. Jojo sipped her drink while the Grand Master replaced the wooden paddle in the tallboy.

The inmates of the Back to School unit were beginning to appreciate that Mr Humphries was as different as night and day to his predecessor. Ms Lawton had run the facility like a military stockade, maintaining discipline by introducing ever more stringent rules, regulations and protocols. Towards the end of her tenure she had become a distant and forbidding figure who was only seen during assembly or when an inmate was sent up to her office for whops.

By contrast Mr Humphries spent a lot of time circulating amongst the inmates and seemed genuinely interested in their opinions regarding the administration of the unit. As she sipped her drink Jojo was flattered that the Grand Master seemed so interested in her views regarding a variety of aspects of life at the Back to School unit. She was quite relaxed by the time she left his office.

Cathryn Cassidy unfastened the top button of her blouse and loosened her tie. She turned around raising her skirt and rolling down her bumbags so that she could study her scarlet bottom in the mirror.

She let out a low whistle, “Good grief,” she muttered.

She unfastened the buttons on the shoulders of her gymslip and stepped out of it. She reached into her wardrobe and pulled out a black leather mini skirt. She grinned to herself; at least in a short time her boyfriend, Mark would be soothing her burning orbs with the help of Rosemary Booker’s mystical balms.

If you are enjoyed the story and are having fun with the Toon Collection and the book-extracts and you have finished reading the complimentary Volume 1 – Whops and Clobber and still want to know more about the antics of the World’s greatest mega-mixes then cut along sharpish to the newly redesigned Woodettes Publication Page which gives direct access to the five volumes from the Woody Back to School Unit saga that are available for download for the very reasonable sum of $4.99 each. I have included a brief synopsis of the content of each book and of course I have kept the Free Preview Chapters available for your enjoyment.