Category Archives: Kitchen Utensils

Merry Xmas and some spanking good last minute stocking fillers

Happy Christmas From Jojo and RH 1Greetings old friends … Betimes the means that makes us strangers, or so said Willy the Shake … As we come up to the festive season I thought that I’d round off the year with a couple of shout-outs, some news and other minutia.

For those of you that are still looking for a few last minute stocking fillers here are a couple of great ideas … My good friends flopsy and Februs over at the Kilahara Library of Spanking Fiction have released seven brand new volumes of Christmas spanking stories … With a combined total of 222,500 words, there is probably something for everybody’s tastes amongst the collection … So I encourage you to cut along sharpish to LSF Publications Xmas Library and stuff your Christmas stockings with some of these last minute goodies.

Another equally enticing stocking-filler is the latest offering from Janus Worldwide who have published Encore Number 10 featuring 85 pages of full sized pictures (some hitherto never previously published) featuring the iconoclastic Nicola Redway and her equally beguiling partner-in-crime Priscilla Waters … the two young ladies appeared in two photo essays (Janus 23 and Janus 46) which are generally considered by genre aficionados as the finest adult schoolgirl spanking sets ever published … Be bold and treat yourself!!!

For the past year the WB2SU site has generally remained open as a repository for the collection of books and cartoons that make up the Woody Back to School Unit Saga … I would like to thank the many visitors who still stop by and rummage around the libraries and galleries … there’s lots to read and lots of original toons to view and its all ABSOLUTELY FREE and even better we keep the site COMMERCIAL FREE as well and that is how it will remain!!!

Before I close and return to a very fine Malbec that I am enjoying I’d just like to play tribute to a couple of sites that just manage to keep tirelessly contributing to the well-being and growth of the entire spanking community … Happy Christmas to Bonnie Burns at My Bottom Smarts , Hermione at Hermione’s Heart , D J Black at the Voice in the Corner , Valdor at The Spank Statement , Brushstrokes at The Spanking Spot , and, of course, finally to Mr Chross, enough said … Long may you all blog.

Of course no WB2SU round-up couldn’t include a shout-out to Our Man from Phuket, the legendary booze-hound and general Scouse Scallywag Dave Ell who I commissioned to draw the 100+ cartoons featured in the galleries and who I would HEARTILY endorse as a collaborator … This is one of my all time favorites and the full story surrounding Deborah’s unfortunate late night caning can be found in Library II in the volume aptly titled  A Bedtime Beating , which as usual is ABSOLUTELY FREE … Please have a very safe and enjoyable festive season … Bottoms Up … RH

Woody Toon 29

They’re Back!!! Brand New Woody Back to School Unit Book

Volume 42 -  CoverAfter nearly six months of being diverted by other projects and everyday life events I am pleased to announce that the Woody Gals are finally back in a brand new full-length yarn Volume 42 – The Final Flogging … As usual it features the latest adventures and misadventures of Debs Morton, Jojo Heyworth and the rest of the Woody Gang … Thrills, spills and the sounds of canes, straps and slippers rebounding off tautened navy blue gossamer bumbags abound … And you know what? … It’s ABSOLUTELY FREE just like everything else at the Woody Back to School Unit and what is even better we keep the whole site ABSOLUTELY COMMERCIAL FREE as well.

The new volume is also available for download in Library 1 from the main menu above and my personal favorite way for mobile viewing is on my iPad … just touch the pdf file anywhere towards the top of the screen and when the menu appears touch the icon in the top far right corner and it will ask you what browser you would like to open in (iBooks, kindle, nook etc).

Finally I would like to thank many old friends who have kept in touch and encouraged me to continue the saga … It has always been my intention to continue to write and publish new stories about the antics of the huge cast of characters that I have created over the years and I am actively in the process of writing Volume 43 of the saga so hopefully it will not be another six months before you hear from me again … However a few months ago I made a conscious decision to turn the blog into a repository for the body of written work that I have produced over several decades and as a library to house the many artistic endeavors that I have created in collaboration with the wonderful artist and downright drunken degenerate Scouser Dave Ell … btw Dave has several books of his own original works available over at his site.

So go ahead and download the latest book, cosy up with a nice refreshing bottle of Unoaked Chardonay or a fine Pinot Noir and ENJOY … Bottoms Up! … RH

The Woody Gang’s Been Nominated!!!

The Woody GangMy thanks to the guest who nominated our site for inclusion in the Spanking Spot’s Creative Site of the Year award category … My thanks, also, to Brush Strokes, the spanking scenes most eminent political pundit for hosting these prestigious and coveted awards and … Finally my congratulations to my fellow nominee’s who all have wonderfully creative sites and are some of the hardest working bloggers amongst our community.

Over the past year we transformed the Woody Back to School Unit site to become more of a repository for the ongoing saga, which is now comprised of forty-one volumes, (with more on the way) all collected in Library I, and numerous other Woody related stories stored in Library II … The galleries display in excess of one hundred original Woody cartoons that were created in collaboration with Dave Ell … Our intent is to continue to maintain and update the site as new Woody material and, or, other interesting spanking related material becomes available … So please continue to watch this space and remember that everything at the Woody Back to School Unit is completely original and ABSOLUTELY FREE and even better we keep the whole site ABSOLUTELY COMMERCIAL FREE as well.

I think that one of our successes this year was to modernize the look of the site and especially to make it more accessible and reader friendly on most portable devices and to make it work better with a wide variety of browsers … hopefully all our guests are enjoying a more satisfying reading experience on every available medium … if anybody has a problem with a particular browser or device let us know and we will try to rectify … Once again my thanks for the nomination … Bottoms Up! … RH

Greetings from the Woody Gang on Love Our Lurkers 7

Hi Y’all … Although I now mainly use the blog as a repository for the forty-one full-length volumes of the Woody Back to School unit saga and as a gallery for the hundred plus original Woody Toons that I commissioned from my old mucker and general wine-soak Dave Ell I am still flattered by the considerable traffic the site continues to attract and I can assure you that I very much appreciate your visits.

Like most writers I enjoy receiving feedback about the books and am always more than happy to respond to questions regarding the saga so please don’t hesitate to leave comments and I will respond as soon as possible.

As usual I would like to thank the inimitable Bonny over at the legendary My Bottom Smarts for organizing LoL 7 and a big hi to everybody who is participating in this event.

Finally folks I am closing in on finishing the latest installment of the Woody Back to School Unit, “Volume 42 – The Final Flogging” so watch this space … as usual I am pleased to invite you to stay and have a good old rummage around the Libraries and Galleries … there’s plenty to look at and read and it’s all ABSOLUTELY FREE and even better we keep the site COMMERCIAL FREE as well … so kick-back and enjoy …. Bottoms Up! … RH

Brand New Look to Woodys – Feedback Requested

Finally I have found a new look for the site that seems to work on desktop, laptop and mobile devices … I will slowly go back through some of the older posts and see if I can clean them up but mostly I am trying to make the new material as user friendly as I can … so if you have a particular device, or use a browser where the site is not looking good please let me know and we’ll see what we can do … I will also reinstate the blogroll as soon as I understand how this new theme works … Thanks from all of us at the WB2SU … Bottoms Up! … RH 

Six Red Bums Award for Flopsybunny

I have long been a fan and contributor to the the Kilahara Library of Spanking Fiction which is very ably hosted by Februs, Flopsybunny and a team of diligent spanko volunteers … most recently they have begun to publish a periodic web-zine bearing the creative masthead ‘The Wellred Weekly’ … the WW is now at Issue Five and features a wide variety of spanking focused articles, news and interviews … this splendid new publishing venture has already attracted contributions from a representation of some of the grandee’s from the spanking writing and blogging community … hearty congratulations to Editrix-in-Chief, Flopsybunny for her hard work in bringing this magazine to fruition … the Woody Back to School Unit is pleased to show our appreciation by presenting Flopsybunny with the prestigious Six Red Bums Award for exceptional services to the international spanking community … Bottoms Up! … RH

A Woody Update … Message from Mr Humphries

Over the past few weeks I have received numerous emails enquiring after the state of my health and also, due to my recent lack of activity, whether I am closing the doors to the Woody Back to School Unit … the answer to the former is that touchwood I seem to have made a remarkable recovery from my unfortunate health misadventure, largely due to successfully giving up smoking (yay me) … and thank you all so much for your kind thoughts.

The answer to the latter question is slightly more complex … the simple answer is no, the WB2SU site will continue to remain open and will be updated whenever appropriate and new material is available … I have published thirty-nine full length installments of the Woody Back to School Unit saga and am slowly but inexorably reaching the conclusion of this account of the current phase of the lives of the many characters that inhabit the correctional center for Extreme Ladettes … my problem is that as a spanking writer my style has never been simply “Get over my knee”, “Down with the bumbags”, ‘Whap! Whop! Whap!’, End of Story! … Although spanking and corporal punishment is indubitably the central theme of the saga I have always tried to involve my characters in adventures (and misadventures) and to elaborate on the back-stories of what led them to be sentenced to spend seven years at this austere government correctional institution without even the vaguest possibility of parole … However, as I near the conclusion of the tale I find it increasingly challenging to avoid becoming repetitive and not recounting old back-stories that can be found elsewhere in the saga … That being said, the publication of the most recent volume ‘Volume 39 – Big Gals Don’t Cry’ was included in the highly influential Spankings of the Week listings published by the inimitable Mr Chross which attracted a host of brand new readers … I notice from the analytical data that WordPress provides me a whole slew of new guests have elected to go back and start at ‘Volume 1 – Whops and Clobber’, and slowly work their way through the complete saga, which, of course, I think is quite wonderful … I have also noticed this phenomenon over at the quite excellent Kilahara Library of Spanking Fiction where my saga has been show-cased for some time and continuously finds new readers and fans of the Woody Gals … so welcome to all of you and I hope that you find the stories and characters engaging and entertaining and continue to read.

Equally with the Woody Toons that I have commissioned and developed in collaboration with Our Man in Phuket, the legendary wine-soak Dave Ell , they started off as an experiment, I thought I’d try out a couple but over a nearly two year period I ended up purchasing over a hundred toons … again they are mostly based upon extracts from the saga that I felt were suitable for the cartoon genre … as I progress towards the conclusion of the story I can assure you that I will continue to commission Dave for new works when there is a good story to tell.

So, in the meantime, while I continue to produce new and original writing and toons please feel free to hang around at Woodys and have a good old rummage about … there are thirty-nine full volumes of the Woody Back to School Unit saga available for download in Library I and numerous other Woody related writings and ramblings in Library II … the galleries contain over a hundred completely original toons that I have commissioned from Dave … and you know what? … the best thing about this? … Everything at Woodys is ABSOLUTELY FREE and COMMERCIAL FREE … Bottoms Up! … RH

Woodys Invites Y’all to ‘Have a Good Rummage Day’

This weekend, thanks to the highly esteemed Mr Chross who generously featured the ‘Jojo and the French Dame’ post in his Spankings of the Week round-up, we have welcomed many new guests to the unit. Of course, many visitors just stopped by and looked at the featured post before returning to Chross’s page to continue clicking on the other wonderful sites on his list. Nonetheless over the past 48-hours (according to Statcounter) over ten per-cent of our visitors have stayed and spent over an hour at the Woody Back to School Unit.

It has always been my intention to make the page somewhere for people who share my eclectic taste in spanking writing and humor can feel comfortable to kick-back and just have a good rummage about … we now have six full installments from the Woody Back to School Unit saga available for download absolutely FREE to our guests and over forty completely original cartoons that have been created in collaboration with the world-renowned and very accomplished illustrator, Our Man in Phuket, Dave Ell … so for all our new visitors … it’s Sunday so please just take a load-off … pour a mimosa or a Bloody Mary … rummage about and enjoy … Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! … Bottoms Up! … RH

 

Another Absolutely Free Woody Book

I am delighted to announce that I have converted a series of stories that I had previously serialized into proper book format. I have added additional illustrations from my wonderful collaborator, Dave Ell, and I have corrected some minor typos and inconsistencies. Click here to download ‘A Life in the Day of Debs Morton’, in pdf format absolutely free. I will be publishing this book for sale at Lulu, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble and due to the cost of producing a color book it will retail at $19.99 even in paperback, so $0.00 is a helluva deal … Just my way of saying thanks to all my visitors.

 I have also done other some minor editing to the site. I’ve added a section in the sidebar exclusively dedicated to the Famous Four who are the main characters of my stories and attract considerable amount of inquiries into their backgrounds … I have also added some more Powerpoint presentations to the Woody Toons area and compiled a Collectors show that contains all the toons (it is kinda slow to download, at least on my machine but I think it’s worth it) … so kick-back and enjoy … Bottoms Up! … RH

Woodys Hits 150,000 and A Life in the Day of Debs Morton – Part 3

Astonishingly at 12:33 this lunch-time the visitor counter at the Woody Back to School Unit moved passed 150,000. I would like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who has visited the site and also everybody in the blogging community who has been kind enough to add links to the Unit.

Today I continue my Day in the Life writing experiment. I have posted Part 1 and Part 2 in the ‘Seven Days of Woodys’ sidebar … its Saturday, time for a cold Heineken, so kick-back and enjoy … Bottoms Up! … RH

A Life in the Day of Debs Morton – Part 3

Momentarily my heart misses a beat as Ms Gascoigne spins around and glares at us. “If I catch any of you causing a distraction I shall feel compelled to beat you,” she says in a mildly threatening tone.

You can’t say fairer than that. I glare at Nixdown. She smirks and winks at me. Earlier in the morning she had launched a tightly constructed pellet with her catapult and caught me painfully on my bare thigh. She clearly thinks that she is one up on me. I am fuming and badly want revenge, but I need to be very wary. The last thing that I want is another beating from Pauline.

We may be tight but that won’t stop her from bending me over my desk and absolutely creaming me if she thinks I need it. Only last week she gave me a reminder of her remarkable artistry with the cane and it was a very painful and disagreeable experience. I slide my pea-shooter back in my satchel. I will wait for a better opportunity. Now that Ms Gascoigne’s radar has been alerted she will be watching us like a hawk.

Fifteen minutes before the bell rings to signal the end of the lecture I raise my hand and ask to be excused. I am scheduled for kitchen duty and need to cut along sharpish.

One of the major improvements Mr Humphries has implemented since taking over as Grand Master of the Unit is to fire the third-party caterers and put Dotty Hammell and Cassie Cassy in charge of the kitchens. They are both world renowned chefs and have transformed the fare served up at the unit from tasteless gruel to a healthy and balanced diet.

I hurry through the corridors. I have no intention of being late again and suffering a repeat performance of a recent unpleasant incident. A few weeks ago I foolishly pitched up ten minutes late for duty. Dotty Hammell is a sweetie and she is the doyen of the Liberal Left of the Brass. Nonetheless, she runs the kitchen like a military operation and the one thing she will not tolerate is tardy time-keeping. She marched me across the kitchen, put me over her knee and gave me a damn good spanking with her favorite Peruvian wooden spoon. Apparently she found this spoon when she was touring the Northern Andes. It is made from petrified wood and is extremely potent. She likes to land each spank one on top of the other. She might find this an amusing trick but I sure as hell don’t! She spanks very fast and very hard so my bum is absolutely scorching when she returns me to the upright.

I don’t know what got into me but when she turned her back I stuck out my tongue and blew a raspberry at her. She must have eyes in the back of head because before I knew it I was back head down, arse up over her knee. She yanked back my skirt and to my horror she dragged down my bumbags! Despite my protests she began to whap me with a wooden spatula.

I can’t help myself, my legs began to kick spastically and my fists pummeled the air. This innocuous looking utensil is an absolute killer. She’s spanked me with it once before but at least I had the protection of my bumbags. On the bare the spatula seems to weld itself to my flesh and then suck the skin off when she retracts it. On top of an already well-spanked bum this is excruciating. Not to mention that having my bare bum exposed to a kitchen filled with gawking gals is more than a tad undignified.

Once we were finished she had another unpleasant surprise for me. I had been designated to serve table in the Grand Master’s private dining room where he was entertaining Christopher Brooks, the Minister for Extreme Social Rehabilitation. She obviously did not consider a sizzling hot bottom as reason to relieve me of my duties.

The Grand Master and his guest were polite enough not to pass comment but you wouldn’t need to be Hercule Poirot to detect the signs that I’m sporting a red hot bottom. I was very stiff-legged and my bum was wriggling and squirming uncontrollably. I did my best to be polite and efficient but I was awfully relieved when it was all over and I was able to limp upstairs to our study and have Rosemary soothe my scalding arse with her mystical balms.

Fortunately today I arrive at the kitchen with time to spare. I check the roster and see that I have been assigned to assist Cassie at the soup station. I go into the changing area and put on a blouson, cargo baggies and tie my hair up under a beanie before returning to the kitchen and start to chop mushrooms.

Cooking with Cassie is always fun. She may be a complete ditz most of the time but she is unbelievable in the kitchen. I am one of seven assistants on duty and she flits between the work-stations giving out little tips as we prepare a wide array of tasty soups and colorful salads. I was never much of a cook before Mr Humphries introduced the self-sufficiency program but I’m really beginning to enjoy it, especially when I’m not distracted by smoke billowing out of my bumbags!

Thankfully I get through kitchen duty without any unpleasant incident and next it’s off to the music chamber. As you might know the Music Chamber has been the venue of several unpleasant incidents in the past. For the first few years of my sentence I had a pretty good relationship with the Dame in charge of Music, Ms Whitton. I sing in the choir and play clarinet in the orchestra and although she caned me occasionally it was all pretty routine. All that would change due to an embarrassing incident known to the Woody Wags as ‘the Incident of the Fabulous Fart’. I shall not dwell on this unfortunate episode lest to say I went straight to the top of Ms Whitton’s shit-list without passing go or collecting two-hundred squids!

Ms Whitton was a spiteful cove and laid siege to my bumbags. For almost a year she bent me over the piano stool and beat me with a violin bow at every opportunity. And not just any old violin bow I might add. She was completely batty and actually commissioned some punter down in Brazil to make a custom bow and even had the ‘Morton Special’ engraved down the shaft.

Eventually my chums staged an intervention and Jojo reported Ms Whitton to the Grand Master. Mr Humphries is a fair guy and listened to both sides. He believed me and Jojo and Nix and Rosemary’s version of events and unbelievably he had Ms Whitton arrested and carted off in bracelets by the local Plod. She is currently languishing in chokey where she doubtless spends her days having vengeful thoughts about my bumbags.

After Ms Whitton was hauled off the Grand Master employed Miss Suzy Scott as her replacement. Now Suzy is an absolute dote and we love her to death but it has to be said that lecturing on the rudiments and theory of music was not her strong suit. In fact she has confessed to me in private that her musical experience was limited to fronting an exceptionally unsuccessful punk-rock band. Nonetheless she does have one quite extraordinary talent.

Suzy Scott stands four-feet ten-inches in her stockinged feet and looks like she might weigh eighty pounds with two bricks in her pockets. She wears big baggy jackets and on first impression she looks like she couldn’t whop her way out of a paper bag. This is rather deceiving as I discovered to the severe detriment of my bumbags.

For some reason I felt duty bound to test out the mettle of the new Dame and joshed and japed her until she finally resorted to beating me. I sauntered cockily up to the front of the chamber and took up position across the piano stool. I was expecting a few light flicks across the bumbags and something to chortle about later with my chums.

Unbeknownst to me Miss Suzy Scott is a champion kick-boxer and martial arts expert. When she shrugged off her jacket my chums were treated to the sight of her honed and toned physique. She is a veritable miniature super-woman!

I was completely unprepared for the power of the first whop. It nearly cut me in two. Worse was still to come. Suzy has an uncanny ability to land every stroke one on top of the other. The effect is over-whelming and I’m ashamed to say I opened up my lungs and howled!

Ms Scott didn’t last long as a teaching Dame. Mr Humphries elevated her to the position of Head of Operations. Nonetheless she did hold the position long enough to beat me on two more occasions. These were both hot and sweaty experiences and confirmed her reputation as a true artiste with the cane.

After Ms Scott was promoted Mr Humphries put Maestra Tatyana Kerimov on the payroll. I had first encountered Tatyana a decade earlier when I was a member of the National Youth Orchestra and we were lucky enough to be invited to Russia to play at the legendary Conservatory. She was the musical director and one of the few female conductors in the world. It was also rumored that she had studied at the Dzerzhinsky Academy for the KGB. I was delighted by the news that Tatyana was coming to the unit.

Now it has to be said Maestra is something of a queer-cove. She wears this ankle-length monk’s shroud and keeps the hood up most of the time so you can’t see what she is looking at. She walks with a noticeable limp and uses a long ornately carved wooden staff for support. She looks like a cross between Rasputin and Darth Vader. Nonetheless she is a brilliant tutor and has spent hours of her free-time talking to me about conducting and rehearsing me on new pieces on the clarinet.

Unfortunately my unruly behavior has twice prompted her to invite me to step up to the front of the chamber and fold myself over the piano stool. I don’t know whether the KGB give their agents whop-training but if they do there’s no doubt that Tatyana would have graduated top of her year. That woman really knows how to whop!

On the way to the chamber I meet up with Nixdown. She is cheerful and chatty but I can tell that she is feeling smug about her earlier sneak attack. I am determined to reap some pay-back but I’m equally determined not to do anything rash that will result in me taking another trip across the piano stool.

I select a seat one row behind Nix and over to her left. If I see an opportunity I am perfectly placed and there will be little she can do to retaliate without making it obvious. Nixdown will be aware of my strategic positioning and even if an opportunity fails to present itself she will spend the whole lecture feeling anxious. Serves her right, my leg still smarts!

Tatyana is an expert on Russian composers and she is waxing eloquent on the life of Mikhail Glinka. It is interesting stuff and I quickly become absorbed in the lecture. Perhaps I shall leave my revenge on Nixdown until later. It would be a crying shame to interrupt the interesting proceedings with a distracting six of the best.

When the bell rings it occurs to me that we have now got through five complete lectures without any of us being required to bend over. Nixdown got shown a yellow card earlier this morning but since then we’ve hardly even attracted a scolding between us. This is highly unusual. Jojo, Nixdown, Rosemary and I are known as the Famous Four and have a well-deserved reputation for our accomplishments in the world of mega-minxdom. We are actually quite a studious bunch and are very competitive when it comes to maintaining high grades. Nonetheless, the lecture rooms are ideal venues for some serious goofing, joshing and pranking and it is a rare day when one or the other of us doesn’t end up pointing our bum’s skywards.

I look at my timetable. We are scheduled for a French tutorial with Madame Diderot, which is always an interesting experience, so I’m going to cut along and I’ll let you know how I get on. Ciao for now.

If you are enjoying the Toon Collection and the book-extracts and you have finished reading the complimentary Volume 1 – Whops and Clobber and still want to know more about the antics of the World’s greatest mega-mixes then cut along sharpish to the newly redesigned Woodettes Publication Page which gives direct access to the five volumes from the Woody Back to School Unit saga that are available for download for the very reasonable sum of $4.99 each. I have included a brief synopsis of the content of each book and of course I have kept the Free Preview Chapters available for your enjoyment.