Would you cane your Sister?

Today’s brand new toon poses the interesting question of what to do if you are required to cane your Sister?

Now that we have released five complete books and our readers are becoming more familiar with the wide array of characters that reside at the Woody Back to School Unit I thought it was opportune to diversify a little with this new toon. Although the Famous Four (Jojo, Debs, Nixdown and Rosemary) are the central characters throughout the saga the unit is populated by a wide and diverse range of personalities and over the coming weeks and months I shall start featuring a few of them in periodic toon’s.

The Cassidy Sisters, Cathryn and Cassandra are two of my personal favorites. The daughters of Christopher, a music mogul, and Caroline, a former super-model, they were brought up in a free-wheeling, bohemian household amongst jazz musicians, artists and writers … here are their stories … (for those of you who are only interested in the cartoon just hit ’Page Dn’ a couple of times and you’ll find it … but shame on you!).

Cat and Cassie were encouraged to be free-spirited and to experiment with the joys of life which they do with gay abandon. Caroline became skilled at calming neighbors, teachers and the occasional representative from the local constabulary when they beat a path to her front door to make complaints about the sister’s shenanigans.

Caroline enrolled her daughters at Dartington Manor, her own Alma Mater, where they would establish a unique family record. Apparently Caroline had been a bit of a gal in her own right as, according to the archives of the Ministry of Education, all three Cassidy’s rank amongst the ten most caned pupils in records dating back to the 1850’s. Cat Cassidy often affectionately describes Caroline as the ‘Original Mother of the Ladettes’.

Undoubtedly, Cat and Cassie did have something of an advantage in getting themselves whopped into the history books as during their enrollment at Dartington Manor Patricia Hodge, the future Deputy Grand Dame at the Woody facility, was employed as the Mistress of Discipline. The Cassidy sisters were her most regular visitors and she liberally worked-out her right arm and her infamous wye-tipped canes across their tautened bumbags.

To see Cat and Cassie out on the town together it would be hard to reconcile them as sisters. Cat inherited her father’s dark good looks and her chums josh her that she looks like she has been sent over from central casting for a movie that requires a gypsy dancer. In stark contrast Cassie is blessed with her mother’s large blue eyes, blonde hair and an enormous grin.

Cat is sophisticated, ultra-cool and laid-back. She was listening to Coltrane and reading Kerouac, Ginsberg and Burroughs when her classmates still had their noses stuffed into the Bunty and the tales of the Four Mary’s. Cassie is effervescent, exuberant and slightly harebrained. Even her closest chums acknowledge that she may well be certifiably barking. The only things she takes seriously are cooking and the pursuit of whops.

Cathryn Cassidy was considered the spokeswoman of the jeunesse dorée and was a prime target for the Dark Agents of the System. On her twentieth birthday she was arrested leaving a Ladette rave and was sentenced to seven years at the Big House without even being extended the courtesy of a hearing.

However, the Dark Agents had badly under-estimated Cat Cassidy’s public popularity and were greatly alarmed when the Great Unwashed began muttering anti-System sentiments around the bars and taverns of the Smoke. Cat’s wealthy and powerful chaps stoked the unrest by launching a ‘Free Cat’ Campaign.

Nonetheless, the Dark Agents had been rewarded with a substantial bounty for banging up Cat’s bumbags in chokey and were not in the business of handing out rebates. They responded to the subversive grumblings by launching the first ‘Purge of the Ladettes’, arresting several high-profile sports personalities and potential Olympians on entirely bogus charges. Corrupt government ministers gave bellicose anti-Ladette speeches in the House and the ever-fickle Great Unwashed began to change their tune.

The Dark Agents also caught a major break when the Department of Public Prosecution brokered a deal with Yvonne Godfrey, the notorious Deputy Commandant of the Confederacy of Yoofs. They dropped charges of racketeering, extortion, blackmail, and kidnapping in return for Yvonne pleading guilty to charges of Extreme Ladetting and accepting a sentence to serve seven years at the Woody Back to School Unit without the possibility of parole. She was sentenced alongside her cronies from the Confederacy; Janet ‘Mitch the Bitch’ Mitchell, Jackie ‘Ivan the Terrible’ Ivanhoe, Juliet ‘Spanker’ Spage, and Jayne ‘Undies’ Underley. These former stalwarts of the Yoof movement would later go on to form the most heinous Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers in the unit’s history.

Yvonne assumed that her reputation as the highest ranking female member of the nation’s most notorious criminal gang would garner considerable respect from the other inmates and that she would naturally assume a position of power and influence amongst the incarcerated Ladette community. She had not counted on Cathryn Cassidy.

Early in their sentences Cat demonstrated her contempt for Yvonne and her thugs. During the great purge the Dark Agents had arrested Cat’s best chum Melanie White who, over the years, had attracted considerable news space due to her gargantuan gazonkas. The rags that followed the Ladettes had dubbed her ‘Melons’. Following her arrest she was measured up for clobber and sent to join Cathryn at Woodys. One day Cat happened upon Melons surrounded by Yvonne and her cronies in the recreation area. The former Yoofs were already trying to extort the inmates into paying them protection money and Melanie’s affluent background made her a potential candidate for extortion. Despite her diminutive stature Melanie was not intimidated by the thugs but she was out-numbered and wouldn’t have had much chance if it had come down to a scrap.

The bullies were taken aback when Cat Cassidy marched into the fray, hacked Yvonne in the shins and poked her in the eye with a long fingernail. It was the first of many confrontations between Cat and Yvonne throughout the term of their seven-year sentences.

At Woodys Cat was also reacquainted with her old chum from the Ladette circuit, April Turner. April was already showing a flair for minxing and was rapidly getting herself whopped into the record books.

Far from being intimidated by her new life of whops and clobber Cat was determined to make life fun and bearable at the unit. She authored the subversive ‘Manifesto of Mega-minxdom’, and along with April and Melons formed the vanguard of the new subterranean Cult of the Mega-minxes.

Meanwhile, on the outside, her younger sister was also making headlines. Having won the prestigious ‘Young European Chef of the Year’ award she opened the celebrated restaurant ‘Cassie Cassy’s’. Despite the System’s cynical manipulation of the press and their condescending ‘Who’s Cat?’ campaign Cassie used her restaurant as a venue to host ‘Free Cat’ rallies.

In the midst of one of her star-studded gala’s a team of Dark Agent’s sneaked into the kitchens and seized Cassie and took her away in bracelets. Within hours she was being fitted for clobber and being transported to Woodys to be reunited with her sister.

In typical Cat style she ignored the Woody tradition of treating the newly imprisoned Little Brats as second class citizens that should be seen and not heard and embraced her sister. Many of Cat’s buddies had sampled Cassie’s extraordinary gastronomic fare at the annual New Years Eve balls hosted at Brompton Castle and joined Cat in their enthusiastic welcome to the new inmate.

Cassie’s arrival at Woody’s coincided with the halcyon days of the ‘Great Surge of Minxdom’. Cat, Melons and April had been joined by their old chum from the Ladette scene, Lady Victoria Brompton who had been sent to the unit after being arrested dancing naked in the fountains of Trafalgar Square on her twenty-first birthday. Claire Brooks, the last gal in history to be formally ‘Horsed and Birched’ had also enthusiastically joined them in the burgeoning cult. When Hurricane Jojo, the mercurial Debs, the promiscuous Nixdown and the enigmatic Rosemary arrive at the unit and join the Cult the level of mischief and mayhem escalated and an unprecedented state of pandemonium ensued.

Having been embraced by the cult’s elders Cassie Cassy was determined to make a name for herself. During her Brat-year she only barely failed to over-take Nixdown Nixon’s record as the ‘All-Time Most Spanked Brat’ but she did establish another record. After being inducted into the exclusive ‘Beaten Brat’ club she went on to accumulate three canings from the Grand Dame, Ms Lawton.

Cassie Cassy declared her intention of completing her sentence by stealing the legendary Jojo’s title of All-Time Big BUTT and went about the business of extreme goofing, larking and pranking with uncharacteristic seriousness.

During the final year of her sentence Cathryn is elevated to the Elite where she is charged with maintaining order at the unit when the inmates were not locked away in the lecture rooms. One day she is acting in the role of ‘Duty Monitor’ and receives word that an inmate has returned late from an excursion to town and has broken curfew. Cat is informed that the miscreant is upstairs outside the library waiting for a mandatory thrashing. She is alarmed to learn that it is her sister, Cassie Cassy, who needs to be whopped.

It was a tumultuous time in the history of the unit. Ms Lawton had responded to the minxing epidemic by launching the austere ‘Operation Scorched Arse’. Patty Hodge and Katie had deployed their puppets ‘The Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers’ to wreak carnage on the bumbags of the inmates. Cat and Melons were thorns in Patty’s side as they formed a resistance to thwart the heinous activities of the SS.

Patty constantly tried to undermine Cathryn’s popularity and influence amongst the community by constantly barraging Ms Lawton with complaints against her, making false accusations and demanding that she is stood down from the Elite.

As she approached the library Cathryn knew that if she cut her sister some slack she would be accused of dereliction of duty. Cat couldn’t give a tinker’s about being a prefect but she knew that if she was stripped of office her opportunity to protect the bumbags of the inmates will be significantly compromised.

She knew what she must do and these are the results … as usual my compliments to Our Man in Phuket, Dave Ell for the wonderfully vibrant illustration … its Saturday so pour yourself a cold glass of Boddingtons  and kick-back and enjoy … … Bottoms Up! … RH

 

 

Just the usual polite reminder that Woodettes Publications purchased these illustrations along with the copyright. I have no objection to other sites using them as long as they are accompanied by appropriate acknowledgment to the source.