The Famous Four

The central characters of the Woody Back to School Unit saga are the inmates known as the Famous Four, comprised of Jojo, Debs, Nixdown and Rosemary. In response to numerous enquiries I thought that I would just include a brief synopsis of their background stories as a primer to new readers.

Joanna ‘Jojo’ Heyworth

Prior to being seized in the notorious government conspiracy known as the ‘Great Purge of the Extreme Ladettes’ Jojo was a successful artist and theatrical producer. While studying for a Fine Arts degree she supplemented her allowance by writing, directing, producing and occasionally even acting in a series of successful fringe theater productions. Her murals and sculptures had been shown at several West End Galleries.

Jojo was also a successful equestrian, riding on the national team that was tipped to secure a shed-load of gongs at the forthcoming Olympics. Her best friend on the squad was Nicola Jane Nixon who was also carving out a name for herself directing risqué music videos.

Jojo and Nicola Jane teamed up and established a highly successful multi-media production company and were soon making out like bandits. The two chums quickly became the toast of the West End party circuit.

Unfortunately the height of their success coincided with another period of fiscal imprudence by the government. Faced with considerable criticism from the Great Unwashed the mandarins of spin were instructed to create a diversion. Bounties on the bumbags of Celebrity Ladettes were increased substantially.

Successful and entrepreneurial young females like Jojo and Nicola Jane made ideal targets for the Dark Agents of the System. The Celebrity Goon Squad monitored their every move and covertly photographed them as they left the hottest night-clubs in the Smoke.

Jojo and Nix were arrested on several occasions and hauled before disciplinary tribunals. They were charged with Misdemeanor Ladetting but even the System was forced to acknowledge that the evidence against them was fragile at best and they were released. However, the Dark Agents were not about to let a pair of substantial bounties go to waste and used their contacts in the conservative press to launch a series of scurrilous attacks on Jojo and Nicola Jane.

The blood-thirsty hacks from the right-wing rags denounced the two chums as degenerates and criticized their high-profile life-styles for influencing and encouraging the perpetuation of the Ladette movement. The accusations were ridiculous but the Great Unwashed is a fickle bunch and immediately demanded action.

Jojo and Nix were arrested again and taken to a secret silo of the System. As there were no actual charges to be brought against them the members of the System’s disciplinary council sat in-camera. Jojo and Nix were denied legal representation or the opportunity to defend themselves and were found guilty of ‘Conspiracy to promote anti-social Ladette behavior amongst the public at large’. They were sentenced to seven years at the Big House without the possibility of parole.

When Jojo had first entered the facility she had been sporting a virgin arse. The school that she had attended had not practiced any form of physical discipline and the home she was raised in was a spank-free zone. Nonetheless that state of affairs would abruptly change as she quickly embraced the subversive teachings of Cat Cassidy’s notorious ‘Manifesto of Mega-minxdom’.

The stunningly beautiful red-head had found a new vocation and raised the standards of goofing, larking and pranking to an art-form. During the first year of her incarceration she established the unit’s record for being spanked in the lecture room’s. It was the first of many records that she would accumulate during her seven-year sentence.

Towards the end of the first year of Jojo’s sentence the Grand Dame, Ms Lawton, responded to the persistent complaints she received from the Brass about her behavior by breaking with tradition and giving her three strokes of the cane. She became the first ‘Beaten Brat’ in the unit’s history.

In her diary Jojo recalls the momentous event. “I found myself bending over the back of a straight-backed chair up in the Beak’s office with my skirt turned back. I heard an ominous whistle from behind me and then felt a sharp shock in my bum. Momentarily I thought that it didn’t hurt too much and then my flesh started to sizzle. In a moment of lucidity I remember thinking I hope there’s not much more where that came from.” Unfortunately for Miss Heyworth there were plenty more whops in her future.

For five consecutive years Jojo Heyworth dominated the annual Bottoms Up Table of Troublemakers awards earning her the ranking of All-time Big BUTT. She became the first inmate to score the coveted Bull when she received fifty punishments during a single year; an accomplishment that she would repeat for three consecutive years. She would receive an awe-inspiring eighteen public floggings and was one of the first inmates to be inducted into the ‘Double Berkeley Society’ (meaning that she will get a mandatory twelve-stroke bare bender whenever she is dispatched to the principal’s office for punishment). She served as an inspiration to all the inmates who aspired to a lifestyle of mega-minxdom.

When Mr Humphries takes over as Grand Master of the facility he is charmed by the gregarious red-headed minx who pays regular visits to his office needing to be whopped. They become romantically entwined and during the last year of his sentence Jojo wears a tiffany engagement ring on a chain around her neck. They are scheduled to be married once Miss Jojo completes her sentence.

Deborah ‘Debs’ Morton

A former professional tennis player and internationally renowned clarinetist. Her sensational arrest by the Dark Agents of the System on the center court at Wimbledon was witnessed by millions of TV viewers around the World.

Long before she embarked upon her seven-year sentence at the Woody facility Debs was intimately familiar with the ominous sound of whippy rattan cutting through the air behind her.

She was schooled at the prestigious but ultra-strict Queensgate Academy, where she was a prolific over-achiever. She routinely scored 158 on the Cattell III B IQ test and was the youngest student ever to be accepted at Camford on a non-scientific based scholarship. At fifteen she published a well received fictional biography of Ann Boleyn’s last night titled ‘Waiting to be Beheaded’. She played clarinet in the National Youth Orchestra and at the age of fifteen she dethroned Rachel Cox as the nation’s number one female tennis player.

Nonetheless, despite these achievements it was her disastrous disciplinary record that attracted the most attention. The Dames at the esteemed academy considered themselves far too refined to actually administer discipline themselves. They practiced a policy whereby miscreant pupils were ‘Put on the Menu’. Gals on the menu were required to present their defenses before the school’s prefectorial body known as the Posh. The Posh had a number of penalties available to them ranging from detentions, impositions, hours of community service, or, in the worst cases, a thrashing with a thirty-six inch long rattan cane known as the ceremonial popping stick.

Deborah suffered from a chronically hyper-active naughty gene and shortly after she entered the acadamy she found herself becoming a regular feature on the evening menu. Deborah chose to practice a potentially reckless and dangerous policy. She refused to plead guilty to any charges, relying on her quick wits and silver-tongue to create enough reasonable doubt in the minds of the Posh to force them to exonerate her. In fairness it was not an altogether unsuccessful strategy. During her first four years at the academy she appeared before the Posh on hundreds of occasions and avoided being sentenced to any form of punishment at an impressive eighty-five per cent of her appearances.

However, her strategy also had a painful downside. According to the rules of the Posh if a gal pleaded not guilty, or refused to enter into a plea bargain, and was eventually unsuccessful in her defense she received a mandatory swishing. Each year as her behavior deteriorated and her appearances before the Posh increased the number of canings Deborah received began to escalate along with the severity of the penalties she attracted.

In her diaries Deborah comments that, “Ma always said that they would beat some sense into me. Well she was certainly right about the beating part but I think they failed on the sense end of the equation”.

Towards the end of her fourth year at the academy she would meet her Armageddon. She established a new record by being ‘Put on the Menu’ by three separate Dames on the same day. With typical bravado Deborah pleaded not guilty to all three charges. She experienced a brief glimmer of hope when it was announced that her first defense was successful but then it went pear-shaped in a heartbeat. She was found guilty on both the other two charges and sentenced to the maximum allowable punishment of nine strokes of the ceremonial popping stick for each offence. The punishments would be administered on successive days with a twenty-four hour cooling off period between them.

It would prove to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. The Grand Dame was determined to curb Deborah’s serial misbehavior and placed her in a special disciplinary program. At the end of each lesson the Dames were required to rank her conduct on a scale of A through E. She was warned that if she scored more than three below average conduct scores in a single week she would be subjected to a mandatory thrashing. The program was not a success and every single Friday evening throughout the school year Deborah Morton was required to report to the Posh HQ where she would bend over the ceremonial popping seat so that she could be beaten by the most senior gal in the school, known as the President of Posh.

By the time she left Queensgate Deborah had been beaten on eighty-three separate occasions and she would gain a certain historical infamy for achieving the unenviable record of being listed in Ministry of Education records dating back to 1850 as the most caned student in national history.

At sixteen years old she was the undisputed number one female tennis player in the country and elected to abandon her education and try her luck on the professional circuit. Standing only five-feet four-inches in stockinged feet she was considered small by the standards of professional tennis players but she soon gained a reputation as a fierce competitor with remarkable concentration and stamina. She favored a deep game, playing from behind the baseline that gave her time to zing her cross-court drives into the far corners of the opponent’s court with uncanny accuracy.

Her dogged determination paid off and at eighteen years old she had climbed into the rankings of the top ten players in the world. She was also rich and famous and amongst the most photographed women in the nation. Along the way, after she had crushed a highly fancied opponent, a journalist had dubbed her ‘Dynamite Debs’; the abbreviation had stuck and she became known universally simply as Debs.

At twenty-years old she was ranked number three in the world and highly sought after to make exhibition appearances. She was invited to appear at the opening of a Las Vegas hotel and play the world’s number one, Saturn Venus, in a one point five million dollar shoot-out. Debs unexpectedly prevailed in a grueling three-setter; it was a victory that would set off a series of events that would prove highly detrimental to the future of her bumbags.

Aware of the restrictive drinking-age laws in Las Vegas the twenty-year old celebrity had secured some dodgy ID from her old school friend, the Bounder. She was photographed sipping a margarita and playing roulette at the Bellagio. The photograph made the gossip pages of newspapers around the world.

The Las Vegas authorities sensibly turned a blind eye and she only received a minor reprimand from the governing tennis bodies, along with a small fine and a two-week suspension for ‘bringing the game into disrepute’. As far as Debs was concerned the matter was closed and she took off on a short holiday.

However, the Dark Agents of the System were always on the look-out for fresh celebrity blood. A million pound bounty was attached to her bumbags.

Upon her return from vacation she was astonished to be arrested and charged with ‘Extreme Ladetting’. Her lawyers worked assiduously in her defense and the lawn tennis association interceded on her behalf. A year earlier they had been forced to sacrifice Debs old rival, Rachel Cox’s, bumbags to a seven year sentence and they argued that it was not in the national interest to lose their number one player. A deal was finally thrashed out and the charges were reduced to ‘Misdemeanor Ladetting’ on the condition that she agreed to a two-year sentence at the lower security Radcliffe Back to School Unit. She would be allowed to play in several tournaments as long as she was chaperoned by a Court Appointed Guardian. Debs had little choice but to agree to the terms.

The last tournament that she would be eligible to play in before starting her sentence was at Wimbledon. During the past two years she had twice reached the quarter finals at the tournament before succumbing. She felt fit and on the top of her form, she had high hopes for the competition.

The nation was captivated as she fought her way to the semi-finals, the first British female to progress as far for over a quarter of a century. She was pitched against her old adversary Saturn Venus. The match is often recalled as one of the finest in Wimbledon’s history. Finally after several hours Saturn managed to overcome Debs resilient defenses to win a place in the final.

The two competitors were shaking hands at the net when two Dark Agents appeared on court brandishing handcuffs. In front of millions of viewers Debs was arrested and led away in bracelets.

She was taken to a secret silo of the System. She was informed that the previous evening she had broken curfew and that the Misdemeanor Ladetting charges were off the table. She was denied counsel or the opportunity to offer a defense. Within hours Debs Morton was at a haberdashery being fitted for clobber.

The charges were entirely bogus but it was not until many years later that the truth would emerge. The Dark Agents had been disillusioned by the paltry ten per-cent of the larger bounty that they had received due to her reduced sentence. On the eve of the semi-final they had tampered with her car while she was enjoying a quiet dinner with friends. With her car disabled she had been forced to seek a cab but had arrived back at her hotel a few minutes after the midnight curfew. She had taken the precaution of calling her Court Appointed Guardian and informing him of her circumstances but he was unavailable. She had left him a voice mail. This evidence was not introduced at her hearing. For a million squids Debs Morton had been stitched up like a kipper.

Out of all of the Famous Four, Debs was best-equipped for the austere rigors of life at the Woody Back to School Unit. In many ways it resembled the Queensgate Academy with its many rules, regulations, protocols and rituals. She was amazed by the facilities available on the sprawling campus and the comprehensive and advanced academic program that Ms Lawton had put in place. She settled in quickly.

However, it was not long before her naughty gene would reemerge and she reverted to her old practices of persistent gabbing, goofing, larking and pranking. After a four year cool-arse sabbatical Debs soon found herself back in the familiar position of having her arse higher than her head.

It was the policy at the facility that during their first year of incarceration the inmates would be routinely punished with over the knee hand spankings. Ms Lawton’s philosophy was that she was charged with socially rehabilitating the nation’s most extreme and rambunctious Ladettes and there was nothing better than a good old-fashioned over the knee bumbag dusting to curb their high-spirits and put them in their place.

Much as she disliked being turned over the knees of the Brass and Elite, after five years of being caned at Queensgate, Debs found the spankings nothing more than a minor inconvenience. She had been befriended by Rosemary, Jojo and Nix and the four chums were highly competitive when it came to the fine art of minxing. By the end of their first year the four chums had established the record as the four most spanked Little Brats in the unit’s history and were universally known around the campus as the Famous Four.

During the first year of her sentence Deborah also became reacquainted with the cane. Having inducted Jojo as the first member of the ‘Beaten Brat Society’ Ms Lawton felt compelled to extend the membership to Debs.

When the Grand Dame had announced that she wished to see Deborah in her office immediately after morning assembly Debs had suspected something was afoot. The use of the word ‘immediately’ was widely understood to be a coded warning that the Grand Dame’s visitor could expect the cane.

When Jojo had received her first caning it had been limited to three strokes, so when Debs reported to Ms Lawton’s office she naturally assumed that she would receive the same treatment. The prospect of being caned again was hardly thrilling but Debs was pragmatic, back at Queensgate the wags had called a threer half a caning. It would smart a bit she figured but she would just suck it up and go on about her business.

Debs was a little miffed the Beak informed her that she had studied her school record and that she didn’t feel that a mere three strokes would have the desired effect and that she intended to give her six of the best.

In some ways Debs was flattered that she was getting more strokes than Jojo. The two chums were highly competitive when it came to whops. Debs was secretly gloating as she bent over the back of the straight backed chair in Ms Lawton’s office.

A few weeks later Debs was mildly miffed when Jojo trumped her. The first two canings had been delivered with the gals bumbags retained. When Jojo was summonsed back for a second dose she became the first Little Brat to receive a six stroke bare bender.

It was a pattern that would repeat itself over the coming years. No matter how hard Debs tried every year Jojo would emerge as the Annual Big BUTT. Debs coveted the title but in private moments would predict that she was destined to always be the bridegroom but never the bride.

Not that Debs had any difficulty in establishing her own mythology and place in Woody lore. She was mercurial and unpredictable by nature and suffered from an acute case of compulsive impulsive behavior syndrome. She had a very unfortunate tendency for inspiring considerable spontaneous ire amongst the Brass and Elite often with spectacular consequences.

On one occasion she irritated the Red-shirt du jour, Liz Lancelot, so greatly that the prefect dragged her over her knee and spanked her in the middle of the crowded recreation area. When Debs foolishly responded by laughing at Elizabeth and muttering ‘didn’t hurt’ the Red-shirt pinned her down across the rim of a fountain, secured a plimsoll and roasted her rump while water from Neptune and his disciples rained down on her head.

On another occasion Ms Lummell dragged her out of the bleachers, slammed her down across a table tennis table and gave her a resounding spanking with a ping pong paddle in front of the startled members of the visiting team.

Perhaps her most famous and infamous moment was an incident known amongst the Woody Wags as ‘the Fabulous Fart’. When she chose to unleash a gargantuan guff Ms Whitton upended her in front of the choir, dragged down her bumbags and gave her a prolonged whipping with a conductor’s baton. It was not amongst Debs Morton’s proudest moments.

She also had an unfortunate habit of making dangerous enemies including Ms Whitton, Patty Hodge, the Wart, Yvonne Godfrey and Mitch the Bitch. She suffered a dizzying fall from Ms Lawton’s grace after she had responded belligerently to being punished for a minor clobber misdemeanor. She was declared Public Enemy Number One and targeted as a hostile. She spent a difficult year with a large target painted on her bumbags. Her personal annus horribilis culminated in her disastrously being chucked out of the chapel on family visitation day, and she also became the first inmate in the unit’s history to be formally flunked for discipline. Her formal flunking would have an unfortunate side-effect.

Chez Morton of Deborah’s youth had been a spank-free zone. Ma Morton was a great believer that corporal punishment should remain in the classroom. However after Debs was formally flunked Ma received a surprise parcel from an old school-friend Ma Brooks. The gift-wrapped box contained a long-handled, oval-headed, wood-backed hairbrush and a note advising Debs mother that ‘there was no problem that can’t be solved with a red bottom’.

The following day at Deborah’s formal flunking hearing in front of the System Ma learned the wisdom of those words. The Dark Agents were cruelly advocating that Debs was reverted to the status of a Little Brat and forced to repeat her complete sentence. This was devastating news for Debs as it would dash any remaining hopes of returning to the professional tennis circuit. In act of inspiration Ma stepped in and saved the day. She put Deborah over her knee and delivered a long and juicy spanking with her newly acquired hairbrush. She promised the panel of Dark Agents that she intended to extend Deborah’s social rehabilitation program during furloughs. The Dark Agents were duly impressed and Deborah escaped without punishment; but at twenty-six years old Deborah Morton found herself introduced to the rigors of domestic discipline.

With the arrival of Mr Humphries as Grand Master of the facility Deborah’s fortunes took a turn for the better. He rescinded her status as Public Enemy Number One and outlawed hostile targeting. After Ms Whitton gave her an umpteenth unwarranted beating with the customized violin bow known as the Morton Special he had her arrested and thrown in chokey.

Life was good for Debs but it was not without its controversial moments. Her persistent misbehavior in the assembly hall finally resulted in her being hauled up onto the stage and given a public spanking. She also became embroiled in a squalid disagreement with Lady Victoria Brompton which resulted in her being taken to the library and treated to a ferocious bare-bottom, hair-brush spanking in front of the assembled Elite.

Fortunately Debs and Vix finally kissed and made up. Victoria first promoted Debs to act as captain of the Red-house and then appointed her to act as Deputy Red-shirt. Later she would be instrumental in securing Deborah’s appointment to the all-powerful position of Red-shirt.

Debs has impressed everybody with the level-headed and even-handed manner that she prosecutes her duties as Red-shirt and seems destined to be remembered as one of the all-time greats.

However Debs being Debs her tenure has been colorful. She has established records as both the most beaten Member of the Elite, and Red-shirt in the unit’s history. She is the only Red-shirt to ever receive a public flogging while in office.

Debs is currently dating a Spanish flamenco guitarist called Pablo. He has made several overtures of marriage. So far she has resisted despite the fact that he puts her over his knee and spanks her every-time she declines.

Debs Morton is scheduled to compete at Wimbledon shortly after her release. She is currently unseeded and considered a rank outsider but you can never tell with the mercurial Miss Morton

Nicola Jane ‘Nixdown’ Nixon

The unit’s self-proclaimed degenerate was no stranger to trouble long before she started her sentence at the Woody Back to School Unit. The daughter of a controversial auteur whose films were generally only screened in the art-houses of Amsterdam, Paris, Rome and Copenhagen she was brought up surrounded by poets, artists and actors. She discovered her taste for the exotic at an early age.

As was the trend with her generation she was shipped off to boarding school to be trained in etiquette and deportment, neither of which she put much value in. Wildly advanced and already borderline promiscuous she earned considerable squids teaching her fellow students the finer arts of french kissing and cunnilingus.

Nicola Jane was belligerent, anti-authoritarian and often downright rude. The refined Dames of the prestigious institute frequently resorted to caning her. Nicola Jane had a profound dislike of being corporally punished and often retaliated by hacking the Dames in the shins or poking them in the eye with her manicured finger-nails.

She was often threatened with expulsion but her wealthy father always intervened donating a new library and an extension to the chemistry lab to avoid his daughters bumbags being booted out onto the street.

However his fortune was unable to save her after she retaliated to another caning by fire-bombing the Headmistress’s car. She was charged with arson and dispatched to finish her education at a state-run reformatory.

Upon her release she began to make music videos and gained some notoriety for their risqué content. She teamed up with her equestrian chum Jojo Heyworth and launched a highly successful multi-media production company.

One evening she arranged to have dinner with a camera-man. He was furious when she arrived several hours late and offered no form of apology. He yanked her over his knees and gave her a damn good spanking. Predictably Nicola Jane did not respond well and slapped his face and hacked him in the shins before stomping out of the flat.

However once she had returned home she found herself curiously aroused by the experience and returned to camera-mans flat and insisted that he Rodger her eyes out.

Her videos began to take on a distinctly BDSM flavor and she often featured herself in the more erotic scenes. She sought out spanking partners of either sex and discovered that she had a penchant for pain in the recreational arena.

Unfortunately the success of her venture with Jojo had attracted the attention of the Dark Agents of the System and a bounty had been placed on her bumbags. The two women were arrested on bogus charges and at twenty-one years old the successful video producer found herself being carted off to a haberdashery to be fitted out for clobber.

Nicola Jane had an unfortunate start to her seven year sentence at the Woody Back to School Unit. She was assigned to grub for the newly-appointed Red-shirt, Katie Beck. Nicola Jane would not have been temperamentally inclined towards grubbing in the best of circumstances so being assigned to act as the personal serf to the cruel and sadistic Katie did not bode for a harmonious relationship.

Katie Beck draped Nicola Jane over her lap and dusted her on a daily basis. When Nicola Jane characteristically responded with a shin-hacking Katie often dragged her over her knees for a second time and illegally yanked her knickers (bumbags) down earning NJ the nickname of Nixdown.

As Nixdown progressed through her sentence she became a respected luminary amongst the subterranean cult of the Mega-minxes. Her glowering belligerence and tendency towards insolence made her a prime target for the whop junkie elements of the Brass and the Elite. Nixdown Nixon was a permanent feature amongst the top ten of the Hall of Shame.

Although Nixdown continued to strongly object to being formally punished she pursued her private penchant for pain passionately. She gained a reputation for rampant promiscuity and targeted senior members of the Elite as her play-mates. Beautiful and beguilingly charming Nixdown was rarely refused. Her late-night trysts in the stables were the worst kept secrets in Woody World.

When Nixdown seduced Penelope Ann Evans nobody expected much to come of it. Penny Ann was the quintessential English rose and quite shy and retiring by nature. Nix by contrast was wild and flamboyant and by some peoples judgment quite possibly certifiably barking.

Penny Ann had been thrust into the spotlight as the surprise appointment as Red-shirt and was having a miserable time of it. She was forced to try to control the units most heinous Secret Sorority of Serial Spankers commanded by the evil Yvonne Godfrey. Penny Ann would have been much happier just be left to tend to her horses.

Penny Ann was an expert equestrian and had captained the championship team that had included Nixdown and Jojo before she was sent to Woodys on bogus drug charges. She had always admired the miniscule blond bombshell but was far too shy to make any overtures. When Nixdown seduced her Penny Ann fell head over heels in love.

Pen’s chums worried for her. Nixdown’s reputation preceded her. It was well known that Nix regularly engaged in ménage et trios’ with the Amazonian Rastafarian Butcher Twins, and was also bedding down with Melons and her gargantuan gazonkas. It was widely suspected that Nixdown merely viewed Penny Ann as another Elite scalp to hang from the elastic waistband of her bumbags. They were certain that Penny Ann’s heart would soon be broken.

Nixdown astonished everyone by abandoning her other lovers and being faithful to Penny Ann and they make a handsome couple. When Penny Ann finished her formal seven-year sentence she elected to remain on campus to study for her veterinarian degree on-line so that she could remain close to her lover.

As Nixdown is fond of saying, “where else is a gal going to get her kicks on Nix Sixty-six?”

Rosemary Booker

Earth Mother to the inmates … before being banged up at the facility Rosie was an internet entrepreneur who sold a range of mystical potions known as Booker’s Balms … she gained public recognition when she was voted ‘Rear of the Year’ in tribute to her notable protuberance. Sensing a red-hot marketing opportunity Rosemary goes on the chat-show circuit where she cheerfully shows off her award-winning rear end encased in skin tight jeans with ‘Booker’s Bum’ prominently embroidered across the seat.

After she is voted ‘Young Internet Entrepreneur’ of the year an unscrupulous company owned by the shadowy billionairess Melissa Forsham-Smythe attempts to purchase Bookers Balms. Rosemary learns that the company intends to transfer the manufacture of the products to areas of the world known for abuse of the child-labor laws and low standards of quality control; she refuses the offer.

Unbeknownst to Rosemary Melissa Forsham-Smythe is the secret puppeteer of an arm of the System known as the ‘Celebrity Goon Squad’. Incensed by Rosemary’s stubborn refusal to sell-out she arranges for a bounty to be placed on Rosemary’s bumbags. Unfortunately for Melissa Rosemary is a quiet cove who is rarely seen dancing on tables at night-spots frequented by the Extreme Ladettes. The Dark Agents are temporarily thwarted in their efforts to secure the bounty.

However, during an interview on a widely viewed TV chat-show Rosemary was asked her opinion of the famously public arrest of the tennis player, Debs Morton. She responded that in her opinion the governments highly publicized ‘Purge of the Extreme Ladettes’ was just plain daft. She was stunned to be served with a summons to appear before a hearing of the System to explain her controversial comment.

Rosemary’s lawyers assured her that the hearing was just a formality. On the eve of the hearing Rosemary stayed at her laboratory working on a new formula for a mystical balm and did not go home until long into the night. As a result she over-slept and was awoken by the sound of her front-door being broken down and her house being swarmed by Dark Agents. She was handcuffed and paraded through the streets in her pajamas in front of reporters and camera-men from the Forsham-Smythe communications network.

Rosemary was charged with ‘Subversive activities and promotion of the Extreme Ladette culture’. She was sentenced to spend seven-years at the Woody Back to School Unit. Her assets were seized and Melissa purchased the company for a few bobs on the squid in an unadvertised auction.

At Woodys she gained instant fame when following her first ferocious spanking she nonchalantly shrugged and surprised her fellow inmates by declaring that she didn’t know what all the fuss was about, after all, ‘it was only whops,’ … her proclamation immediately became the siren mantra of the mega-minxes.

During her sentence she concentrated on perfecting potions designed to alleviate the after-effects of the well-spanked bum … every year hundreds of grateful gals laid themselves out across her lap to have their poor beleaguered bums anointed with her healing balms. The Bounder hounded her to offer the soothing balms at commercial rates but Rosemary refused and continues to provide her mystical balms gratis to the inmates.

For years her apparent insouciance to pain made her a cult-heroine but during the legendary ‘Brooks vs. Booker’ bout during the Great Spank-off she had an unfortunate awakening … startled by the effects of a leather-faced ping-pong paddle pounding her formidable rear end she was forced to concede that ‘whops hurt!’ and conceded the contest … Following her unfortunate revelation she vowed to keep her bumbags out of the firing line of fast moving canes, straps and slippers … nonetheless as a die-hard mega-minx and suffering from chronic clobber-challenges Miss Booker’s well-filled bumbags continue to remain a major attraction to the Whop Junkies on the Radical Right.

Rosemary is currently engaged in an on-line romance with a cyber-lothario known as the Silver Fox. She regularly sends him digital photographic evidence of the aftermath of her encounters with the Woody artillery. There is considerable speculation on the Woody gossvine that they intend to marry upon Rosemary’s release from the unit.

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